Taking a moment or 2

So yesterday, was mums cremation.. Colin and I agreed it wasn't really needed for me to go there for what was a very simple understated and brief event, so I stayed in NL and went to work as normal, but I took a few moments at work to sit in the sun and remember some times from childhood and adulthood with mum. there were a lot of times where she made me laugh, cry, feel shame, pride and comfort in her advice as well as the odd points of conflict and annoyance. Mum's do that... they get to bring you down and they get to raise you up.. how you go through life then is up to you.

One of my friends at work saw me and took this pic... he made a bit of a joke about it when he sent it, but even so...I thought it hit a nail on the head. Being alone for a little while with my thoughts as mums last journey was taking place allowed a bit of closure... only a bit, it will take a long long time to come to terms with not being able to call on her no nonsense advice and sometimes absurd complaints on the irritations of life. :D

Time to sort out the bad shit in life and focus on the good.. 

Ahthankyew

A good start

After a 1st weekend of restrictive fasting and a few more days of low cal, I'm down to 102.6.

I suspect the 108 was more due to being a bit bloated from travel and the effect of pork pies, etc... but its encouraging all the same to see the numbers drop.. Hoping to see under 100 in a week or 2. That will be a big incentive.

Ahthankyew

Lets try this again...

One thing my mum did talk about at length when she was pretty lucid, was the size of my belly.... gotta be honest I didn't like it, that wasn't the last conversation I wanted to have with her, and it wasn't, but it stuck in my head.

Sadly I can't disgree with her, there's no doubt my many attempts at diets have failed miserably. And when I finally got home, I checked, 108kg.....wtf 

Thats just silly... so... ok, once again I will make an attempt to get the weight off,  if for no other reason to wipe that comment from mum from my brain.

The sad death of Dr Micheal Mosley in Greece also made me remember the intermittent fasting regime he championed, so ..thats the way I will work. Low carb, low cals, more excercise and very restricted calories at the weekend (except when cooking dinner for guests)

Lets see if mums on my shoulder commenting on my belly as I go through this.

Ahthankyew

Sheila Guild 21.5.41 - 9.6.24

Mum put up quite a fight, I'm sure I saw her fade out and then force herself back more than a few times, Death asked for a kiss and she said bugger off..

But in the end it was a battle she was never going to win and despite my Brother and I sitting vigil for over a month, she decided to go while I popped out of the room for 2 mins to get a coffee... I am sure she did that to just be contrary.

She had a long life, it wasn't always good, lots of strife and no small amount of abuse and betrayal from the men in her life but in her old age she grew into the paramount grumpy old woman, taking no shit from anyone...even if it wasn't always needed to put up a fight.

She was always there for me, always willing to give her honest and often critical opinion on things I had trouble coping with. I didn't always listen, but her advice was always there as was her love.

I am going to miss her so much.

Ahthankyew

When is the right time to go?

Still with mum, she's so strong, but every day is a rollercoaster with massive dips and small climbs.. Mum hangs on, seemingly only to complain about the quality of Coronation St and Emmerdale, story lines.

She has moments of lucidity but not much ability to communicate, but she'll find something to be grumpy about and bump the adrenalin up a bit to keep going.

Bad humour aside, she's slipping away a little more each day and as I sit here beside her I see some astonishing reality of life more clearly than ever before... it ends. Yeah it's obvious when you see it isn't it? But only now at 60 and in the close proximity of mums end does it become painfully and blindingly clear.

Mum was nearly 23 when she had me, so if go, or decline at the same rate as her, which is what genetics tells us might happen, I may have 16ish good years of retirement to look forward to if I wait till I'm 67.  Its easy to say I'm fitter, stronger, healthier etc...but that's just wishful thinking... I'm 60... its downhill from here,  I already am collecting a nice portfolio of known conditions to scare insurance companies away. 

No, as I watch her battle for every breath with an inevitable outcome, I realise all I am doing is battling every month for another pay cheque.... its not worth it..  No more battles, no more arguments over salary, from this point on, its time to make preparations for retirement, clear the decks, make arrangements and go.. I'll still write games, that's my hobby, but the sooner 9-5 ends the sooner I can work when I want, not when I have to.

Not sure exactly when, the longer I stay in NL the better the retirement, but I also think that there's a cut off point where the extra time here isn't worth losing the time I can share with Jirawan in Thailand... 

For now though, I'm sitting with mum, filled with memories, triggered in part by going through rucksacks of old photos in her flat,  and sad to see this great lady near her end.  I'll cry buckets shortly... then we face the future. it needs to be a future filled the joy, or whats the point?

Ahthankyew

With mum

Currently in the UK for the last week or so to spend time with my mum, who is in Hospice care.

The next few days will be hard, but I am pleased to be here and hope we can do something to keep her spirits up......yeah no, mum's going to go down grumpy and angry and quite right too. She earned her grump stripes and she has every right to be mad as hell.

Ahthankyew

New book is a go...

I say new, but really its a 2nd edition updated... but even so its a nice thing, a chance to fix some of the errors of the 1st, and make it a slightly broader appeal for new coders.

I'm quite excited about this.. I will try to not spend too much time on it though since I only need to revise content, not write new content, I still want my Empirs project to get finished this year.

I'll hopefully manage to get the main content done quite quickly but updating the code for Raspberry and PC builds will be the main time killer. If I can nail the core Empires content by Summer as I hope, I will be able to then focus on doing some nice simple Pi4 versions of the Pi3 content I did before.

Fun..

Ahthankyew

t'is the season to be ill

arrhhh

Another monumental cold...and its wonderfull accompanying cough

I really need to get out of this cold wet climate... as I get older I get more and more caught into this cycle of colds and flus, with only brief summers of release.. I am tired of it.. I really want to make that move to Thailand, but can't live for 7 years on savings/house residuals....have to wait.

2530somthing days to retirement..........unless someone wants to donate 100K into my pension pot?

Ahthankyew

It came back, then went away then switched ears

yeah its a bit of a nasty one this, it came back, the earache, though not as bad, but enough to pop a paracetamol before bed.

Then of couse as I was about to make a call to the docs, it went away, then came back in the other ear... just before easter.. so no point in making a call..

now its gone.

so....... what... do I call the doc, or wait till it hurts again.

Getting old sucks

Ahthankyew

Swallowing again and good news.

I've had a horrible ear/throat infection for the last week/10 days, its been nasty, tied in with a horror of a cold that depleted my entire stock of lemsips. I still have the cough and a bit wheezy.

But the worst part was the ear/throat thing, making swallowing painful and chewing a bit of a challenge...This morning though I woke up able to swallow pain free.. so no need to dose myself with any more paracetamol...my liver will be thankful.

Its still a bit tender when I chew, so its not totally gone but it seems that I had some kind of inner ear infection thats now run its course... Just as I was about to call the doc and get checked out.

If it comes back I will call though, I just know that I had to wait that week or so, since doctors here wont' prescribe AB's unless you are really near deaths door or have given the infection time to run its course.

kinda a dumb rule I feel but thats just how it is here.

In other news, my book, which I had basically forgotton about, has been trending a bit after it was offered on a discount charity website HumbleBundle.com   Kinda a surprise, since the thing is vastly overpriced at the moment and can't be selling well, but you can pick it up for 1euro if you are so inclined in a PDF.

I think this is what also prompted my publisher to get hold of me via Linkedin, to ask if I'd be interested in an update.. They'd tried to contact me before but it seems they had a very old defunct email address for me. Even though I am sure I updated everyone when that address died.

The good news is... they have some royalties waiting for me... not enough to retire on, or go fulltime authoring of geeky text books, but a nice little holiday spending pot for later in the year.

I'll send in the forms to see if they agree to an update and maybe we'll see a 2nd Edition doing a bit better so that I can indeed retire and do autheoring of geeky text books... (I won't hold my breath though)

Ahthankyew

Ferrys are cool

We took another trip to the UK, but this time we tried the Ferry... and it was lovely.. yes a bit slow but so much less stresss and no standing in queues for hours to take your handbag and a biscuit on board.  Also the lack of  car hire, makes it about the same price generally as travelling up to Schipol, flight, car hire.

We did notice that some of the cost of the goods on the ferry caused us to spend a bit more than we want, but overall we enjoyed the experience and will do that again, certainly when going to London, but also the drive to Cheshire to see mum was not horrible, though we did stay overnight in Ipswich when we arrived.

Mum was very happy to see us, as well as getting a surprise visit from her 2 Scottish granddaughters.. It was good to see her happy.

There will be a few more trips booked in advance to save costs, Ferry is the way.. Plane only for urgency.

Ahthankyew

quick visit to hell, I mean uk

Popped over for the weekend to go check in on mum.. Super grumpy, but with good reason, so it was nice to see her.

The UK though....jeeze its getting worse, dirty broken and very congested roads, empty shops in high streeets, and a horribe sense of doom.

During a meal with Jirawan at a Manchester  Nando's I even had a bunch of 12-14yo's theatening me, when one of them backed into me as I went for a drink refill, and on telling him to "calm down son" as I put my hand out to stop him bumping me, his response of "fuck off" and going into threat mode with his mates was very unpleasent..  absolutely insane to have children feeling its ok to behave like that..

I honestly don't like going back to the UK, though a few more trips to see mum are on the cards. We'll give Manchester a miss. Warrington seemed a much nicer place... but still.. compared to NL.. there's really no comparision.

Ahthankyew

Back to work

sigh....

I have had a lovely break, lots of lazy days and lots of coding. One or 2 of the huge list of houshold tasks done (I put lights...2, in the cooker hood).. But today its over back to work

On the good side we got our 2 year visa to let us visit the UK, which we'll be doing a little more often as mum's health isn't great. And our saving plan, tough though it is, is starting to show some benefits.. Pension is up, mortgage is down (20c a month woowww) and bank saving are increasing.. Our goal is to be well prepared for retirement.. in 7 years,.

7 years.... still a long time, its not of course but I wish it was this year. I find myself less and less willing to keep going here.. my own health isn't great, though self inflicted, food and booze and winter is starting to grip, making me feel less intereested.

But these long holidays always have me thinking ahead for the  new home in Thailand we are hoping for... But while the pension isn't there yet... in about 2 years we could jump, live off savings for 5 years and then get a smaller pension. But... we need to push for as long as we can, every year is a boost to the pension....gotta get to the end.

7 years... maybe 5 if we make some serious dosh, but still...back to work, no more dreaming..

sigh

Ahthankyew

Reposted from Facebook

Ok so 60

I’m not ok with this, it’s too big a number. It’s made me ponder .

I’ve been looking back on all those years. So many of which are still printed on my memory. The events, the people, the loves I lost, the joys, the heartbreaks, the frustrations, the successes and the failures. The small moments of calm, the absolute points of dispair and resignation, great memories and nightmares that haunt me still

Life is all about the good and bad things I’ve done and had done and it’s just so overwhelming that there are too many to tally.

Now there’s the realization that whatever time I have left is shorter than what’s passed. It took a long time to find a partner I could truly call a soul mate and my greatest joy is knowing my daughter grew into a happy contented mother.

Overall I did ok. The balance sheet is largely in the positive, I owe apologies to some who may never hear it, and continued disdain to some who deserve it, but also thanks to many who made things possible by their simple acts of support and belief in me.

My friends are truly my friends and I love having you in my life. But I won’t choose any favorites, you know I love you and am here when you need a hug or a bit of sage but probably bad advice.

I’m going to make sure I spend these last years as badly and recklessly as I have the previous 60. But try to do less of the losing, Cos that’s what living is about,

There are 3 women at the centre of my life: My mum whose unyielding love is matched only by her grumpiness. My daughter Danni, who isn’t on social media and demonstrates her wisdom in that.

And of course my darling wife Jirawan who makes all things better with a smile….and too much food. With her, the future isn’t something to be feared or endured, it’s an adventure to enjoy.

Love you all.

Now fuck off

nope, I don't know why its pasted in inverted colours... I should add many confusions to this little thought stream.
added the pic, with the nice shirt from my bandmates

Ahthankyew

Cold season

Started a bit late this year, I usually get the sniffles and coughs just after summer when the new students come in to spread their germs and everyone has to pick up immunity by having it.

But this year, hasn't been too bad until this week, started to feel a bit rough on Wed, got the full snotty sneezy, wheezy bits on thursday and now I'm a walking dead.

Man flu, kills 9/8 men daily. There is no cure... help

Ahthankyew

hossie...

Don't panic, 

only an outpatient, there's some smidgen of a spot on my eye that they want to check out...nothing nasty apparently but its the cause of the itchy eye, so they are sending me to outpatients to check it out...

waiting for a mail to indicate when/where.

edit... I was hoping to proudly report that I had an appointment in a week and all was well...but I got a letter saying they're a bit busy at the moment and will send me an appontment when they are less busy.

oh..well I guess thats better than hearing nothing for months...

Ahthankyew

Better or worse?

Had an itchy eye for a few months, its been getting really annoying, not worse, just annoying.., on the left side of my left eye away from the tear duct, so nothing simple like a blocked duct.

Went to the optician 1st a few weeks back and.... ended up with glasses... which is ok I was due some new ones... They said I should see the doctor if it gets worse... it didnt' get worse, but it didn't get better.

Anyway after an especially eye watering meeting at work, I booked an appoointment (next day mum....) and just come back

Theres some kind of spot on my eyeball, they're not sure, but referred me to opthamologist at the hossie... I'll get an email for an appointment.

Well at least its something tangable, not just me sticking a dirty finger in my eye.

in the meantime, carry a box of tissues to dab my eyes.....

Ahthankyew

Thats a lot of driving

Our now annual trip to Thailand is almost over, we fly back tomorrow, though annoyed we can't checkin on line as they think Jirawan needs a visa, when she has residency... doh! but we can fix that at the airport, though we might not get to have 2 seats together...one of the things that pisses me off is that they charge you to select seats, its such a con. 

Normally though if you check in on line early enough you automatically get allocated two seats... Checking in at the airport, you get whats left....we'll have to see,

Anway, been a nice trip but very very tiring. I think its safe to say we didn't plan this well at all, with lots of one night stays in various places which took hours to get to.... we didn't in all honestly see much of anything except roads and beds...Jirawan did get to see her friends though so thats a plus, but for me it was frustrating not to exparience Thai living and have a good old mooch around different places... oh well.

Next year we stay in one place, and I camp there for 2 weeks, friends can come visit us, or Jirawan can go off and see them herself.. we both get the best deal then.

Sad to leave though, I do love Thailand, the people are lovely, hardworking, industrious and friendly, I look forward to my eventual retirement here. 

Back to work on Monday.... oh the thrill............not.

Ahthankyou

Had me a bit scared there.

Mum's unwell, she was taken to hossie via ambulance, with a high fever and breathing issues... not good for an 83yo, who's not done any Marathons this year that I know of.

For a few hours we were very worried, but my brother Colin sent us some info that she was being treated and was quite poorly.

Anyway long story short... after a worrying night, Colin reported that she was still poorly, sufferring from pneumonia, but was feeling a bit better. As the day progressed the reports demonstrated she was getting a bit better. Until finally Colin reported that she was "weak but able to complain".

At that point I know she was going to be ok, as long as she's got things to complain about she will be unbeatable.

She's still in hossie, best place for her, but Im sure she will find lots to complain about so we're happy.

phew.. Love you mum, get well soon and take care of yourself.

Ahthankyew

ok, so that wasn't my best idea!

Got a bit peckish last night as I was watching tv, having a nice rum, (not a session just a taste) and decided to look in the fridge.. We've not got much in, having blown a lot of cash on new glasses for both of us last week we put off the fortnightly shop.. but there was some nice blackpudding, we'd picked up at the last shop.. and some frozen pita bread..

Time to do a Gordon Ramsey meals in 5 mins from nothing, and I was soon munching on a nice Black Pudding pitta...

All good, until about 4am when my stomach,  decided I had to wake up urgently. Not really the most unusual request these days, if its not having to pee at 5am due to having to drink a lot to keep my internals clean, its having to poo becuase of my diverticulosus, which messes your bowel habits up in awful ways.

This however was different.. rennies didn't calm it, and while sitting on the loo it was clear I was going to be there a little while as I started to do the cold sweat thing...

Did I mention that it was a fortnight since we last went shopping... ermm yeah, well that might have been a little too long to wait to eat the Black Pudding... sure enough it decided it wanted to leave, promptly, and I found myself doing the toilet call for Huey and the twist for the squits for a few turns. Managed to keep them in sequience rather than simultaniously...lucky...

ugg...fortunatly it cleared out after 3 or 4 yawns, and similar brown soda streams..... and I went back to bed..

Today I've been enjoying Jirawans lovely rice soup, which is basically the Thai equivilent of  jewish chicken soup to make me feel a bit better..

maybe it was the rum........ oh...

Ahthankyew

Death... and taxes

Recently I've heard of a lot of old collegues and some family passing on, it seems like every week someone I knew or know of, or a movie/pop star I liked as a kid has popped off.  Its time to check the obits to see if I've kicked it.

And yeah... it has me contemplating my time, which is probably on the horizon.. Since my youngest brother passed on a few years ago from a heart condition it just makes it clear that any moment now your time is up..Even if you are fairly fit and healthy, which I'm not.

I'm not viewing this with any kind of dread or fear, just a realisation that the time I have left is far less than the time I've had so far.

Added to that a range of physical ailments which are starting to get in the way of everyday life and you start to realise the road ahead is getting a bit bumpy, and I'm very much over the top of the hill getting ready for that last big bumpy dip on the rickety rollercoaster of life.

I'm making some changes, financially, physically Im still fucked :D, but Im going to be pretty ok when I retire in 7 years, and we're putting money into our pension pots as much as legal limits allow. We won't be rich but we certanly won't be British OAP pensioner poor.

7 years... yup, that and a few months, is all the official legal time I can work here in NL before I get the boot into the retirement home... Though I can probably get a few years more if I'm fit..I'm pretty sure I won't try to extend that time 

I'd much rather retire a little earlier but I don't see that as being possible, so we'll aim for that 67 and 3 months retirement age.

The plan is simple, retire to Thailand, sun, cheap prices, easy to buy houses from the proceeds of selling here, and excellent medical care for when things are less easy.

Enjoy the last of the summer wine somewhere interesting fun and exciting,  that time in our twilight,  needs to be used well, if I get 15-20 good retirement years I'll have done well..

oh taxes... yeah nothing much to say about that... quite happy to pay taxes here in NL, they are high but you clearly see the benefit of them in the roads/streets and so on.... Thailand has lower taxes, but no idea if my pension is taxed at source or at desination, I'll check that out.

We're going to be making another trip to Thailand in Oct, to scout for nice places, we're still too far off the time to be buying but making enquires abut things and ensuring all is in place is fun.

edit, just 2 days ago, I heard of another collegue and friend who passed away quite suddenly, his wife would like us to not put details on Social media so I won't say too much.. But a lovely warm hearted man, just 51...there's no way to rationalise such a loss. 

Ahthankyew

Health Scam's

A lot of scams trigger me into rages... this is a problem I think I can control most of the time since I seldom personally get dragged into them. But there's a rise in scams and scam acceptance on social media that is worrying.

A few obvious ones are denial of science like flat earth, anti vax and space denial... this is soooo big a cult I just find myself slack jawed in awe about how stupid it is. But as crazy as it sounds, people join in and NASA is evil etc... even a couple of seconds of critical thinking would make it clear thats a no..

But there's one thing that just utterly pisses me off, health scams... fake cancer cures, being among the worst, recently there's been a rise in cures for diabetes,  and anti viral concoctions, even some groups encouraging people to contract HIV to live longer......wtaf??

Pure unadultarated snake oil, praying on the sick and dying... These sellers and scammers and knownothings,  need to be strung up in public and very slowly left to die in agony, like many of the people they prey on who deserve a better end.

Slightly less horrible are the ones who target the desperate and weak, like us fatties and those who want to look better..any plastic surgeon who thinks its ok to give someone fish lips, or make them look like Barbie or Ken is insane and needs to be struck off.

Further down the list is the health and diet quacks... sadly these target people like me, overweight, unfit and kinda wanting to be better but not got the will power to do it... Maybe a pill will do it?

But it won't of course, but there's no end of people trying to shift products to convince us they have the answer... Whats also upsetting is almost all of these are sold by MLM scams, which people fall into and start to believe the cultish propoganda of success they are fed.. It's sad to see people I know get wrapped up in nonsense like that. Also sad to see them lash out in defence of perceived attacks when you try to bring them to reality... There's nothing you can do, but wait till they realise they are victims as well.

Scams are horrible, I hate them all..Keep a cynical head on, if something is too good to be true...it is... there's no ifs or buts... it is... walk away, maybe offer a helping hand, but know that it will be slapped away if they are too far gone.

Ahthankyew

I don't blog so much

I've noticed this, more and more I post my little tidbits of insight into my personal life on Facebook, that at least keeps mum upto date, but it does kinda mean sprog isn't in the loop, she has no facebook account, or indeed much of a social media presence at all.

I think thats pretty amazing really, given how utterly absurd most of social media is..Pretty much all I see now on there are idiots moaning about soap opera's a....oops sorry mum.

But really it is getting pretty bad, I'm seriously considering dumping it...aside from some acces to publicise my game projects.

Its like a dark hole you fall into and never look up, just noticing all the really dumb shit people think about things... 

I always used to think the internet woukld make people more aware of the world and allow those who don't get out much to get insight into how the world works, but nope, it really isn't happening. The internet instead has allowed dumb fucks to gather together and proudly display and encourage others in their stupidity.

No amount of facts, experience, evidence, pleading, demonstrating etc,  can persuade a stupid person they are wrong when they have at least one other stupid person agreeing with them.

Add to that the spread of hate and fear from frankly quite evil people and it just makes the world seem a very depressing place.

This is why we have such incredible rises in conspiracy theories and and a result... dumb as fuck asshole politicians ruling us..

Im getting to really despair about the world and where its going... and the main driving forces of that seem to be reality TV and Social Media...Catering to the lowest base needs ot people will never produce anything of merit, allowing education to be neglected over feelings, letting people speak falsehoods as truth without challenge... its out of hand.

So yeah... considering dropping out... getting back to the much more happy reality that I have in my life now with Jirawan and planning for a hopefully comfortable retirement in 7 years or so (wait....only 7 years... how did I get to be so old,...)

So...that was depressing... I'll try to be more cheerful next time

Ahthankyew

Watch out George, my time is coming.

Is George Cloony still the sexiest man alive? I know for quite a while he was/is, due in no small part to his greyin salt and pepper hair colour... and maybe some chisled good looks, but I'm sticking with the hair.

Well move over, cos my salt n pepper look is well and truly on the way.. from having a few flecks of easy to hide grey I'm most certinly joining the sexiest men alive club. Every second hair it seems has decided grey is thw way to be... So looking quite dashing now... for a while at least.

sigh... also this means another step towards old age... Im wondering how long before I'm totally grey?

Ahthankyew

Life is good but stil fat

Been a while, how's things? good?

Mum's finally moved to her new apartment, so hoping to see her soon, we got a 6 month visa from the UK so Jirawan and I can travel together, and then see what can be done to extend that. We'll see mum and sprogs in April. Looking forward to that.

Diet is still honestly ongoing, a few minor lapses, but very much focused on less eating, but having very little effect on weight, only a few kilos dropped...  I guess when things get warmer and I can come to work on my bike (not the 1100c, the pedal) I might start to drop a bit more..

I've also decided to take some steps to reduce some of my work load.. As the Y1 lead I had a lot of minor but time consuming tasks, and some stress that came with them, but taking stock of things I decided to step back from it.. At the end of the block I can go back to being the grumpy old teacher in the corner.... and already Im happy about that... Less stess means more time to have fun at home so quite enjoying the prospect of that.

Nothng much else to report, Dutch weather is proving to be bizzare but in a few more weeks we should start to see more sun and it'll be time to get the Shadow out from under the covers for some trips.

Ahthankyew

Not a new year resolution, but.....

Again my weight is out of control, 105.8kg

shit

Its really hard to stop eating when Jirawan makes such lovely food, and tends to stock the fridge with tasty things... but no... I am on another diet, 20th time is the charm.

Ahthankyew

A perfect storm

Aside from spending time with Jirawan, and having her bring me to tears of laughter, or joy with just being herself,  the thing I love most about her is her insane desire to do her own stuff.. :D

She's addicted to Thai soaps, and any chance she gets she watches them on her phone or streamed to the TV.. which is fine, I am addicted to coding... So when we're not being all gooey eyed over each other, she gets to watch soaps and I go and do coding..

Thats the very definition of a perfect marriage 2 people doing what they want together and 2 people doing what they want individually.

God I love that woman. Where the hell was she 30years ago? 

Ahthankyew

Its a waste of time innit?

Social media I mean.

More and more I'm finding it to be nothing but a chore to look at.. I like the keeping in touch with people and the ability to keep friends together despite distance, but there are other more horrible aspects to it.

The fake news, the disinformation, the rise of the Dunning-Kruger experts and the dumbing down of expectation for lifestyle choices...

I mean, flat earth, mudflooders, Moon Landing deniers, gravity deniers etc

Its absurd, but socal media gives these loons a platform and sure enough others go, shiiit he's got a point I ain't never been to the moon so no one else can have duh I'm going to back this wise person he know things me no no.

It wouldn't be too bad if you could just tell them, no, thats not right, but you can't. People who are wrong, but are convinced they are right, have the backing of all their back slapping buddies to tell them how right they are, even though they are wrong, and they are wrong and their back slapping buddies tell them they are right... the circular back slapping in the echo chamber of stupid thought  expands, no matter what any history/science/medical text book might say 
Its mental and society will suffer for this rise of the "here's what I think it is" expert!

I saw this 10 years ago when my ex was and probably still is, majorly into homeopathy, the worlds dumbest form of alternative "medicine" but could she be told.. nope. I bit my tongue so many times with her, ahh the dumb shit she used to come out with but never face the fact it was utter bollox.

We're seeing it everywhere on so many subjects, know alls, and gold opinions from brainless celebs dictate our progress.... Lets not even start on Brexit.

I can see me going into my old age seeing a generation of utter morons taking power in 20 years, and suggesting that everything we learned was propaganda from deep state anti Trump experts... Its depressing

Ahthankyew

Old and smelly

Oh boy

59

59 years old today and I feel it, I really do...fat, old, in pain and grumpy, but happy when Im around Jirawan.

Last year of middle age, then old age... I'm genuinly starting to look forward to retirement, But stil 8 years away, maybe 11.  I want to find a nice place somewhere with no bills and no stress and just sit on a veranda sipping on rum then coding in the evenings before watching movies with J and snuggling up.

So much for conquering the world.....age sucks.

Ahthankyew

Ding Dong merrily on...

December already, getting chilly outside, and dark, quite a contrast to how we started November in Thailand.

Still need to sort out visa for Jirawan to travel so we can go see/meet mum, who's not been in the best of health recently...going to try to sort that next week, there's a chap in town who specialises in visa's since our efforts to date have been stumped by delays and stupidity.

Nothing major to report, healthwise Im still having issues with the diverticulosus but learning to live with it, thanks to loperamide :D. Also a spot of foot pain which troubled me in Thailand and isn't really getting better despite buying some insoles designed to help with planter fasciatus (sp) but seems I can go to a physio and have a masochist make me scream to help it heal..... can't wait.

Roll on Christmas, even if I cant get Jirawan over, I'll pop over to blighty to see mum and the weans. I'll start making plans.

Ahthankyew

Honey mooooon

Yes, I am on honeymoon, with my wonderful wife, of 2 years... we were not able to get away during the whole covid thing so we took the chance to extend my autumn holiday and spend some time in Thailand 

In part to spend time together but also for her to catch up with friends and family and show me off as the eye candy I am...stop sniggering....By Thai standards, Im quite a catch.  And boy has she been catching up with her friends, she's missed them and they missed her. Its good that she wants to show me off to friends.. I plan to do the same when I finally get the chance to take her to the UK,  uk visa's not withstanding...

Thailand is wonderufl, just wonderful, its so varied and different in the north and south, and Bangkok is crazy, but for sure this is a place we will probably find ourselves living out our old age. Time to start making plans about where, what and how we retire. Its a country of contrast, modern in parts, rural and  backward in others  but very very wonderful.

So many new things to do and try while here, but I have resited eating insects.

The only thing I don't plan to do again ever, is ride a scooter in a city traffic system... I have never been scared on a bike before,...this was the 1st and last time I ever try that..

Anyway.. one more day, we'll spend being tourists in Bangkok and doing a bit of shopping, my collegues at work have been good to cover for me while I've been sunning myself here, so I need to find incredibly cheap but meaningful gifts for them :D

Ahthankyew

when ineptitude becomes normal, you get uk.gov

I have to say, 2 times now we've tried to work with the UK visa system to get a visa for Jirawan to come with me to the UK, 1st time we had to cancel due to delays, this time we had to cancel....due to even longer delays...

Its absurd, that they charge a small fortune for a visa, don't make the process even remotely easy, insist on making you drive to Amsterdam to use some cheap shoddy service company who charge you 15 euros to drop an A4 sheet into a 1 second scanner, per sheet mind you..And then insist that you have no right to a prompt service... not that 3 weeks is prompt.

While you wait you have to surrender your passport, which means no travel... normally not a big issue after all we are not the jetsetters we plan to be when we retire, but we do have a trip planned for the end of this month which needs a passport, so you'd think applying in June would have the whole thing sorted.

Nope, no appointments available till August, then wait for the UK dept to process the visa, which after 8, almost 9 weeks was still no closer to being done.. Then a flurry of standard reply emails (which you have to pay to open a dialogue), and every response of, no thats not what I asked, gets a the same standard cut and paste... ffs

We eventually had to request they cancel it, via the same standard cut and paste replies, which eventually had 1 line added that said, they were processing our cancellation..

And the next day, our passport is waiting for us in Amsterdam, in that same shabby service centre... So we have to drive up there this moring, hoping that maybe, just maybe rather than a cancellation, it was in fact the visa... but no.. no visa, no refusal of a visa, just the passport, returned as asked... so they can do some things quick

We're pissed as fuck about this shambolic system.. Ignoring the very clear fact that a spouse should be able to travel freely with their british partner to the UK, that passport sat in a pile for 8 weeks at least. The dept can't provide the service its that simple, they don't even say until you submit how long the delay is likely to be, its supposed to take 3 weeks, but maybe 5, worst case 8... but you only hear once you've submitted it might be 12... we couldn't wait 12, we had to get our passport back so we can travel in 2 weeks...

hundreds of euro's tossed into the wind for nothing, and an unrepentant uk.gov apologising for the "frustrating:" delay but please wait.

tossers, utter utter tossers. Thai's welcome british passport holders into their country, I don't need a visa to go visit Jirawans family, but the UK will drown us in red tape and delays rather than let my wife in to meet my family... I'm seething.

Ahthankyew

So that was a good thing then?

I had 4 polyps removed during my colonosopy, and it turns out 2 of them were the nasty pre-cancer types... so... yeah... good... 

Had I not had this test caused by my unwelcome attack of divericulitis, I would have been quite unlikely to have gone for a colonoscopy and within a few years would be dead.

Basically...dead .

So.. yeah... funny eh! The nasty attack of constipation that caused me to go to hozzie basically saved my life.

I have to go back for checks every 5 years to snip any new ones, but thats fine, I will be happy to do that.

phew

Ahthankyew

97kg even more shit

My final weight before the procedure was 97Kg, after a long long night of running to the loo every 30-45 mins I basically emptied out totally.

The procedure was fine, I felt nothing at all, I slept through it mostly, but they did remove 4 polyps, which is a good thing as it will prevent future cancers forming.. However they warned me there might be a little blood and pain when the painkillers wore off.

The wore off.... they lied... it wasn't a little, it was quite severe, but hey ho, its only for a few days.

I have a phone appointment booked on the 26th to discuss the results and move on to managment of my diverticulosos...which will mostly revolved around continuing to lose some of that weight which I hastily put back on with a massive steak and tatties when I'd got home and snoozed for a bit.

Ahthankyew

98.4kg, I was so full of shit!

4 days of fasting, (only 3 bowls of soup) and now on the meds to shit for the UK in the world diarrhea champiopnships, before tomorrows camera up the bum fun.

Its not fat of course, its litterlly my bowels emptying out, so as soon as I start eating again this will slide back up, but I'll try to maintain a lower intake to keep the drop going.

Even so, being under 100kg for the 1st time in several years is a nice boost to the confidence..Though I do feel a bit wrecked from the meds waking me up at 7am for a Jackson Pollock event.

I'm dreaming of sausage and mash though, soon as I'm able.

Ahthankyew

And the Fast continues

Im hungry

thats what happens when you fast...

And also you lose weight, but I'm not even remotely convinced I've lost any body mass yet, just emptying out my bowls, but thats enoiugh for 2 kilos.

Hovering on the 100.2 mark this morning, probably going to break it tomorrow.

Ahthankyew

The Fast begins

I have my colonoscopy on Monday, so have had to switch to a strict low fibre/content diet ending with liquid only on Sunday.

That'll drop me under 100 fucking kilos.... bahhh

Anyway no biggie, just got to stop eating now, drink water when hungry and flush my system clean so the nice doctors can give me some happy meds before sticking cameras up my ass....

At least I hope they are happy meds....

Ahthankyew

hang on... still not under 100?

No, despite being mega careful with my intake and trying my best to excercise more (I walked all over Paris for 4 days... to the point of wearing out my comfy shoes)
Im still over 100kg... hmm ok well, we're home from our holidays and that means I can reduce my use of immodium which might be the cause, after all if it goes in and its not going out... it has to add something.

The immodium is needed due to the diverticulosis, it basically gives me 2 minute warnings of go to the toilet NOW, which isn't terribly practical when you're out and about, so immodium offers a degree of control.. With a downside that you ermm fill up, and it can take a few days to empty out.

The colonoscopy is set for the 19th Sept... and I'll have to starve myself for a few days before that, so for sure the weight will drop, and whatever is stuck inside will almost certainly find its way out when I have to take the nuclear waste clear out juice before hand.

Anyway... was a nice trip to France, what may turn out to be our last gig with Rose as she's now confirmed her intention to move to France with her SO and start a new life there raising dairy cattle and running a music holiday operation.. We wish her all the best, but also we're sad that the 1st iteration of FBR has come to an end... just as we were getting good at it :D

We'll try to arrange one final farewell gig soon, and also start looking for a new singer... no easy task I have to say, FBR isn't just a singer and 2 guitar players, its 3 friends enjoying what we do.. it will take time to find that connection again, but we will try.

hmm I feel an urgent need coming on... will catch up later if I survive.

Ahthankyew

100kg.....almost

Before I got sick, I was 105.xx kg (can't remember exactly, probably .2 or .3 ) but while in hospital on the starvation for 3 days diet, I lost a couple of solid kilos.

Since then I've been much more careful with my food and drink intake and weight has  continued to fall. 100-200g a day,  today its 100.9. ....ok ok still bascially 101 but I havn't actually had a poo yet which is when I usualy weight myself so Im taking it.

The next few days will see me break the 100kg mark and keep going..  Target weight is anything below 80, ideally 70, in spite of the flabby outer carcass Im a fairly skinny bloke really so getting down to my 29inch waist  65kg of my youth, would be great but I think unrealistic at my age. 

Anyway, still waiting for the colonoscapy and there's still a lot of shall we say, looseness in my bowels that the extra fibre isn't totally fixing, but no sign of any pain of other tell tale sings of a flare up. Just have to keep a careful watch on what goes in and out.

Also making a bit, just a bit more effort to excercise, slowing increasing my walking and use of stairs (though the 3 floor climb to my office is on hold for 5 weeks)
And the bike is coming out of the shed so I can cycle a bit more.

Summer is going to see a big drop off in the lardiness..

edit.,... actually I just checked my old youthful 8-9 stone was only around 55 kg...I was almost anorexic... not going to get that extreme, sitting between 70 and 80 will do, even though for my height 67 is considered normal... a little bit of pudding is ok...its the extra lard and icing on top I have at the moment that needs to go.

Ahthankyew

Uncle Max RIP

Sad to hear yesterday that my uncle Max passed away. He and Ann, my mothers sister, were the cool auntie and uncle when I was growing up. I used to vist them often in their apartment in Livingston, on the way or coming back from visiting my first real girlfriend  when I was 16, who lived near them.

There's a picture my mum has of my parents and 2 brothers, its probably the last picture we ever took of all of us as a family, when I was around 13. It was taken at Ann and Max's wedding. 45 years ago. Thats pretty amazing. They were a loving and fun couple and I always enjoyed spending time with them and their pets.

I remember one time I didn't have enough bus fare to get home from my g/f 's and Max had offered, perhaps jokingly to let me borrow his bike to get home. I happily took up this offer and cycled the 15 miles or so from Livingston to Fauldhouse. I took me hours. When I brought the bike back some days later, Max was confused why it took me so long to cover such a short distance (in his view)... I had done the whole journey in 1st gear.. I learned about cycle gears that day :D Max found it hysterical.

Like many of my relatives I lost touch with them when I left Scotland, and they in turn made a decision to start a new life in Canada so we never really reconnected.  I know they made a good life for themselves and enjoyed their time becoming commited Canadians.

I'll raise a glass to happy memories of Max, and sending my condolances to Ann. 

RIP uncle Max.

Ahthankyew

1 more day, well morning

just tomorrow morning to survive then we're on holiday, can't wait

Things are still a bit up in the air, not sure about J's visa yet, trying to get docs together still... but we'll find things to do..

mostly looking forward to long long lie ins.

Ahthankyew

Am oot

sorry should have updated, sooner.  They let me out on Day 5 when it was clear I was feeling a lot better and could self medicae with paracetamol and laxatives at home.

I need to follow up some outpatient tests and also do some lifestyle changes...losing weight..arrghh and eat more bran, and smaller more frequent meals with some pro biotics

Thing is this can happen again at any time...regardless of changes... so...fuck

I have a condition, its managable but it won't go away.

getting old sucks

Ahthankyew

On the mend or dead

day 5, still in hospital and since not much happens in hospital on Sundays it might be tomorrow before they decide if I can go home, or if they want to do a dreaded colonoscopy before letting me out.

Either way I am feeling a lot better, the pain has greatly subsided and I am more myself again. 
Since the danger of the infection causing any significant damage has passed, I'm pretty sure I'll be home again soon with some quite important changes to my lifestyle and diet and a few outpatient visits.

This may be a recurring thing, if I don't take better care of myself, diverticules don't just dissappear after an infection and can get reinfected for all kinds of reasons, but being obese and not having a sensible regular diet are issues. 

I eat very well and good fresh food, thanks to Jirawan, but I eat far too much and need to regulate intake and increase my fibre and start taking more probiotics to avoid future issues. I also have to cut back a bit on my rum tipples...oh well, once a week is ok.

There may also be a few trigger foods we need to check and cut them out. But I think more than all my other complaints about having to diet, this incident is the one that will kick me into it. I NEVER want to experience pain like that again and if losing weight and exercise is going to prevent it I have my motivation.

oh well, bored now, want to go home, but have to just look out the window at a very cold and rainy Breda which has had  a heatwave for the last few days while I was stuck here in my air conditioned room with Jirawan staying to keep me company.. There are worse ways to spend time with the one you love.

Ahthankyew

Normal service has been disrupted

Im in hospital....I had some issues over the weekend where my bowels basically shut down, and by Monday I was in some degree of discomfort, and by Tuesday I wasn't farting with confidence, in fact I wasn't farting at all,...0 flatulance, life and games can't exist without flatulance.

Anyway, comedy aside I had some issues resulting in some astonishing levels of discomfort and pain and after a strong telling off from Jirawan I called the doctor who made a same day appointment, and said exactly the same as Jirawan when examining me... Not normal... My bowels that is, the rest of me is prime.

She sent me directly to hospital, not passing go,  where they did some more tests and it was decided to keep me in.

This is all a bit worrying and considering the number of surgeons who were poking and proding me it was clear they were prepping for something, but after a CT scan it was decided that there's no cancer/tumours or signs of obstruction which would need emergency surgery. 

There's an infection in my bowls almost certainly caused by diverticulitis, an unpleasent complaint which in itself isn't life threatening but can have knock on implications.

So they are keeping me in for a few days to monitor the infection, and make sure it does not get worse which might mean surgical intervention, also to do a few more tests to check things that are not obvious on scans. A colonsopy is on the cards soon...that will be fun.

Im ok in myself, yesterday was rough getting prodded and stabbed and having things down my trhoat and up my ass, but the pain levels have dropped due to IV painkillers (surprisingly only paracetamol but effective) but they won't feed me in case surgery is needed. I didn't sleep well with various iv alarms going off like a snooze button so am tired, but in much less pain.
So if nothing else Im going to lose a few Kilos while here, which isn't a bad thing.

Ahthankyew

Such fun

The Shadow is such a fun bike, but also a bit tricky, I am having to relearn a lot things compared to my old style on short wheelbase sports bikes., It has no great acceleration but you do need to watch out for the heavy front wheel falling into a lock at static/slow speeds. Im not too sure how nippy it can take off at a junction either, since I''m still mastering the smooth take off.

But for sure its fun, noisy, slow, wallowing around... but great to jump on with Jirawan on the back and head off into the countryside for an hour. Our new intercom working well too which is a bonus, but it does need to be turned up a bit at 100kph,

Thats the fastest we've been so far on the motorway for a short time to try out the 4th gear, it seemed to work :D

But as much as this is great fun, it again confirms my view this is not an everyday bike  and needs to be kept for trips and fun times.. I'll  keep using the little shared electric scooters for short hop commutes around town.

Ahthankyew

A Chapter closed

8 years of work... not always enjoyable... actually seldom enjoyable, it was hard... and often would grind to long and protracted halts as bugs/memory/hardware issues prevented progress and I would stop to think about it, or stop to avoid thinking about it.. It was a nightmare job, which I was only able to spend a few hours per month on for a long time. Thanks however to a very, patient and understanding publisher, and eventuially to a very talanted and supportive retro coder who stepped in to clear a path to the end, we pushed this over the line a few months ago and now its out in the wild. Only 150 copies will ever be sold, and they will be much prized for their rarity as well as the blood, sweat  and bruised keyboard bashing knuckles that went into it.

Thanks to Jan and Allard, and my apologies again for so so many delays... it was just so much work, and so crazy to try to convert such a big game onto such a really limited system.  

But here it is... my 1st, and without a shadow of a doubt my last, retro hardware project.

Ahthankyew

Dreams can come true

I rode bikes, motorbikes that is, since I was 16, starting with a Yamaha FS1e-dx (50cc's of raw unrestricted powaaaah and a top speed, downhill with a tailwind around 45mph) then a range of 125's to fit in with the legal learner limits at the time, before passing my test and moving on to big old tractors like Trumph Tridents which were fantastic fun and could pull 130mph if you wanted, I had a few of those. I was never into speed though, The odd moment of madness on a CBR1100 not withstanding I liked the flexibility and ease of access of bikes, not the whole need for speed culture.

But I stopped riding about 15 years ago, when I gave away my last Triumph to a friend of my ex's.. It had been sat in the front yard for a year and I was feeling guilty about it being unloved and siezing up.

I have since been a steady car driving man, and after a love affair with a Mercedes CLK I couldn't afford, I finally bought a tiny Kia Picanto, 1ltr 3cyl  town car.. and I love it. Its such a nice wee car, gets me around all over the place here in NL, and even when I had to do the odd long trip to France or  Germany it did its job well.. I will keep it till it falls apart. 

But recently my university stopped giving us access to free parking on site, making the short, but at my age, needed, car trip to the office a bit of a chore when there was no space on the road to park.. So I was thinking about getting another bike...maybe an ebike...but why only get a bike to go to work (and yes I do cycle sometimes). It might be nice to tour around NL and its neighbours on a bike?

But one thing I have always hankered over was having a particular type of bike, a Honda VT1100c mk2 Shadow... Not the Ace, Mk3, 4 or the many other later versions, the Mk2 it is just the nicest looking bike I ever saw.

I saw one on the cover of a biking magazine years ago, and fell in love with its good looks and gushing reviews for its reliability and comfort,  and wanted one so bad. But they were so hard to find in the UK, since they never went on sale there, all versions around were US imports, and quite rare, and pricey.

The one time I managed to  find one was in a bike shop in Dewsbury. I was riding a Japanese import XJ400 at the time, a nice solid commuter bike with a bit of flair. And I wanted to PX if for the shiny chrome beast in the shop. But they din't want my XJ and only offered me a tiny amount for it, so I had to raise more cash...by the time I did, the Shadow was gone... and I moved on to an XJ600 and a couple of Honda's, then my love affair with Triumphs..

But I kept my eye's peeled for another Shadow... Nothing ever came up when I had the funds...

By the time I moved to NL, the bikes were a thing of the past, but I did notice a certain love affair here for cruisers, the catagory of bike the Shadow falls into, lots of Harleys and Suzy Invaders... and.... more than a few Shadows, all marks.. But certainly a fair number of Mk2's  which would pop up on facebook or Marktplats from time to time. Even more amazing,  these are almost all old man summer cruiser bikes stored in the Winter and only brought out a few times a year to ...well, cruise around.. They are almost all well preserved and looked after despite being made 25-30 years ago with super low milage and regular servicing. And....cheap...ish..

Finances never quite synced to the point where I could afford one though when they came up.. until now.

My local bike shop put one up for sale...I asked Jirawan what she thought...like a good hubby, and....she said... yes if you want it you should get it. <speechless>

So... test ride to make sure she's all good, a small issue with a split on the seat they are going to repair and in a couple of weeks when the seat returns from the upholstary place..this is going to sit outside.. and maybe get wrapped in cotton wool in the winter.

 

A 1988 VT1100C M2 in not quite mint, but very very good condition, with around 22.5K miles on the clock... Pulls like a tractor, drives as though you are sitting in an armchair with a go faster button.  

And we bought it. 

Dreams can come true.

But only when you have the best wife in the whole goddam world.

Ahthankyew

No good deed goes unpunished

Its taken me a very very long time to realise this... But, being nice to people, helpful, understanding, caring.....very often does not produce the same in return. Actually, thinking hard about my life, with few exceptions, it never produces the same in return.

People with agenda's are never going to change their agenda because you are nice to them. In fact your niceness may indeed push them off their agenda, or be seen to harm their agenda and then they turn on you.

Its deeply upsetting to see people you are trying to help lash out and attack you with utterly absurd comments or actions. (yes we're talking a very very few students).

Its almost part of the job these days which is upsetting. Times are changing and now we have to be careful not to hurt peoples feelings which in turn removes or at least narrows the range of criticism you can give to people.. Nothing  resonates more loudly than a failing student, who hasn't actually done any work, complaining that the work is confusing or too hard, or... they just don't feel they can handle it???...Its as if they somehow decided  that complaning is even more effective than doing.

Get a fucking grip.

Its not, it never will be, doing the work, well, is how you progress in life. Listening to teachers telling you  you're not doing well isn't an insult you need to get butt hurt about, its advice to try harder, or in some cases, reconsider... An honest teacher caring that you don't go down a path of clear failure should be something to respect...It isn't it really isn't, and thats very sad..

In the last couple of years, I've had incidents where such advice has resulted in massive and very public melt downs from "vicitmised", students, complaining of "toxic" behavious and poor education. Now victimised means, asking where's the work more than once a week, and toxic means, if you don't stop doing that, I'll have to remove you from the group..... wow... wait till they get to the real world eh!

Only a couple, I must state clearly, out of hundreds, but it only takes 1 or 2 to throw chum in the water to have the sharks circling. The adage there is no smoke without fire, isn't helped by the fact that Im well known as a grumpy old man... but also a cuddly fat bear.... you get to choose which, simply by trying to do your best.

I remind you dear reader... we are currently ranked amongst the very best schools in the world at what we do...so... clearly we're doing it wrong becuase students who don't want to follow the course we set up, feel a need to vent and have their clearly well thought out professional and seasoned opinions heard and immediately acted on....immediately... or else.

I need to re-evaluate how I deal with students now,  even though this is a tiny tiny minority of students who get this agitated, its a noisy group who like to be heard.. Of course these complaints have been dismissed they have no merit whatsoever, quite rightly, but even so, the sense of sadness I feel that this is what teaching is bcoming. Student relationships are becoming a minefield of hurt feelings and excuses for not working rather than the driven success it used to be. 

In part this is due to covid, the lockdown changed a lot of things... so mabye it will be better in a year or so, but also... have to say, some if it is due to students just not being as driven as they were...there's a serious change in the students now, compared to 10, even 5 years ago..  

I'll have to detatch my personal feelings and hopes in students a bit more.. 

Basically no more Mr Nice guy from now on, Im not interested in having my care and attention in their progress thrown back at me.

Retirment is now starting to look all the sweeter... but still 10-12 years away... but happy to start planning.

I better point out, for the sake of any legal issues (even having to say this makes me angry) that these opinions are my own....as is everything I ever post on this blog... Its just stuff for my family to read.

Ahthankyew

question

What happens when you go to an event with thousands of people wansdering around wearing masks but eat lunch with hundreds around not wearing masks.

You get Covid.... 

A nice pressie I discovered on my return to NL, despite several tests while there, my test when I got home was positive as was the follow up 2 days later....

Im ...ok...kinda, got some symptoms, cough for sure, headache and raspy chest with slight breathlessness, about the same level as a bad cold.. But the worst part is how utterly exhausted I am. Going upstairs requires planning what step I should make camp on to recover....well, ok a slight exageration, but I do totally run out of steam quickly then have to snooze for a bit and its very hard to keep my focus on one..oh a butterfly.

Its a good job I had my jabs, it was almost inevitable that I'd catch it sometime, and if this is mild, I'd hate to get the full version.

Should be ok in a few more days.

Ahthankyew

edit 4/4/22 recovered and tested negative... am now bulletproof for about 6 month

Sad Francisco

Im at GDC and the show itself is cool, meeting some old faces, and some new, and learning a few new things at some of the sessions. 

But

I have a stinking cold thats wearing me down...just a cold, did 2 covid tests just in case  both neg.. So taking some grade A usa cold meds, which kinda help but Im a snot fountain with a cough and regular sneezing which in these covid times freaks the fuck out of people lol

And another thing, this place...jeez this place, so many homeless, sleeping/ pissing in doorways, shouting at the world at every corner, so much incredible poverty in a place were a burger costs $30,  which even shocked the out of town American ahead of the queue I was in at Carls Jr. Is it made of gold he asked... but he paid... I didn't, I found a much cheaper BK and had a very nice burger for half that...

The contrast of seeing someone sleeping rough in front of a Rolex superstore is insane... and thats everywhere in this high end financial district.

Anyway, missing Jirawan, wish she was here, but also I'm glad she can't see this. Looking forward to getting hack to her soon.

Ahthankyew

wow, am I slipping?

Kinda, sorry mum, been mega busy with my project, also work, this is an intensive block for me personally, and getting it up and running was hard work.

And just generally having fun.. doing.... this... My Pi game... its still got weeks, maybe a few months left to do but I am seeing a light at the end of it

Ahthankyew

Happy its not 2021 anymore

It was quite a year wasn't it, I don't think there was a lot to salvage from it, but Jirawan and I enjoyed the time together, I hope in 2022 I can finally take her out for a nice meal in Breda....once this lockdown ends.

But be positive Brian.... Happy New Year mum, hope its going to be good, we'll try to get over to you as soon as we can but too many restrictions at the moment.

So...2022...ok resolutions......hmmm I've done that before, but of course my weight is out of control, 103kg now... there's a downside to being married to a good cook... But ok going to try and drop 23kg and get down to 80....who knows.

My Raspberry project is coming to an end..well its starting to come to an end, aiming for Feb/March its been great to work on. Also the long long horror of the colecovision project might be finally getting resolved, Another z80 enthusiast has stepped in to help push it through as I failed to overcome  the near total codeblock I had on doing assembly, I even managed to write a few lines last night, that did...nothing, but at least I felt I did something. I hope it gets done this month and I can learn from it.. the block is very real, and most upsetting. I hoped that the Raspberry project would pull me through but its a quite different psychological impact, I just can't think in z80 any more....so sooner its done and out the sooner I can bury any efforts to do any more assembly.

Time to do some home shopping too, we need a new couch, and a new bed, and at some point new bathroom and kitchen. Finances will get a bit better in June once an ill advised loan is paid off, and I think we'll use that income to fund the kitchen, Jirawan will enjoy a kitchen with a bit more space and a proper oven. Sadly no gas though, as its being phased out in NL.. strange to think that electicity is cheaper... oh well, its a summer/autumn project.

I got another week off before we start work again, online for the rest of the block sadly but hopefully we get back to normal soon. The government says 14th Jan...fingers crossed...but...cases of Covid are still high....we'll see.. I'm planning a massive curry night to celebrate end of lockdown...hope we can do it, I'll start the cooking soon and freeze the curries.

Right, off to do some coding, a bit of Z80 if I can manage it....tots ziens.

Ahthankyew

ooh fancy that

I lost a few teeth last year due to the bone necrosis I have from my radiotherapy 10 years ago... Its ok I was warned... One of my teeth, my right lower canine, I actually pulled out myself, they just lost all the bone to support them, I lost 4 in total, no biggie... got some nice new falsies now.

The last few days though I was having some odd issues with a sore at the extraction site of that canine.. it seemed to be a scab on the gum, which was odd because it was hard, scabs in the mouth tend to go mushy..

But no this was a scratchy one and when I tried to pick at it or whatever it just bled and seemed to go, then come back a few hours later.

With almost superhuman effort I avoided messing with it for a few days to see if it would heal.. it didn't but it did get a little bigger.

So much so that I was going to call the dentist to make an urgent appontment, but I tried one last time to pick it off... with my guitar nails... and out it popped.. It was the remains of a tiny fragment of tooth that must have been left behind when I pulled it, just the tip but tooth for sure.

My body must have pushed it up to the exit point... remarkable, I didn't know that was even a thing.. 

This actually explains why my gums had an unexplained infection earlier this year when I was being fitted for my falsies, had to go on AB's to fix it, but there was no clear reason for the infection... Almost certainly it was my body telling this tooth fragment to do one.

Anyway, its out, the site will heal again and no need for emergency dentist, I'll let her know about it next checkup.

 

Ahthankyew

oops, at least no one died

There were a few storms the last couple of days... and guess what, the solar panels blew over and one landed up in our upstairs balcony.

eeekk they could have gone flying...

They seem to still be intact, but the frame they were on is bent all out of shape, so I need to build a new one... which is not something I really want to do in winter, so I think it best I get both panels cleaned up and stored until the spring...

not going to make much money from them in winter anyway..

Ahthankyew

Update Brian, update

Im sorry, its not that I don't care :D just not had a lot to say about things. Loving my life at the moment (careful thats a sure way to tempt bad things to happen),  and been busy doing cool things with my mad Raspberry Project which is where most of my online attention has been. 

Happy to also say FBR are starting to gig again as things pick up and return to normality (again a sure way to tempt bad things) which means a lot of new songs and rehearsals, so life is full and very very happy. 

We had a nice little break in Gran Canaria last month, well I say nice, it wasn't quite the break we had planned, I thought I had booked an all inclusive stay in a mid priced hotel.. Instead it was a lodgings only bungalow park, with some serious lack of hot water for showers. But thats my fault for not checking the Tui search properly. I'll know better next time, but if I tick the allinc button I expect and allinc result. We still had such a good time,eating out and exploring.. but damn those cold showers.

It was a lovely holiday though, a great week away with J and we enjoyed it so much. Despite her have a small bout of self induced food poisioning before we left(next time she'll belive me when I say horse chesnuts are not edible)  which kept us in the bungalow for a few days till she felt better. We hired a car and drove all over having fun and exploring.

Its the last few days of Block A, and though the overall skill level of this years intake was quite low at the start I'm happy to say they have picked up the pace for the most part and improved considerably. Its good to see that when students make progress. Last year was much more frustrating, party due to the Covid working from home situation I suspect.

Speaking of Covid, the numbers here are on the rise again leading to a re-introduction of some restrictions, but no lock down as yet.. fingers crossed.

Ok, back to work, the dreaded grading next week :(

Ahthankyew

Been busy.

Wow its been a busy month, all sorts of things stealing time, but finally things are settling down at work, and next week no more covid restrictions (for a while at least).

There's no big events to really talk about, work has been the prime issue, life is still good.. and we need a holiday again :D

Ahthankyew

where did it go

Well that was a lovely long break, nice holiday, lots of sleeping and relaxing, no stress. Lots of laughs and settling into life we want when we retire.

Weather in NL could have been a lot better though, was hoping to have an end of holiday BBQ but its rained pretty much every weekend. We'll see what we can do in Sept.

And now the holidays are over... time to get my shit collected up again and make ready for a new year... and hopefully an end to the work from home routine, at least for a few days. I have enjoyed working from home, but do miss the interaction with staff and students. So we're going back to the office with my 2 jabs in place. Pretty sure at some point I'll catch the lurgy, but my chances of dying are a lot less.

Getting my coding head back on now, been tinkering a bit with some Rpi stuff which is immense fun, but also now have to focus on finishing things and getting ready for a nice new batch of bright young things.

I hope we don't get the same levels of disconnection and entitlement as we did last year, the situation of online and small echo chambers created some very bad situations that I really want to avoid this year.

Well we'll see, got a new bike to cycle to and from work, if its not pissing down, and if I can keep on top of things better from the office we should have a good fun year.

Looking forward to more gigs and both bands being up and running again soon. Starrcase has had to go into mothballs due to the lockdown but we're creeping out slowly this month to rehearse for one of our own's wedding, and then hopefully back to doing school gigs.

FBR is starting to pick up gigs as well, we maintained a modest level of rehearsal in lockdown, but we need to get gig ready again soon.

Onward with the new academic year,... lets see if I'm in despair in 2 weeks time

Ahthankyew

home is where the mosquitos don't bite

we're home, it was a great holiday but there's no denying the mosquitos used me as an all you can eat buffet, I have terrible bites all over.

The holiday was great though we did a lot of cruises and site seeing, had several lazy days and lots of drinking an lie ins...

was great.... need a holiday to get over it.

Its a bit surreal to wake up and witness a greek sunrise over the mountains and return home to a chilly 26degs with no mountains.

Ahthankyew

I need a holiday

I need a holiday after the effort of planning this one.

jeez everything, and I mean everthing that could go wrong has gone wrong, all thats left is that I'll leave my passport at home when I set off.

We need to go for a 2nd covid test in 30 mins becuase I didn't think to change the time of the PCR test I booked the day before travel for the old cancelled holiday to Cyprus,... I didn't take into account that the new flight  to Greece is 12 hours ealier, so there's strong chance our PCR test won't be completed before we get to the airport... it is a 24 hour test, and we only have 14 hours from the time we took it... too close a margin, had me frantically searching for fast tests.

But at least Greece accepts rapid tests so we're heading off shortly, and will have the results in 4 hours so just in time for tomorrows travel

I just don't deal with this kind of stress well....need this holiday.... yet somehow can't help thinking that its going to go wrong.....somehow.

Ahthankyew

my 5g is broken

2nd jab, no major side effects, a sore arm for a couple of days a bit worse than first time but otherwise good,.

Neither of us have expereinced any fever or illness and we're good to go, building up our resistance as we prepare for a nice holiday break

We were booked to go to Cyprus but it was cancelled when they went to corona orange status.

so now we go to Corfu... it'll be nice.

or else.

Ahthankyew

Hey fatty bum bum

its been no secret to anyone that reads this, that I've been aware of my weight issues for a while, and made some effort to get things under control, but...not with the seriousness and commitment it needed.

then I saw this video of an impromptu acoustic set at a Whetstone reunion.

It has shocked me... seriously, that big blue beach ball is me.... thats absurd... really.. Most of my life I have been a skinny short arse, now I'm a major fat lardy ball...and still short.
I start at 102.3kg.... and thats 30kg too much, put that into perspective I'm 30% overweight and thats going to do some harm to my heart or give me diabeties. Its certainly going to shorten my life.

I can joke all I want about Jirawans food being too tempting but its me that keeps shoving it in my cakehole.

I've posted this video on my facebook and pinned it to the top, it stays there till I lose that 30kg. It might take a year, but I can't ever let myself look like that, its just painful.

Dramatic cutback in food, more excercise and when I get a bit more in shape I'll do the gym thing. 

Can't stand looking at this video, even though we were having so much fun on the night, that fat bastard is me...and I just don't think I'll be around much longer if I don't sort it.

Ahthankyew

time for a rant

Not had one of these for a while have I? Did you miss them?

This time its social media... Facebook/Twitter./Linked-in etc

All sites I use regular;y and often, both for information and pleasure... I like being on there, it gives me a way to connect with people I have made connections with from all over the world.

Which if that was all it did I'd be perfectly happy. But I also have to endure the endless streams of fake/spam ads, and more worringly the misguided and sometimes fucking outright stupid opinions of others. Ok so opinions I can cope with...but some opinions need to be called out, or shut down.

Yes this is an anti-vax/anti science rant... And more importantly its about social media doing absolutely fuck all to stop them... not a damn thing, if you actually take the time to report something, their security teams (ie a bot) refuses to remove the post/profile despite even the most cursory glance showing it to be nonsense, often dangerous nonsense often with links to even more dangerous nonsense and...content they themselves (social media that is) claim they are not allowing.....

They are quite happy to give out warnings to people who post jokes about the crazy dutch collegues I work with.. because "crazy" means hate speech, even in a joke, but unwilling to remove a clear ad for sexual content, or misinformation that claims thousands are dying from covid 19 vaccinations with a link to an ultra right bs website.

They simply don't give a shit do they... and its time they did..they promised they would, they even were threatened by different government agencies... but all they have done is key word bot searches and ignore humans pointing out...ermm this friend request is from someong selling a porn site......oh its ok, its not against our rules (yes it totally is), thanks for helping us keep <insert social media here> safe..


twats, the lot of them.

Ahthankyew

oww but thats all

worth a follow up considering all the misinfromation around, which is absurd.

Only 2 side effects both of us had sore arms for a couple of days, and the day after I was pretty tired, not sick levels of go to bed tired, but both of us needed to take it easy but we were not in any way debilitated.

2 days later, soreness is pretty much gone for J, a litte bit for me and am my usual, need coffee then get started.

Roll on dose 2.

Ahthankyew

Pfizer membership confirmed

So at different times and locations, we both got our jabs yesterday, and we're excited to be on the road to some levels of normal. No major side effects, though our arms are a bit sore, that will pass though.

going to start planning our holiday, not quite sure where but we're certainly going to fly to osome scorching sun.

Ahthankyew

Jabs delayed

We're not quite sure what happened, but Jirawans appointment didn't go through, I guess there was a confirm/accept button on the booking site that was missed. We waited for the email and sms confirmations all weekend, and nothing came, so we had to check the site again to see our schedule and it was not there.

so I screwed up somewhere..

But its ok, Jirawan is far more resourceful than I am and she called up to get her a booking on the same day as me, the 9th, and its set, not at the same time and place as mine but sorted all the same.. we should therefore be free to travel during our summer break as we hoped.

fingers crossed.

Ahthankyew

Jabs ahoy..

Even though techically I was first in line, I choose to have mine a little later due to not wanting to travel too far on a work day.. so mine is in Breda on june 9. Jirawan was able to book hers a week later, but they offered here jabs on the same day, but quite some distance away... Sadly I still have not mastered the art of being in 2 places at one time so I can drive her so we had to wait a few days to book a new appointment.

and she gets heres before me on June 1st, though it is at a location thats some distance from here, I can at least drive her there.
Our 2nd jabs are 1 month later

so... hopefully that means end of July/start August, we'll both be immune and able to travel a bit in time for the summer holidays. A trip to Thailand is still not really viable, they are still in lock down there big time.. and I'd be in quarantine even with my jabs, but we can find a 2 week getaway and squeeze in a trip to the uk I'm sure.


Better get the kettle on mum, we will be heading over.

Ahthankyew

Life is good...but

I am sorry to not be updating so often recently, even though blogs are kinda old fashioned now I do like maintaining this, even if mum has almsot upgraded to facebook :D

I'm still doing fine, happy, so fucking happy with life at the moment, even cracking a few smiles. Work is hard, at times, but at least I have work, personal projects go in rapid cycles of wow, to ..ermmm what now... but all in all I can't be happier.. bored with the lockdown, but still happier.

I have been reflecting a little bit, as I do at this time of year on my experience with cancer, it never quite escapes me, due to the fact I have visible and physical reminders of it. But its pretty remarkable that I got through it and have so much to look forward too. I've got a bit of a dodgy tooth that needs to be seen to, I always hate going to the dentist though, but....well if I hadn't that time........dum dum duuuuum.

Ok well this is getting a bit soppy... nothing much to see really, life is good, no sign of holidays being possible due to lockdown, but we're considering a campervan tour of europe...though like many things its looking more expensive and less allowable than we thought... maybe a cruise...maybe

Waiting for our jabs...any day now for me, but Jirawan may need to wait another month or so...

right back to facebook for more pics of cats.

Ahthankyew

grrrr

One of the most annoying things about linux is when you want to quickly run something on a machine you've not used for a while, and it kicks into update mode.

ask me later when its finished, how that feels.

Ahthankyew