Missing mum,

I miss mum every day, no doubt about it, but this Christmas particularly her presence was missed. 

She was never mad about Christmas, often saying she hated it (lol) it wasn't a big deal for us really but we always shared a message, even when we'd fallen out over something. Followed of course by her posting about how terrible the Christmas editions of the soaps were over Christmas. (she still watched them religiously)

Those little posts, those messages, those wishes for a happy new year... and of course my birthday which is close to Christmas.. It felt emptier this year.

I suspect it will always feel a little emptier, but in time you get used to it, I'm told.

Oh well, new year is coming, this will be a big one for Jirawan and I. Lets hope it has less downsides to it than 2024 did.

take care.

Ahthankyew

Bring it back?

Recently I had to do an update to my www.scratchpadgames.net site to stop them charging me 10euros a month to continue to support what they call an outdated PHP version.

So I did as requested, logged on to the providers site, selected update and it was done.. no more 10euros a month charges... but also, no more forums..which seemed to need that outdated PHP. which is a bit of a pain as the forums are how my book readers contact me with any issues they have. I can probably update the forums from the site content on the old PC.. but its not my main skill. I may have to junk it all and start again.

Now granted its been a while since anyone has had an issue, the book is a bit out of date now, so only a few die hards or people who left it on the shelf a couple of years, have tried to do anything with it. Also as I am working on an updated 2nd edition, the site itself is in dire need of an update.

But... the site was designed and maintained on my old warhorse PC which now lives a quiet sedentry life upstairs, seldom if ever being used.

But now I need it, and of course it really is old, and refuses to do some of its basics, like start... it does get there in about 30 mins, but its very slow..theres clearly some online update happening which upstairs has almost no internet speed.

So it needs to be refurbished while still somehow maintaining most of its software..

Though honestly since its not been actively used for 3 or 4 years, whatever software is on there is not needed or used any more on that system,  but there's some source code  and pics and so on I want to transfer

So I've bought a new GTX710 graphcis card, not exactly cutting edge, but more than it has currently and I have an unused 512GB ssd, to get windows 10 onto.. so once I rescue the website.. I will transplant some new life into the old girl and get her working again. The current drives can be used as long as it boots from teh SSD now.

If nothing else I'd like to use it for making videos and writing content... since there's room up there to keep reference books and I can go back to using my big, but, normal ratio screen that will make videos more useful. My Samsung widescreen is useless for making videos on as they stretch too much on YouTube.(Its great for coding though)

On the subject of YouTube, I've had an ok from our Creative media dept to help me make some nicely edited and shot videos to support the new book, and set up a moderatly technical teaching channel I want to continue with even when the book is been and gone. I can cover some of the topics, that students seem to find very hard in a bit more detail on a video, than I can in a class where they are falling asleep or busy watching music videso...yes Joeren, I'm talking about you...
I've made a few simple test videos myself, but meh, Im shit at this kind of content, so I'm going to get some of tomorow's pros, to help me. 

So this weekend, 1st weekend of the Xmas holidays I am working bloody hard to get upstairs into some level of organisation and ressurect an almost dead PC... wish me luck.

Ahthankyew

Feeling my age

61 on Tuesday, and no matter how many people tell me I don't look it, I feel it, I mean I really feel it. Things hurt, getting out of a chair too fast carries a risk, sitting down in a chair carries a risk...running to catch a train....no, just wait for the next one. Trips longer than an hour need to have toilet routes planned. I alternate between narcolepsy and insomnia. Its pretty horrible..

But Im still fairly sharp and bright, though I do worry a bit about forgetting things and names, I can no longer remember all my students names, which was always somehting of a party trick for me. 

I am stuck with this 16yo brain in a 61 year old body, and it sucks... 

And its fucking cold........I really want to be somewhere warm... soon... soon..

Ahthankyew

Heavy shit man

Well I hope its shit... cos that I can get rid off... back up to 98kg....damn

nope nope nope nope nope.... starve yourself Brian you fat fucker.. thats insane..

So, no booze, no lunch and a tiny evening meal. 

There's no way in hell Im creeping back over 100kg.. no chance.

Ahthankyew

Yo Yo Yo Yo

Can't quite get myself back in the fasting mindset again, so the weight is going up and down even though I am most certainly keeping way below the reccomended 2000-2600 calories a day, I find my weight isn't getting below 95ish...its bouncing between 95 and 97... yes still a lot less than earlier this year but the goal isn't reached.

grr.. I need to develop more resolve.. its upsetting that after losing 15kg I gain back 2 then 3 then 4 kg.. I really want to get down below 80 for all sorts of good reasons, mainly my health.

The reduction in weight, or more likely the reduction in food to process has a really good impact on my diverticulosis, and the issues it creates.. less food means less unexpected and unwanted emergency dashes to the loo. And a lot less painful discomfort. also... dude I'm, 61 next month, I need to shed a lot of this chubby good looking fat for my heart..

but.. hunger and rum... hard to overcome.. 

Ahthankyew

Back on Track..ish

So a few days back home, trying to get into the routine, not helped by Jirawan bringing some wonderful food home for me to eat..I've lapsed a few times. Its been a month of being careful but not being on the wagon and the weight creeps up.

But I'm back on the 1 meal, low cal, nothing after 8pm diet... and I will avoid booze and snacks....as best I can. I will however try to up my protein intake a bit more, to allow for my very light excercise to be effective and not lose muscle (hahahah as if ) mass.

Not quite sure what this start weight is, I didn't check this morning, but its around 95kg now... I'll take a clear reading tomorrow morning and see if we can get down below 70kg before the spring break.

The target is 70kg.... it will be achieved... even if I have to cut off a leg.

Ahthankyew

but I didn't eat that much? Did I?

Enough to bump myself back to 97kg

Wow, it doesn't take much. I've not exactly been gorging myself, on the small portions most Thai meals provide, but clearly getting 2 or 3 meals a day is not allowed.

But I did expect a blip on the break a kilo or 2 was expected not 4 or 5.... Normal starvation will now continue, try get get below 90 by the end of the month, and get as low as possible before Christmas...

New year we will take stock.

Ahthankyew

Home, but cold

We're home, bit of a nightmare trip, not so much the travel as the really annoying admin issues.. We had our passports and residency cards triple/quadrouple checked at departure, not sure why. And the flight was a long 12 hours where I barely dozed off... but getting back to Schipol was where it all really went wrong

Tired and cranky, the passport system is fucking broken here, it looked like 2 or 3 777's arrived from various places at the same time, so 1200-1500 people, not all dutch nationals.. descended on Passport control, who simply can't cope. Took us well over 1hr to filter down weaving queues and holds and stops and go that way, no, that way... to the 2.... repeat 2.... customs agents processing the non EU passports but in the EU (residents) line of 500+ people.. 

Shocking, just shocking... this is something they need to fix. Schipol is one of the busiest airports in the world, but they can't handle a decent sized plane landing from outside Europe.

And.... after finally getting through, they didn't post our luggage on the baggage list, the only Bangkok flight was on belt 15 but didn't match our flight number, and when I finally got through another queue at the service desk. was told it was at belt 20... which had no details of which flight it was... nice. Thankfully the luggage was there though so at least we didn't lose anything.

Took us nearly 2 hours in total to get out of the airport and on a train, which thankfully was easier going, though Jirawan was a bit annoyed with me for not switching seats at Rotterdam,  it turned out she wanted to face the direction of travel... and I didn't click she was annoyed at facing back....she's still a bit ticked off with me but she's as cranky today as I was yesterday, we just need to rest and recover.

But we got home, had some food and fluids and went to bed.

We got up early and its bloody cold here innit.

I LOVED my time in Chiang Mai, it wasn't a typical tourist trip, we spent most of our time at home, doing a bit of work, going about daily business, eating at a few outdoor places and 1 family meal with Jirawans son and gf, but it was so nice just to live a normal  Thai life for 3 weeks.

Hua hin didn't grab us, but we will probably escape there from time to time, maybe somewhere else we'll see...

Retirement there will be so nice, a few more trips to settle things and we will make that jump.. Can't wait.

Ahthankyew

Good for a visit, but.

I can't put my finger on it exactly, but Hua Hin didn't grab us.. Its nice, there's some very nice houses there and it most certainly is less busy than Chiang Mai but...it also seemed a little old and tired... Also something about the general age of the large ex pat community there didn't quite resonate with us... even though I freely admit that we're also in that age group. I saw way way too many very old men, 60,70 maybe even 80's with very young Thai partners.. I know thats not that unusual here, and we even see it here in Chiang Mai, but ...it was a lot.. and hmmm.

The Bars are insanely loud and the atmosphere wasn't as Thai as it is here..(I know I am not making sense here).

Its quite a small town too, no where near the size of Chiang mai and no where near the variety and scope of things to do, places to shop.

We didn't hate it.... and we'll certainly consider visiting again maybe even spending a few months there during the norths smokey season but... not sure .....might need a few more visits.

Ahthankyew

Yeahhhh good choice

I really am loving Thailand, the lovely weather, despite the occasional heavy rain, and the overall ease of getting things to eat and drink its so nice... easy going. I can totally understand why its a hippy paradise.

On a practical note, we went to visit a large  Makro superstore yesterday, just to look around and it has everything and anything you might want, though like the Dutch Makro stores, I am not so sure its a cheap place to go. But for everyday things, some foods, and some specialist foods.. its a once a month place, just like Makro NL.

Other shopping malls and supermarkets are equally impressive, and quite reasonable, though highly variable on price. Live sensibly here and your Bhat goes a long way, live like a crazy farang, and you will go broke pretty quick. Its easy to think, its just 100 bhat, but it adds up.. breakfast today of a nice ham omellete extra toast and a coke 0 was 129bhat, less than 3 euros.. half what you'd pay in NL, maybe even less.. But every day it adds up.

The small markets and street and just off street food vendors and produce sellers are amazing though, there's no need to stock up on things just step onto the street and you can buy breakfast, or fresh meat and veg for tonights meal, for very little money. Its quite extrodinary just how much retail enterprise there is here, 

Tomorow we have a weekend in Hua Hin to investigate it as a possible retirement place, but it will be hard to beat Chiang mai, even just in the old town this place has everything, step out a bit into the many different sub-city centres and you find even more to keep you in the 21st centry shoppers paradise.

We are looking at different areas here, and there are so many options, when we do jump, our plan is to rent for a year until we find the dream place to buy, I am wondering if we'll need that long :D some wonderful houses here at and below our expected budget.

I'll report on Hua Hin soon..But probably won't take laptop with me, which btw is being a bit temperamental, seems the cmos battery has died so it refuses to boot without following a hard reset process... but hard to do on the move so we'll leave it  here as we go into tourist mode for the weekend.

Ahthankyew

Sampling life in Thailand

We're not here for a holiday, that's next week.. I'm using this development time from work they give me to work on my.errmmm development. Which in this case means working on editing my book, which needs a bit more editing than I thought, I missed a whole chapter and its a biggie, that needs a major rework. I also have to put down the basics of the new code that is needed for this edition. I have sketeched out some code but it needs a big update. I don't plan to finish anything yet, just get the frameworks in place, and stored away to work on over the weekends I return. This book needs quite a lot if not all of its code content sent on-line in an effort to shed a few pages and hopefully pounds/euros on the price. I've never been  happy with the price it was sold at, so stripping back a few bits to put on line will hopefully have an impact.

But of couerse, we're in Thailand, Chiang Mai city to be exact. This trip I rented us a whole house to use as we like.. And that means, doing normal every day things Thai people do.. Going to the market, registering cars (Jirawan bought a car...an old one but very tidy), purchasing supplies, like a cheap monitor cos there was no TV in the bedroom as I had hoped. Also visiting friends and going for lunch, and doing a spot of house viewings to see what exactly 8 million bhat can buy you..We've not done that yet but we're going to as soon as I stop screaming when I drive the car in traffic... the traffic here is....there's only one word..insane.

And I am honestly very happy with the mundane things in life, its just simple to go to the market, go for a meal, go shopping for pretty much anything you can buy in Europe...well maybe a few differences, Pringles are waaaay smaller.

Expats on line often make the valid point that the cost of living is very low, if you live like a Thai, eat Thai food and do the mundane things Thai's do, oh and keep off the booze... But you will want to eat and drink western sometimes and it'll bankrupt you the say.

Well its not entierly true, from what I can see, there's a lot of western food and booze on offer at the right places, yes its pricey by thai standards, but about the same price if not a bit cheaper as it is in NL.  As someone who loves Jirawans cooking, even when its a bit off the wall for me, I don't think I have a problem eating Thai food all the time, and limiting myself to a few less well known brands of.....Whiskeee  and Ruhm  ... but whatever..
I'm really enjoying the mundane nature of Thai life, I can't wait to get a lot more of it.

Ahthankyew

Definitely plateaued

plateaued....
Cool word eh?

yeah not dropping down any more, bouncing a kilo or so around 94.. dipping and rising.  I need to try harder.. Still cycling to work despite the cooling weather though so might be getting a bit fitter if not lighter.

I really did want to get below 90 before we head to Thailand for a break, but can't see it, maybe when I get there i'll get some Thai tummy issues that will drop a few kilos... though, I'd rather not :D. I had it last time and we were driving around a lot of places, which made for a few interesting and desperate service station stops... not all of which were as modern and clean as I'd have liked.

I've also got a flair up of my diverticulitis which isn't nice, though no sign of any infections, (temp will spike and I need to report to hossie) so just discomfort and bloating, despite not a lot of food,which is probably why nothing has popped this time (look it up...) So it should calm down in a few days.

oh well, there's not a lot more to report, just working hard, and getting my project pushed along, I've pretty much finished the reworking of the new edition of the book, apart from the code which does need a total refactor. But part of the trip will be spent in peace and quiet to edit it and do some of the coding needed to go on line. I do still have quite a bit of on-line content and how-to content to write, as I was asked to take it out of the main book. So I'll crack on with that.. Delivery is in January so its all pacing out quite well.

Ahthankyew

damn this is hard..

Still not dropping below 93 yet, keep bouncing back to 94 and occasionally 95... I can't seem to lose any more... sigh...Clearly I need to do more excersise and push a bit harder, the diet itself just isn't dropping any more weight... time to feel the burn...groan...

Ahthankyew

tip that balance

Stepping on the scales this morning, I very very briefly saw a 92 flash on the LCD display as the scales settled... on 93.0 but its still only Friday, weekend starts tomorrow... doesn't it? It will be nice to step down another digit towards the 80's.

Our trip to Thailand this year is in 4 weeks time, so I'm fairly confident I'll be below the 90's by then. Which for very practical reasons, not just fuel economy of the overloaded aircraft, will make life there a bit easier. 

It's a wee bit warm there... and fat old sweaty pale scottish people, can get a bit tired moving around too much in that heat, we want to have a good mooch around the place this time.

Mostly though I'll be sat on my touche, doing final edits on my book, especially when Jirawan is off with her son to go visit family. I will go on a few trips with her,  of course, but I'm determined this trip, not to spend it in the back of a car driving around! So we've rented a house for 3 weeks to let us settle in one place and explore, to get a taste for living in Chiang Mai. We'll also squeeze in a few days in Hua Hin to get a feel for that place too, which should help us decide where to target our retirement plans. Both have pros and cons but we need to experience them.

When not editing, I might even try and catch up on my now sadly neglected Language lessons... I found memorising some of the words and phrases just a bit too hard and started to fall away from the pace of 1 lesson a day. I still have all the lessons though so I can pick them up at my own pace.

Ahthankyew

No harm done..

Yeah I did pig out a bit on Saturday and yeah it did dump on a few grams back above 94, but... a very hungry and busy, Monday and we're down to 93.3kg, not sure I could tolorate an even hungrier Tuesday but, I'll do my best and see what happens tomorrow as long as I can squeeze in a bike ride and a bit of light excerise every day I should see 92 by.....

Curry night was a spectacular success though, had a great night.

Also the models are selling online really well, the retirement fund is getting some nice boosts there.

The big sell off gathers pace. Ideally we want to clear out all the stuff we can't take to Thailand with us and make something on it, so yea thats guitars, music gear, models, even the SBC's and old computer gear, I no longer need... time to clear them out, a tenner each for the old SBC's will generate a fair amount.. Pity I can't really use ebay.co.uk anymore, Brexit now adds too many costs to smaller items, but we'll see if ebay.nl produces some interest...fucking brexit, the dumbest thing ever... 

Ahthankyew

Goodbye 94 but see you tomorrow

And the wall got smashed, mainly while being a little too often in the loo.. but thats what happens.. Finally got down to 93.7. There's no way in hell that will stick as I have a curry buffet happening tonight, and even if I  can resist the tempting things I  am cooking, I still have to taste and graze while I cook.

So see you again tomorrow 94... but I know you can be beatern... watch out

Ahthankyew

another wall?

Despite keeping up with the low calories and now including much more cycling, I can't seem to break 94Kg, popping back over 95kg from time to time.... I wish the weight loss was a lot more consistant.. But its clearly levelling out now and I have to work a lot harder to get down below the 94 and keep heading to that 1st target of 80kg (after that I'll see if 75kg is viable)

But, all I can do is keep at it, my determination is strong, my will power is....well not quite as strong, but I am only cheating some nights with protein rather than calories.. 

Got a curry night with friends coming on Saturday, so expect to be a bloated whale again on Sunday... and then we start again..

Ahthankyew

Good gig but bad guitar

We kicked off our post vacation gigs with a really nice gig at the Molen in  Bavel, playing in the shadow of the big windmill. There was a nice appreciative crowd and Karlien sang really well on a lot of new songs and did a wonderful version of Rollercoaster after we agreed I can't do it justice. But Karlien and Ed sang very well, so did I which was surprising. But I fluffed a lot of my guitar stuff, I was very annoyed with myself... Its not that I hadn't been practicing, but I just fluffed so many songs, wrong chords and terrible solo's.. It was as if I was drunk... but sadly no..

Overall we got through it ok, but I need to make sure that I'm never that bad again... I think part of it was having my nails a bit too long, so I was missing strings on some picking, and catching them with some flatpicking, not great... but it was a cascade thing. Once the 1st couple of fluffs happened it got worse... almost every song had a mistake from me, oh well...

We sang very well and people didn't notice it as much as I did... hope we get an invite next year.

It was also nice to have some of our regular followers comment on how much weight I've lost, so that was nice and a good motivator.. The weight loss is certainly slowing down, but I keep at it, and resist the cheats. Starting to lift some light weights as well, to begin the toning process before I start to increase the protein intake a bit.. Hopefully we'll break 90 in Sept, and would be great to be below 85 before our October break.

Ahthankyew

There it is..

94.7 :D finally hitting proper 94....feels good..  Things are slowing down a lot of course, but its no longer a straight 200-300g a day it does depend a lot on how many cheats I have and also honestly...how often I go to the loo. Constipation is sadly a side effect of this type of diet, so there are sometimes a few days of accumulation if you get my meaning..so after a few days... of ahem.. nothing.. I can expect to lose a few kilo's again soon :D

(notice, its spelled lose... I am getting so sick of reading loose on-line, do people not know how to spell....which is saying something coming from a dyslexic old windbag)

Back to work this week, its been pretty straightforward we had most of our prep work done before we broke up so just finalising and checking has been simple.. We now wait to get the details on our new students, who start in Sept, and then we can kick off. As usual, I'll be doing a beginners class each week, which will hopefully catch a few of the students who squeezed through the intake but don't really have the skills. Happens every year sadly, for various reasons, but its a pain to have these lost students falling behind from day one... so the extra class sometimes helps a few of them get a lift up. or just as good for them, to realise they are in the wrong course.

And now of course at the end of this first block I get to go off for a few weeks to Thailand, taking advantage of our Autumn holiday and my sustainable hours to do the edits for the 2nd edition of the book.

Which is progressing nicely, as far as the text is concerned, but need to make more progress on the code examples which are going to be quite different.  I get to combine, work and lovely holiday/research in just a few months... perfect.

Ahthankyew

Strange but true

Very odd, but still not hitting 94 yet, keep wobbling around 95-96, no real cheating, though it does seem every small piece of chocolate or scoop of icecream puts on 1kg ....

Back to work now, so a bit more mobile using the bicycle to get to and from work, and those lovely (groan) stairs every day... just have to stick with it and get even more serious about not having anything more than my 1 low cal meal a day..  Not sure I can cut that down any more, just try to delay eating it till as late as possible.

Sold the 1st of my prized guitars last week, and already having major sellers remorse as I look at the space in the guitar unit where Ruby, my prized Les Paul stood... but.. I can also look at the savings account and take a bit of comfort that the savings have gone up.. Hoping to sell the Traps Drums this week to old bandmate Kees who tried them out last week and noted a small fault which I quickly fixed when he left. The drums are not going to be a huge income, but the space saving in the studio will be nice.

I need to also start advertising the other instruments/equipment and putting some ads out there....its painful but its the only way, the sooner the money is in the bank earning a bit of interest, the better.  It will do more good in my account than it will in the studio not being played.  Brexit has buggered up using Ebay though, its near impossible to ship anything of value to or from the UK, so I will have to list some things on local sites and try ebay.nl which isn't very popular,..But I'll try ebay and see how it goes.

I still have not finished my totalling up of the shed model treasure trove, but will try to do that in the next few days.

My Thai lessons are really falling behind, I can't keep up and thats a bit demotivating. It takes me 2 or 3 days for the content to sink  in, but with a new lesson every day, I find myself getting falling behind.. But no matter, its online so I can do it at my pace, I just wanted to have a firmer grasp of things before our trip in October.

Ahthankyew