Sunday, 12 December 2010

Fed up

I'm fed up, no really, just totally pissed off, fed up, fucked off and not in the bloody mood for anything at all, everything is getting on top of me, I feel ill, tired and cranky, and I'm just not dealing with shit I should be dealing with.

Sounds familiar..

I'm also furious that when it comes to conflict, the 1 person I am supposed to be able to trust and have my back, does'nt. That sucks, and makes everything else seem 1000 times worse.

Jodie was asked to take the dog out while I was getting ready to go out with her to see her mums latest am-dram thing in Dordrecht..We had a train to catch, though we had plenty of time, but to save some while I was dressing the last job of the evening was to take the dog out for 2 mins so he would not be bursting all night. So I asked her to do it.

She didn't, she made a big fuss about it which eventually resulted in me shouting at her to just do what I'd asked. She didn't...she decided instead to take umbrage at my getting annoyed at her and walked out...without the dog of she managed to avoid the thing I asked her to do, something she does a lot, which pisses me of so much.

I then took the dog out, which had to be done, and seeing Jodie at the end of the block, heading to the station shouted that she was on her own and I would not be paying for her fare or the meal we had planned. There was no way I was going to let that behavour go lightly, and I was going to let her deal with the consquences of her actions on her own.

I walked the dog, and then walked to the station myself, caught the train to Dordrecht fully expecting to have Jodie there waiting to see what to do next, which as far as I was concerend was to head home and think about what she had done, cos I was not interested in spending time with her.

But no, I get a text from Bina, she's going to pick Jodie up, and take her there!! So knowing full well her mum was busy prepping for a performace, the selfish little madam calls mummy to come get her and there's no consequences to her actions at all.

Dis fucking gusting.

I am appalled, and furious about this, so I decided I wasn't going to spend the night fuming in a social setting and went home, straight to bed as it happens, as I had been feeling poorly all day anyway and this just added to it.

This morning of course, its all my fault....Bina, decides that there's 2 sides to this story and she's going to believe Jodie.

Incredible. There's so much wrong with this that I can't even put it into words, so of course we end up shouting which makes it my fault even more becuase I'm bad tempered and irrational and unwilling to see any view but my own.

I really fucking hate this, there is no other view, Jodie was disrespectful, lazy and selfish, and I tried to deal with that simply using exclusion as a consequece of her actions...yet mummy rides in to the rescue, without even checking with me, totally undermines me, and sees it as all my fault.

No...its not that I am unwilling to see any view but my own, its not that I'm always right, and its not that I get angry when things piss me off, its simple.

At least it is to me....but I can't make that point because the 1 person who is supposed to see my side of things, take a stand with me, and work with me to raise OUR child, isn't capable of seeing that there are indeed 2 sides to the story, but its not something parents are supposed to have any problem choosing.

Why am I posting this here...why not...she's gone off Shopping with Jodie....yeaaah Jodie gets to have a fun day out with mum, while Brian sits in the dog house.

Really fucking disgusting, and there will be some changes, becuase this is not bloody on.


No comments: