So we start again.

My short trip to Scotland was, eventful, at least as far as cock ups with car hire were concenred, but really thats all irrelevent in relaton to the real reason I was there, to say goodbye to Chris. 

Social distance rules meant it was a small turn out, though a good one under the circumstances, his friends came to say goodbye and his family was there too, thats really all that you can do. Even though I don't agree with the religious mumbo jumbo the priest did a fine job in eulogising Chris, his daughter Kelly had given him some excellent background info. Mum was gutted not to be able to travel, but I sent her some pics that were upsetting but also reassuring for her and thanked everyone there on her behalf.

Colin and I were civil to each other, clearly we're still estranged, but civil is better than antagonistic. We will have to see if that can develop.

I was on my own a lot of the time and so decided to drive around a little bit, visiting Fauldhouse, Edinburgh, Livingston.  hmmm well...Edinburgh is still the same as always though there's a few more pedestrainised areas. Of course its not crazy busy like it usually  is, due to all the Corona restricitons but people were out shopping and I took pics of the castle and other sights still there to send to Jirawan who wants to visit when we can, though much of the tourist sites are still closed.

Livingston has grown beyond recognition, and Fauldhouse has changed quite a bit too, in that earily familiar but not, kind of way, almost all the old shops I remember are gone, including my dear friends the Martin's newsagents.
I did come away with a profound sense of decay though, the place really isn't showing any signs of investment or improvement. When I walk down pristine Dutch pavements and drive on immaculate roads, I can't help but notice how shocking the infrastrucutre in Scotland is. The roads, the streets, the houses, all falling apart. I have been told that Scotland is booming.....but as  a visitor, I don't see it. Overgrown verges, crumbling roads, hip breaking pavements.... hmmm well, ok.. maybe its the lockdown. 

I spent 2 nights at a small b&b in Corstorphine, which allowed easy access to the motorway, and had the good fortune to be near an excellent chippy to have my frist proper fish supper in ages, it was lovely. Familiar food was the only real joy in the trip,  it was a sad time, and I was there for sad reasons.

Overall though I didn't find myself sentementally attached to the place, Breda is my home now and I am glad I am back here.  Jirawan was waiting for me at the airport and her sense of joy at my return made me realise I have so much to be grateful for here and its time for me to focus on that.

Ahthankyew

Not the best time to travel

After a long delay, we finally have a date for Chris's funeral, which allowed me to book a flight to the UK, a lot of hassle, but eventually managed to get a flight via Paris to Edinburgh and return a few days later.

It was a strange experience going to so much effort to book a 2 day trip, what was stranger was the sense of pointlessness in it all after I had finally managed it.
I've been noticably downbeat the last 2 weeks, for obvious reasons, Jirawan has been a rock and done her best to keep my spirits up. but booking the trip, really upset me. I am not too sure how I'm going to cope on Wednesday.

No chance to detour down to Rochdale and see mum sadly, I did try to look into leaving from Bradford  but the cost and lack of flights made it impossible.

We also have more info on cause of death, basically heart disease, a long standing condition, made a little more serious by his life style. He suffered a bad nose bleed, got out of bed too quick and collapsed and died. Its sad that he died alone though, he was a social and friendly chap all his adult life, far removed from his miserable moody teens that I recall well. It would have made more sense to have happned having a laugh with his mates, but life and death seldom makes sense,.

Sad also that the funeral itself will be a social distanced affair, no service to send him on his way,  just a graveside event, but am sure his friends will be there to wish him goodbye and reflect on their time with him, as will I.






Ahthankyew

Well thats just not fair 2020, not fair at all.

Yesterday was a great day, very happy. But I made the mistake of taunting 2020 thinking it was fun to put my happy day ahead of all the crap happening in the world right now.

But as the day moved on, and become tomorrow it became a sad day as I received word in the early hours that my youngest brother Chris had passed away.

The details are still very sketchy, but it seems he'd not been too well recently,  neighbours noticed he wasn't around the last few days and asked the police to check his house where he was found.
Actual cause and time of death are not yet known, we will discover in due course. My middle brother Colin is taking charge of things and will let us know when he has more info as well as make the arrangments needed.

Chris and I weren't speaking much the last few years, its kinda a recuring theme in families that brothers drift apart,  for sure. thats been the case with both my brothers.
You would be hard pressed to find 3 more different people, personalities, interests, likes, opinions, talents; we share none, even our accents vary as we mixed in different circles as we grew up and moved into very different lives from the ones we grew up in.

We don't even look much alike, but there you go, in spite of that he was still my brother, and I'm filled with a sense of loss at his passing as I recall all the times as kids he annoyed me, irritated me, scared me, shocked me, surprised me, and made me happy to be his brother growing up. He was the youngest and mum spoiled him which lead to some fantastic rows and more than a few tantrums.
But as a man he was social, funny, slightly insane, sharp witted, and possesed of a friendly nature that made him popular with his friends. We got together a few times as adults before the inevitable rows on our different world views and physical distance left us drifting.


I have a genuine sense of helplessness to aid in a family crisis that is of course going to have a huge impact on my mother who has to deal with the loss of her child. Colin and I are also quite estranged for several years, but I have trust in his ability to take charge and will support him in anyway he needs. We may have to re-evaluate our relationship after this, we'll see.

I'm trying to confirm if I am able/allowed to travel to the UK at the moment given the lockdown/quarentine situation, its not looking very promising.

Really not much I can do, just have to get through the days, and see what develops.







Ahthankyew

Gambles work sometimes

5 months ago, on Feb 14, St Valintines day I met a crazy short, chatty lady, who made me laugh, a month later I took a gamble, having already taken a couple before that which didn't pay off and asked her to spend lock down with me. It really was a gamble.

This one paid of, the last 5 months have been filled with fun, joy, trust, respect and love...wonderful times..

I want them to continue and asked Jirawan if she would marry me.....I normally would put in a bad taste joke here...but meh...no need she said yes..I said she was crazy.

Life is good, and I can't see it getting bad ever again.


2020 has been a bad year for a lot of reasons, but for me there's a gilt edge to those clouds...


watch me get corona now!!!




Ahthankyew