Reposted from Facebook

Ok so 60

I’m not ok with this, it’s too big a number. It’s made me ponder .

I’ve been looking back on all those years. So many of which are still printed on my memory. The events, the people, the loves I lost, the joys, the heartbreaks, the frustrations, the successes and the failures. The small moments of calm, the absolute points of dispair and resignation, great memories and nightmares that haunt me still

Life is all about the good and bad things I’ve done and had done and it’s just so overwhelming that there are too many to tally.

Now there’s the realization that whatever time I have left is shorter than what’s passed. It took a long time to find a partner I could truly call a soul mate and my greatest joy is knowing my daughter grew into a happy contented mother.

Overall I did ok. The balance sheet is largely in the positive, I owe apologies to some who may never hear it, and continued disdain to some who deserve it, but also thanks to many who made things possible by their simple acts of support and belief in me.

My friends are truly my friends and I love having you in my life. But I won’t choose any favorites, you know I love you and am here when you need a hug or a bit of sage but probably bad advice.

I’m going to make sure I spend these last years as badly and recklessly as I have the previous 60. But try to do less of the losing, Cos that’s what living is about,

There are 3 women at the centre of my life: My mum whose unyielding love is matched only by her grumpiness. My daughter Danni, who isn’t on social media and demonstrates her wisdom in that.

And of course my darling wife Jirawan who makes all things better with a smile….and too much food. With her, the future isn’t something to be feared or endured, it’s an adventure to enjoy.

Love you all.

Now fuck off

nope, I don't know why its pasted in inverted colours... I should add many confusions to this little thought stream.
added the pic, with the nice shirt from my bandmates

Ahthankyew

Cold season

Started a bit late this year, I usually get the sniffles and coughs just after summer when the new students come in to spread their germs and everyone has to pick up immunity by having it.

But this year, hasn't been too bad until this week, started to feel a bit rough on Wed, got the full snotty sneezy, wheezy bits on thursday and now I'm a walking dead.

Man flu, kills 9/8 men daily. There is no cure... help

Ahthankyew

hossie...

Don't panic, 

only an outpatient, there's some smidgen of a spot on my eye that they want to check out...nothing nasty apparently but its the cause of the itchy eye, so they are sending me to outpatients to check it out...

waiting for a mail to indicate when/where.

edit... I was hoping to proudly report that I had an appointment in a week and all was well...but I got a letter saying they're a bit busy at the moment and will send me an appontment when they are less busy.

oh..well I guess thats better than hearing nothing for months...

Ahthankyew

Better or worse?

Had an itchy eye for a few months, its been getting really annoying, not worse, just annoying.., on the left side of my left eye away from the tear duct, so nothing simple like a blocked duct.

Went to the optician 1st a few weeks back and.... ended up with glasses... which is ok I was due some new ones... They said I should see the doctor if it gets worse... it didnt' get worse, but it didn't get better.

Anyway after an especially eye watering meeting at work, I booked an appoointment (next day mum....) and just come back

Theres some kind of spot on my eyeball, they're not sure, but referred me to opthamologist at the hossie... I'll get an email for an appointment.

Well at least its something tangable, not just me sticking a dirty finger in my eye.

in the meantime, carry a box of tissues to dab my eyes.....

Ahthankyew

Thats a lot of driving

Our now annual trip to Thailand is almost over, we fly back tomorrow, though annoyed we can't checkin on line as they think Jirawan needs a visa, when she has residency... doh! but we can fix that at the airport, though we might not get to have 2 seats together...one of the things that pisses me off is that they charge you to select seats, its such a con. 

Normally though if you check in on line early enough you automatically get allocated two seats... Checking in at the airport, you get whats left....we'll have to see,

Anway, been a nice trip but very very tiring. I think its safe to say we didn't plan this well at all, with lots of one night stays in various places which took hours to get to.... we didn't in all honestly see much of anything except roads and beds...Jirawan did get to see her friends though so thats a plus, but for me it was frustrating not to exparience Thai living and have a good old mooch around different places... oh well.

Next year we stay in one place, and I camp there for 2 weeks, friends can come visit us, or Jirawan can go off and see them herself.. we both get the best deal then.

Sad to leave though, I do love Thailand, the people are lovely, hardworking, industrious and friendly, I look forward to my eventual retirement here. 

Back to work on Monday.... oh the thrill............not.

Ahthankyou

Had me a bit scared there.

Mum's unwell, she was taken to hossie via ambulance, with a high fever and breathing issues... not good for an 83yo, who's not done any Marathons this year that I know of.

For a few hours we were very worried, but my brother Colin sent us some info that she was being treated and was quite poorly.

Anyway long story short... after a worrying night, Colin reported that she was still poorly, sufferring from pneumonia, but was feeling a bit better. As the day progressed the reports demonstrated she was getting a bit better. Until finally Colin reported that she was "weak but able to complain".

At that point I know she was going to be ok, as long as she's got things to complain about she will be unbeatable.

She's still in hossie, best place for her, but Im sure she will find lots to complain about so we're happy.

phew.. Love you mum, get well soon and take care of yourself.

Ahthankyew

ok, so that wasn't my best idea!

Got a bit peckish last night as I was watching tv, having a nice rum, (not a session just a taste) and decided to look in the fridge.. We've not got much in, having blown a lot of cash on new glasses for both of us last week we put off the fortnightly shop.. but there was some nice blackpudding, we'd picked up at the last shop.. and some frozen pita bread..

Time to do a Gordon Ramsey meals in 5 mins from nothing, and I was soon munching on a nice Black Pudding pitta...

All good, until about 4am when my stomach,  decided I had to wake up urgently. Not really the most unusual request these days, if its not having to pee at 5am due to having to drink a lot to keep my internals clean, its having to poo becuase of my diverticulosus, which messes your bowel habits up in awful ways.

This however was different.. rennies didn't calm it, and while sitting on the loo it was clear I was going to be there a little while as I started to do the cold sweat thing...

Did I mention that it was a fortnight since we last went shopping... ermm yeah, well that might have been a little too long to wait to eat the Black Pudding... sure enough it decided it wanted to leave, promptly, and I found myself doing the toilet call for Huey and the twist for the squits for a few turns. Managed to keep them in sequience rather than simultaniously...lucky...

ugg...fortunatly it cleared out after 3 or 4 yawns, and similar brown soda streams..... and I went back to bed..

Today I've been enjoying Jirawans lovely rice soup, which is basically the Thai equivilent of  jewish chicken soup to make me feel a bit better..

maybe it was the rum........ oh...

Ahthankyew

Death... and taxes

Recently I've heard of a lot of old collegues and some family passing on, it seems like every week someone I knew or know of, or a movie/pop star I liked as a kid has popped off.  Its time to check the obits to see if I've kicked it.

And yeah... it has me contemplating my time, which is probably on the horizon.. Since my youngest brother passed on a few years ago from a heart condition it just makes it clear that any moment now your time is up..Even if you are fairly fit and healthy, which I'm not.

I'm not viewing this with any kind of dread or fear, just a realisation that the time I have left is far less than the time I've had so far.

Added to that a range of physical ailments which are starting to get in the way of everyday life and you start to realise the road ahead is getting a bit bumpy, and I'm very much over the top of the hill getting ready for that last big bumpy dip on the rickety rollercoaster of life.

I'm making some changes, financially, phusically Im still fucked :D, but Im going to be pretty ok when I retire in 7 years, and we're putting money into our pension pots as much as legal limits allow. We won't be rich but we certanly won't be British OAP pensioner poor.

7 years... yup, that and a few months, is all the official legal time I can work here in NL before I get the boot into the retirement home... Though I can probably get a few years more if I'm fit..I'm pretty sure I won't try to extend that time 

I'd much rather retire a little earlier but I don't see that as being possible, so we'll aim for that 67 and 3 months retirement age.

The plan is simple, retire to Thailand, sun, cheap prices, easy to buy houses from the proceeds of selling here, and excellent medical care for when things are less easy.

Enjoy the last of the summer wine somewhere interesting fun and exciting,  that time in our twilight,  needs to be used well, if I get 15-20 good retirement years I'll have done well..

oh taxes... yeah nothing much to say about that... quite happy to pay taxes here in NL, they are high but you clearly see the benefit of them in the roads/streets and so on.... Thailand has lower taxes, but no idea if my pension is taxed at source or at desination, I'll check that out.

We're going to be making another trip to Thailand in Oct, to scout for nice places, we're still too far off the time to be buying but making enquires abut things and ensuring all is in place is fun.

edit, just 2 days ago, I heard of another collegue and friend who passed away quite suddenly, his wife would like us to not put details on Social media so I won't say too much.. But a lovely warm hearted man, just 51...there's no way to rationalise such a loss. 

Ahthankyew

Health Scam's

A lot of scams trigger me into rages... this is a problem I think I can control most of the time since I seldom personally get dragged into them. But there's a rise in scams and scam acceptance on social media that is worrying.

A few obvious ones are denial of science like flat earth, anti vax and space denial... this is soooo big a cult I just find myself slack jawed in awe about how stupid it is. But as crazy as it sounds, people join in and NASA is evil etc... even a couple of seconds of critical thinking would make it clear thats a no..

But there's one thing that just utterly pisses me off, health scams... fake cancer cures, being among the worst, recently there's been a rise in cures for diabetes,  and anti viral concoctions, even some groups encouraging people to contract HIV to live longer......wtaf??

Pure unadultarated snake oil, praying on the sick and dying... These sellers and scammers and knownothings,  need to be strung up in public and very slowly left to die in agony, like many of the people they prey on who deserve a better end.

Slightly less horrible are the ones who target the desperate and weak, like us fatties and those who want to look better..any plastic surgeon who thinks its ok to give someone fish lips, or make them look like Barbie or Ken is insane and needs to be struck off.

Further down the list is the health and diet quacks... sadly these target people like me, overweight, unfit and kinda wanting to be better but not got the will power to do it... Maybe a pill will do it?

But it won't of course, but there's no end of people trying to shift products to convince us they have the answer... Whats also upsetting is almost all of these are sold by MLM scams, which people fall into and start to believe the cultish propoganda of success they are fed.. It's sad to see people I know get wrapped up in nonsense like that. Also sad to see them lash out in defence of perceived attacks when you try to bring them to reality... There's nothing you can do, but wait till they realise they are victims as well.

Scams are horrible, I hate them all..Keep a cynical head on, if something is too good to be true...it is... there's no ifs or buts... it is... walk away, maybe offer a helping hand, but know that it will be slapped away if they are too far gone.

Ahthankyew

I don't blog so much

I've noticed this, more and more I post my little tidbits of insight into my personal life on Facebook, that at least keeps mum upto date, but it does kinda mean sprog isn't in the loop, she has no facebook account, or indeed much of a social media presence at all.

I think thats pretty amazing really, given how utterly absurd most of social media is..Pretty much all I see now on there are idiots moaning about soap opera's a....oops sorry mum.

But really it is getting pretty bad, I'm seriously considering dumping it...aside from some acces to publicise my game projects.

Its like a dark hole you fall into and never look up, just noticing all the really dumb shit people think about things... 

I always used to think the internet woukld make people more aware of the world and allow those who don't get out much to get insight into how the world works, but nope, it really isn't happening. The internet instead has allowed dumb fucks to gather together and proudly display and encourage others in their stupidity.

No amount of facts, experience, evidence, pleading, demonstrating etc,  can persuade a stupid person they are wrong when they have at least one other stupid person agreeing with them.

Add to that the spread of hate and fear from frankly quite evil people and it just makes the world seem a very depressing place.

This is why we have such incredible rises in conspiracy theories and and a result... dumb as fuck asshole politicians ruling us..

Im getting to really despair about the world and where its going... and the main driving forces of that seem to be reality TV and Social Media...Catering to the lowest base needs ot people will never produce anything of merit, allowing education to be neglected over feelings, letting people speak falsehoods as truth without challenge... its out of hand.

So yeah... considering dropping out... getting back to the much more happy reality that I have in my life now with Jirawan and planning for a hopefully comfortable retirement in 7 years or so (wait....only 7 years... how did I get to be so old,...)

So...that was depressing... I'll try to be more cheerful next time

Ahthankyew

Watch out George, my time is coming.

Is George Cloony still the sexiest man alive? I know for quite a while he was/is, due in no small part to his greyin salt and pepper hair colour... and maybe some chisled good looks, but I'm sticking with the hair.

Well move over, cos my salt n pepper look is well and truly on the way.. from having a few flecks of easy to hide grey I'm most certinly joining the sexiest men alive club. Every second hair it seems has decided grey is thw way to be... So looking quite dashing now... for a while at least.

sigh... also this means another step towards old age... Im wondering how long before I'm totally grey?

Ahthankyew

Life is good but stil fat

Been a while, how's things? good?

Mum's finally moved to her new apartment, so hoping to see her soon, we got a 6 month visa from the UK so Jirawan and I can travel together, and then see what can be done to extend that. We'll see mum and sprogs in April. Looking forward to that.

Diet is still honestly ongoing, a few minor lapses, but very much focused on less eating, but having very little effect on weight, only a few kilos dropped...  I guess when things get warmer and I can come to work on my bike (not the 1100c, the pedal) I might start to drop a bit more..

I've also decided to take some steps to reduce some of my work load.. As the Y1 lead I had a lot of minor but time consuming tasks, and some stress that came with them, but taking stock of things I decided to step back from it.. At the end of the block I can go back to being the grumpy old teacher in the corner.... and already Im happy about that... Less stess means more time to have fun at home so quite enjoying the prospect of that.

Nothng much else to report, Dutch weather is proving to be bizzare but in a few more weeks we should start to see more sun and it'll be time to get the Shadow out from under the covers for some trips.

Ahthankyew

Not a new year resolution, but.....

Again my weight is out of control, 105.8kg

shit

Its really hard to stop eating when Jirawan makes such lovely food, and tends to stock the fridge with tasty things... but no... I am on another diet, 20th time is the charm.

Ahthankyew

A perfect storm

Aside from spending time with Jirawan, and having her bring me to tears of laughter, or joy with just being herself,  the thing I love most about her is her insane desire to do her own stuff.. :D

She's addicted to Thai soaps, and any chance she gets she watches them on her phone or streamed to the TV.. which is fine, I am addicted to coding... So when we're not being all gooey eyed over each other, she gets to watch soaps and I go and do coding..

Thats the very definition of a perfect marriage 2 people doing what they want together and 2 people doing what they want individually.

God I love that woman. Where the hell was she 30years ago? 

Ahthankyew