Still seeking ....something

I had a strange evening last night, I met up with Brenda to give her some  things of hers I'd found, though I stupidly forgot to take the bag of LED lights she'd asked me specifically for. I did get the photos I found on an SD card transferred to more usable USB and CD

Such a strange evening, we went for a meal, and of course it was awkward, I can't deny my feelings for her have not diminished at all in the last 11 months, She looked amazing as always, and her smile still made my heart flutter, though she didn't smile as much as I remember, as much as I've tried to move on this women still occupies all my waking thoughts.....sad innit

As always the problem is that she simply doesn't feel the same way, she's not really moved on per-se but she's also not interested in going back...strange sort of limbo we both seem to be in. I was left feeling incredibly sad at the loss of this relationship that shaped my life and offered so much promise, and that some of the consequences of my bad handling of what was a minor argument could cause so much pain, to both of us.
I'd give anything to try to fix it, but its not up to me, thats also more reasons to be sad.

I don't know why I'm posting this, its not as if she's ever going to read it, or understand, I just felt I should...after  all the whole point of this is to document how I feel about things, good bad or plain sad
Maybe I just need more time, 5 or 6 years might do it.






Ahthankyew