No good deed goes unpunished

Its taken me a very very long time to realise this... But, being nice to people, helpful, understanding, caring.....very often does not produce the same in return. Actually, thinking hard about my life, with few exceptions, it never produces the same in return.

People with agenda's are never going to change their agenda because you are nice to them. In fact your niceness may indeed push them off their agenda, or be seen to harm their agenda and then they turn on you.

Its deeply upsetting to see people you are trying to help lash out and attack you with utterly absurd comments or actions. (yes we're talking a very very few students).

Its almost part of the job these days which is upsetting. Times are changing and now we have to be careful not to hurt peoples feelings which in turn removes or at least narrows the range of criticism you can give to people.. Nothing  resonates more loudly than a failing student, who hasn't actually done any work, complaining that the work is confusing or too hard, or... they just don't feel they can handle it???...Its as if they somehow decided  that complaning is even more effective than doing.

Get a fucking grip.

Its not, it never will be, doing the work, well, is how you progress in life. Listening to teachers telling you  you're not doing well isn't an insult you need to get butt hurt about, its advice to try harder, or in some cases, reconsider... An honest teacher caring that you don't go down a path of clear failure should be something to respect...It isn't it really isn't, and thats very sad..

In the last couple of years, I've had incidents where such advice has resulted in massive and very public melt downs from "vicitmised", students, complaining of "toxic" behavious and poor education. Now victimised means, asking where's the work more than once a week, and toxic means, if you don't stop doing that, I'll have to remove you from the group..... wow... wait till they get to the real world eh!

Only a couple, I must state clearly, out of hundreds, but it only takes 1 or 2 to throw chum in the water to have the sharks circling. The adage there is no smoke without fire, isn't helped by the fact that Im well known as a grumpy old man... but also a cuddly fat bear.... you get to choose which, simply by trying to do your best.

I remind you dear reader... we are currently ranked amongst the very best schools in the world at what we do...so... clearly we're doing it wrong becuase students who don't want to follow the course we set up, feel a need to vent and have their clearly well thought out professional and seasoned opinions heard and immediately acted on....immediately... or else.

I need to re-evaluate how I deal with students now,  even though this is a tiny tiny minority of students who get this agitated, its a noisy group who like to be heard.. Of course these complaints have been dismissed they have no merit whatsoever, quite rightly, but even so, the sense of sadness I feel that this is what teaching is bcoming. Student relationships are becoming a minefield of hurt feelings and excuses for not working rather than the driven success it used to be. 

In part this is due to covid, the lockdown changed a lot of things... so mabye it will be better in a year or so, but also... have to say, some if it is due to students just not being as driven as they were...there's a serious change in the students now, compared to 10, even 5 years ago..  

I'll have to detatch my personal feelings and hopes in students a bit more.. 

Basically no more Mr Nice guy from now on, Im not interested in having my care and attention in their progress thrown back at me.

Retirment is now starting to look all the sweeter... but still 10-12 years away... but happy to start planning.

I better point out, for the sake of any legal issues (even having to say this makes me angry) that these opinions are my own....as is everything I ever post on this blog... Its just stuff for my family to read.

Ahthankyew

question

What happens when you go to an event with thousands of people wansdering around wearing masks but eat lunch with hundreds around not wearing masks.

You get Covid.... 

A nice pressie I discovered on my return to NL, despite several tests while there, my test when I got home was positive as was the follow up 2 days later....

Im ...ok...kinda, got some symptoms, cough for sure, headache and raspy chest with slight breathlessness, about the same level as a bad cold.. But the worst part is how utterly exhausted I am. Going upstairs requires planning what step I should make camp on to recover....well, ok a slight exageration, but I do totally run out of steam quickly then have to snooze for a bit and its very hard to keep my focus on one..oh a butterfly.

Its a good job I had my jabs, it was almost inevitable that I'd catch it sometime, and if this is mild, I'd hate to get the full version.

Should be ok in a few more days.

Ahthankyew

edit 4/4/22 recovered and tested negative... am now bulletproof for about 6 month

Sad Francisco

Im at GDC and the show itself is cool, meeting some old faces, and some new, and learning a few new things at some of the sessions. 

But

I have a stinking cold thats wearing me down...just a cold, did 2 covid tests just in case  both neg.. So taking some grade A usa cold meds, which kinda help but Im a snot fountain with a cough and regular sneezing which in these covid times freaks the fuck out of people lol

And another thing, this place...jeez this place, so many homeless, sleeping/ pissing in doorways, shouting at the world at every corner, so much incredible poverty in a place were a burger costs $30,  which even shocked the out of town American ahead of the queue I was in at Carls Jr. Is it made of gold he asked... but he paid... I didn't, I found a much cheaper BK and had a very nice burger for half that...

The contrast of seeing someone sleeping rough in front of a Rolex superstore is insane... and thats everywhere in this high end financial district.

Anyway, missing Jirawan, wish she was here, but also I'm glad she can't see this. Looking forward to getting hack to her soon.

Ahthankyew

wow, am I slipping?

Kinda, sorry mum, been mega busy with my project, also work, this is an intensive block for me personally, and getting it up and running was hard work.

And just generally having fun.. doing.... this... My Pi game... its still got weeks, maybe a few months left to do but I am seeing a light at the end of it

Ahthankyew

Happy its not 2021 anymore

It was quite a year wasn't it, I don't think there was a lot to salvage from it, but Jirawan and I enjoyed the time together, I hope in 2022 I can finally take her out for a nice meal in Breda....once this lockdown ends.

But be positive Brian.... Happy New Year mum, hope its going to be good, we'll try to get over to you as soon as we can but too many restrictions at the moment.

So...2022...ok resolutions......hmmm I've done that before, but of course my weight is out of control, 103kg now... there's a downside to being married to a good cook... But ok going to try and drop 23kg and get down to 80....who knows.

My Raspberry project is coming to an end..well its starting to come to an end, aiming for Feb/March its been great to work on. Also the long long horror of the colecovision project might be finally getting resolved, Another z80 enthusiast has stepped in to help push it through as I failed to overcome  the near total codeblock I had on doing assembly, I even managed to write a few lines last night, that did...nothing, but at least I felt I did something. I hope it gets done this month and I can learn from it.. the block is very real, and most upsetting. I hoped that the Raspberry project would pull me through but its a quite different psychological impact, I just can't think in z80 any more....so sooner its done and out the sooner I can bury any efforts to do any more assembly.

Time to do some home shopping too, we need a new couch, and a new bed, and at some point new bathroom and kitchen. Finances will get a bit better in June once an ill advised loan is paid off, and I think we'll use that income to fund the kitchen, Jirawan will enjoy a kitchen with a bit more space and a proper oven. Sadly no gas though, as its being phased out in NL.. strange to think that electicity is cheaper... oh well, its a summer/autumn project.

I got another week off before we start work again, online for the rest of the block sadly but hopefully we get back to normal soon. The government says 14th Jan...fingers crossed...but...cases of Covid are still high....we'll see.. I'm planning a massive curry night to celebrate end of lockdown...hope we can do it, I'll start the cooking soon and freeze the curries.

Right, off to do some coding, a bit of Z80 if I can manage it....tots ziens.

Ahthankyew

ooh fancy that

I lost a few teeth last year due to the bone necrosis I have from my radiotherapy 10 years ago... Its ok I was warned... One of my teeth, my right lower canine, I actually pulled out myself, they just lost all the bone to support them, I lost 4 in total, no biggie... got some nice new falsies now.

The last few days though I was having some odd issues with a sore at the extraction site of that canine.. it seemed to be a scab on the gum, which was odd because it was hard, scabs in the mouth tend to go mushy..

But no this was a scratchy one and when I tried to pick at it or whatever it just bled and seemed to go, then come back a few hours later.

With almost superhuman effort I avoided messing with it for a few days to see if it would heal.. it didn't but it did get a little bigger.

So much so that I was going to call the dentist to make an urgent appontment, but I tried one last time to pick it off... with my guitar nails... and out it popped.. It was the remains of a tiny fragment of tooth that must have been left behind when I pulled it, just the tip but tooth for sure.

My body must have pushed it up to the exit point... remarkable, I didn't know that was even a thing.. 

This actually explains why my gums had an unexplained infection earlier this year when I was being fitted for my falsies, had to go on AB's to fix it, but there was no clear reason for the infection... Almost certainly it was my body telling this tooth fragment to do one.

Anyway, its out, the site will heal again and no need for emergency dentist, I'll let her know about it next checkup.

 

Ahthankyew

oops, at least no one died

There were a few storms the last couple of days... and guess what, the solar panels blew over and one landed up in our upstairs balcony.

eeekk they could have gone flying...

They seem to still be intact, but the frame they were on is bent all out of shape, so I need to build a new one... which is not something I really want to do in winter, so I think it best I get both panels cleaned up and stored until the spring...

not going to make much money from them in winter anyway..

Ahthankyew

Update Brian, update

Im sorry, its not that I don't care :D just not had a lot to say about things. Loving my life at the moment (careful thats a sure way to tempt bad things to happen),  and been busy doing cool things with my mad Raspberry Project which is where most of my online attention has been. 

Happy to also say FBR are starting to gig again as things pick up and return to normality (again a sure way to tempt bad things) which means a lot of new songs and rehearsals, so life is full and very very happy. 

We had a nice little break in Gran Canaria last month, well I say nice, it wasn't quite the break we had planned, I thought I had booked an all inclusive stay in a mid priced hotel.. Instead it was a lodgings only bungalow park, with some serious lack of hot water for showers. But thats my fault for not checking the Tui search properly. I'll know better next time, but if I tick the allinc button I expect and allinc result. We still had such a good time,eating out and exploring.. but damn those cold showers.

It was a lovely holiday though, a great week away with J and we enjoyed it so much. Despite her have a small bout of self induced food poisioning before we left(next time she'll belive me when I say horse chesnuts are not edible)  which kept us in the bungalow for a few days till she felt better. We hired a car and drove all over having fun and exploring.

Its the last few days of Block A, and though the overall skill level of this years intake was quite low at the start I'm happy to say they have picked up the pace for the most part and improved considerably. Its good to see that when students make progress. Last year was much more frustrating, party due to the Covid working from home situation I suspect.

Speaking of Covid, the numbers here are on the rise again leading to a re-introduction of some restrictions, but no lock down as yet.. fingers crossed.

Ok, back to work, the dreaded grading next week :(

Ahthankyew

Been busy.

Wow its been a busy month, all sorts of things stealing time, but finally things are settling down at work, and next week no more covid restrictions (for a while at least).

There's no big events to really talk about, work has been the prime issue, life is still good.. and we need a holiday again :D

Ahthankyew

where did it go

Well that was a lovely long break, nice holiday, lots of sleeping and relaxing, no stress. Lots of laughs and settling into life we want when we retire.

Weather in NL could have been a lot better though, was hoping to have an end of holiday BBQ but its rained pretty much every weekend. We'll see what we can do in Sept.

And now the holidays are over... time to get my shit collected up again and make ready for a new year... and hopefully an end to the work from home routine, at least for a few days. I have enjoyed working from home, but do miss the interaction with staff and students. So we're going back to the office with my 2 jabs in place. Pretty sure at some point I'll catch the lurgy, but my chances of dying are a lot less.

Getting my coding head back on now, been tinkering a bit with some Rpi stuff which is immense fun, but also now have to focus on finishing things and getting ready for a nice new batch of bright young things.

I hope we don't get the same levels of disconnection and entitlement as we did last year, the situation of online and small echo chambers created some very bad situations that I really want to avoid this year.

Well we'll see, got a new bike to cycle to and from work, if its not pissing down, and if I can keep on top of things better from the office we should have a good fun year.

Looking forward to more gigs and both bands being up and running again soon. Starrcase has had to go into mothballs due to the lockdown but we're creeping out slowly this month to rehearse for one of our own's wedding, and then hopefully back to doing school gigs.

FBR is starting to pick up gigs as well, we maintained a modest level of rehearsal in lockdown, but we need to get gig ready again soon.

Onward with the new academic year,... lets see if I'm in despair in 2 weeks time

Ahthankyew

home is where the mosquitos don't bite

we're home, it was a great holiday but there's no denying the mosquitos used me as an all you can eat buffet, I have terrible bites all over.

The holiday was great though we did a lot of cruises and site seeing, had several lazy days and lots of drinking an lie ins...

was great.... need a holiday to get over it.

Its a bit surreal to wake up and witness a greek sunrise over the mountains and return home to a chilly 26degs with no mountains.

Ahthankyew

I need a holiday

I need a holiday after the effort of planning this one.

jeez everything, and I mean everthing that could go wrong has gone wrong, all thats left is that I'll leave my passport at home when I set off.

We need to go for a 2nd covid test in 30 mins becuase I didn't think to change the time of the PCR test I booked the day before travel for the old cancelled holiday to Cyprus,... I didn't take into account that the new flight  to Greece is 12 hours ealier, so there's strong chance our PCR test won't be completed before we get to the airport... it is a 24 hour test, and we only have 14 hours from the time we took it... too close a margin, had me frantically searching for fast tests.

But at least Greece accepts rapid tests so we're heading off shortly, and will have the results in 4 hours so just in time for tomorrows travel

I just don't deal with this kind of stress well....need this holiday.... yet somehow can't help thinking that its going to go wrong.....somehow.

Ahthankyew

my 5g is broken

2nd jab, no major side effects, a sore arm for a couple of days a bit worse than first time but otherwise good,.

Neither of us have expereinced any fever or illness and we're good to go, building up our resistance as we prepare for a nice holiday break

We were booked to go to Cyprus but it was cancelled when they went to corona orange status.

so now we go to Corfu... it'll be nice.

or else.

Ahthankyew

Hey fatty bum bum

its been no secret to anyone that reads this, that I've been aware of my weight issues for a while, and made some effort to get things under control, but...not with the seriousness and commitment it needed.

then I saw this video of an impromptu acoustic set at a Whetstone reunion.

It has shocked me... seriously, that big blue beach ball is me.... thats absurd... really.. Most of my life I have been a skinny short arse, now I'm a major fat lardy ball...and still short.
I start at 102.3kg.... and thats 30kg too much, put that into perspective I'm 30% overweight and thats going to do some harm to my heart or give me diabeties. Its certainly going to shorten my life.

I can joke all I want about Jirawans food being too tempting but its me that keeps shoving it in my cakehole.

I've posted this video on my facebook and pinned it to the top, it stays there till I lose that 30kg. It might take a year, but I can't ever let myself look like that, its just painful.

Dramatic cutback in food, more excercise and when I get a bit more in shape I'll do the gym thing. 

Can't stand looking at this video, even though we were having so much fun on the night, that fat bastard is me...and I just don't think I'll be around much longer if I don't sort it.

Ahthankyew

time for a rant

Not had one of these for a while have I? Did you miss them?

This time its social media... Facebook/Twitter./Linked-in etc

All sites I use regular;y and often, both for information and pleasure... I like being on there, it gives me a way to connect with people I have made connections with from all over the world.

Which if that was all it did I'd be perfectly happy. But I also have to endure the endless streams of fake/spam ads, and more worringly the misguided and sometimes fucking outright stupid opinions of others. Ok so opinions I can cope with...but some opinions need to be called out, or shut down.

Yes this is an anti-vax/anti science rant... And more importantly its about social media doing absolutely fuck all to stop them... not a damn thing, if you actually take the time to report something, their security teams (ie a bot) refuses to remove the post/profile despite even the most cursory glance showing it to be nonsense, often dangerous nonsense often with links to even more dangerous nonsense and...content they themselves (social media that is) claim they are not allowing.....

They are quite happy to give out warnings to people who post jokes about the crazy dutch collegues I work with.. because "crazy" means hate speech, even in a joke, but unwilling to remove a clear ad for sexual content, or misinformation that claims thousands are dying from covid 19 vaccinations with a link to an ultra right bs website.

They simply don't give a shit do they... and its time they did..they promised they would, they even were threatened by different government agencies... but all they have done is key word bot searches and ignore humans pointing out...ermm this friend request is from someong selling a porn site......oh its ok, its not against our rules (yes it totally is), thanks for helping us keep <insert social media here> safe..


twats, the lot of them.

Ahthankyew

oww but thats all

worth a follow up considering all the misinfromation around, which is absurd.

Only 2 side effects both of us had sore arms for a couple of days, and the day after I was pretty tired, not sick levels of go to bed tired, but both of us needed to take it easy but we were not in any way debilitated.

2 days later, soreness is pretty much gone for J, a litte bit for me and am my usual, need coffee then get started.

Roll on dose 2.

Ahthankyew

Pfizer membership confirmed

So at different times and locations, we both got our jabs yesterday, and we're excited to be on the road to some levels of normal. No major side effects, though our arms are a bit sore, that will pass though.

going to start planning our holiday, not quite sure where but we're certainly going to fly to osome scorching sun.

Ahthankyew

Jabs delayed

We're not quite sure what happened, but Jirawans appointment didn't go through, I guess there was a confirm/accept button on the booking site that was missed. We waited for the email and sms confirmations all weekend, and nothing came, so we had to check the site again to see our schedule and it was not there.

so I screwed up somewhere..

But its ok, Jirawan is far more resourceful than I am and she called up to get her a booking on the same day as me, the 9th, and its set, not at the same time and place as mine but sorted all the same.. we should therefore be free to travel during our summer break as we hoped.

fingers crossed.

Ahthankyew

Jabs ahoy..

Even though techically I was first in line, I choose to have mine a little later due to not wanting to travel too far on a work day.. so mine is in Breda on june 9. Jirawan was able to book hers a week later, but they offered here jabs on the same day, but quite some distance away... Sadly I still have not mastered the art of being in 2 places at one time so I can drive her so we had to wait a few days to book a new appointment.

and she gets heres before me on June 1st, though it is at a location thats some distance from here, I can at least drive her there.
Our 2nd jabs are 1 month later

so... hopefully that means end of July/start August, we'll both be immune and able to travel a bit in time for the summer holidays. A trip to Thailand is still not really viable, they are still in lock down there big time.. and I'd be in quarantine even with my jabs, but we can find a 2 week getaway and squeeze in a trip to the uk I'm sure.


Better get the kettle on mum, we will be heading over.

Ahthankyew

Life is good...but

I am sorry to not be updating so often recently, even though blogs are kinda old fashioned now I do like maintaining this, even if mum has almsot upgraded to facebook :D

I'm still doing fine, happy, so fucking happy with life at the moment, even cracking a few smiles. Work is hard, at times, but at least I have work, personal projects go in rapid cycles of wow, to ..ermmm what now... but all in all I can't be happier.. bored with the lockdown, but still happier.

I have been reflecting a little bit, as I do at this time of year on my experience with cancer, it never quite escapes me, due to the fact I have visible and physical reminders of it. But its pretty remarkable that I got through it and have so much to look forward too. I've got a bit of a dodgy tooth that needs to be seen to, I always hate going to the dentist though, but....well if I hadn't that time........dum dum duuuuum.

Ok well this is getting a bit soppy... nothing much to see really, life is good, no sign of holidays being possible due to lockdown, but we're considering a campervan tour of europe...though like many things its looking more expensive and less allowable than we thought... maybe a cruise...maybe

Waiting for our jabs...any day now for me, but Jirawan may need to wait another month or so...

right back to facebook for more pics of cats.

Ahthankyew