And... its diet time again

I loved having a fish supper back in Scotland, and a black pudding supper the next night, stunning lovely comfort food, but of coruse fattening.. there were some mirrors in my room, and I seem to be about 22 months pregnant.....

so yes, again....its diet time. I have sat Jirawan down, and told her, that not too much, has to be redefined, to not too many calories, and that a mound of veggies and noodles is indeed too much.. We're going lo carb, and much smaller portions and more excerise (she likes that bit, we walk most nights, and she likes cycling)

She kinda gets it though, she also wants to lose a few pounds.

Her cooking is so tasty its going to be hard to resist, but she cooks for 5, and then eats very little herself, I have to resist.

No point in doing the running score  but lets be honest I've been hovering round 100kg for a few months now so hopefully each week we'll see a kilo or 2 dropping down.

Ahthankyew

So we start again.

My short trip to Scotland was, eventful, at least as far as cock ups with car hire were concenred, but really thats all irrelevent in relaton to the real reason I was there, to say goodbye to Chris. 

Social distance rules meant it was a small turn out, though a good one under the circumstances, his friends came to say goodbye and his family was there too, thats really all that you can do. Even though I don't agree with the religious mumbo jumbo the priest did a fine job in eulogising Chris, his daughter Kelly had given him some excellent background info. Mum was gutted not to be able to travel, but I sent her some pics that were upsetting but also reassuring for her and thanked everyone there on her behalf.

Colin and I were civil to each other, clearly we're still estranged, but civil is better than antagonistic. We will have to see if that can develop.

I was on my own a lot of the time and so decided to drive around a little bit, visiting Fauldhouse, Edinburgh, Livingston.  hmmm well...Edinburgh is still the same as always though there's a few more pedestrainised areas. Of course its not crazy busy like it usually  is, due to all the Corona restricitons but people were out shopping and I took pics of the castle and other sights still there to send to Jirawan who wants to visit when we can, though much of the tourist sites are still closed.

Livingston has grown beyond recognition, and Fauldhouse has changed quite a bit too, in that earily familiar but not, kind of way, almost all the old shops I remember are gone, including my dear friends the Martin's newsagents.
I did come away with a profound sense of decay though, the place really isn't showing any signs of investment or improvement. When I walk down pristine Dutch pavements and drive on immaculate roads, I can't help but notice how shocking the infrastrucutre in Scotland is. The roads, the streets, the houses, all falling apart. I have been told that Scotland is booming.....but as  a visitor, I don't see it. Overgrown verges, crumbling roads, hip breaking pavements.... hmmm well, ok.. maybe its the lockdown. 

I spent 2 nights at a small b&b in Corstorphine, which allowed easy access to the motorway, and had the good fortune to be near an excellent chippy to have my frist proper fish supper in ages, it was lovely. Familiar food was the only real joy in the trip,  it was a sad time, and I was there for sad reasons.

Overall though I didn't find myself sentementally attached to the place, Breda is my home now and I am glad I am back here.  Jirawan was waiting for me at the airport and her sense of joy at my return made me realise I have so much to be grateful for here and its time for me to focus on that.

Ahthankyew

Not the best time to travel

After a long delay, we finally have a date for Chris's funeral, which allowed me to book a flight to the UK, a lot of hassle, but eventually managed to get a flight via Paris to Edinburgh and return a few days later.

It was a strange experience going to so much effort to book a 2 day trip, what was stranger was the sense of pointlessness in it all after I had finally managed it.
I've been noticably downbeat the last 2 weeks, for obvious reasons, Jirawan has been a rock and done her best to keep my spirits up. but booking the trip, really upset me. I am not too sure how I'm going to cope on Wednesday.

No chance to detour down to Rochdale and see mum sadly, I did try to look into leaving from Bradford  but the cost and lack of flights made it impossible.

We also have more info on cause of death, basically heart disease, a long standing condition, made a little more serious by his life style. He suffered a bad nose bleed, got out of bed too quick and collapsed and died. Its sad that he died alone though, he was a social and friendly chap all his adult life, far removed from his miserable moody teens that I recall well. It would have made more sense to have happned having a laugh with his mates, but life and death seldom makes sense,.

Sad also that the funeral itself will be a social distanced affair, no service to send him on his way,  just a graveside event, but am sure his friends will be there to wish him goodbye and reflect on their time with him, as will I.






Ahthankyew

Well thats just not fair 2020, not fair at all.

Yesterday was a great day, very happy. But I made the mistake of taunting 2020 thinking it was fun to put my happy day ahead of all the crap happening in the world right now.

But as the day moved on, and become tomorrow it became a sad day as I received word in the early hours that my youngest brother Chris had passed away.

The details are still very sketchy, but it seems he'd not been too well recently,  neighbours noticed he wasn't around the last few days and asked the police to check his house where he was found.
Actual cause and time of death are not yet known, we will discover in due course. My middle brother Colin is taking charge of things and will let us know when he has more info as well as make the arrangments needed.

Chris and I weren't speaking much the last few years, its kinda a recuring theme in families that brothers drift apart,  for sure. thats been the case with both my brothers.
You would be hard pressed to find 3 more different people, personalities, interests, likes, opinions, talents; we share none, even our accents vary as we mixed in different circles as we grew up and moved into very different lives from the ones we grew up in.

We don't even look much alike, but there you go, in spite of that he was still my brother, and I'm filled with a sense of loss at his passing as I recall all the times as kids he annoyed me, irritated me, scared me, shocked me, surprised me, and made me happy to be his brother growing up. He was the youngest and mum spoiled him which lead to some fantastic rows and more than a few tantrums.
But as a man he was social, funny, slightly insane, sharp witted, and possesed of a friendly nature that made him popular with his friends. We got together a few times as adults before the inevitable rows on our different world views and physical distance left us drifting.


I have a genuine sense of helplessness to aid in a family crisis that is of course going to have a huge impact on my mother who has to deal with the loss of her child. Colin and I are also quite estranged for several years, but I have trust in his ability to take charge and will support him in anyway he needs. We may have to re-evaluate our relationship after this, we'll see.

I'm trying to confirm if I am able/allowed to travel to the UK at the moment given the lockdown/quarentine situation, its not looking very promising.

Really not much I can do, just have to get through the days, and see what develops.







Ahthankyew

Gambles work sometimes

5 months ago, on Feb 14, St Valintines day I met a crazy short, chatty lady, who made me laugh, a month later I took a gamble, having already taken a couple before that which didn't pay off and asked her to spend lock down with me. It really was a gamble.

This one paid of, the last 5 months have been filled with fun, joy, trust, respect and love...wonderful times..

I want them to continue and asked Jirawan if she would marry me.....I normally would put in a bad taste joke here...but meh...no need she said yes..I said she was crazy.

Life is good, and I can't see it getting bad ever again.


2020 has been a bad year for a lot of reasons, but for me there's a gilt edge to those clouds...


watch me get corona now!!!




Ahthankyew

Always time to learn.

A few years ago, I bought a triple monitor stand on ebay... big heavy thing it is... and I was dead excited, but when I set up my monitors, my excitement changed to dismay as it was clear the gas pivots would not hold the weight of them...and I cranked the adjusters as far as I could... and still no go, so even though they held the monitors, they sunk to the ground and I propped them up with books or whatever. It was more effort than it was worth to ship them to the seller for a refund, and i'd spent a day setting them up, and even with out adjustment I at least had triple monitors set up.

And then I saw a small video on youtube by accident about adjusting the gas/spring tension... which I was sure I had done.. but decided to try again, this time though with the assurance that if I fucked them up I'd buy something else as my monitors are getting a bit past it (as is my work horse PC)

So I turned them anticlock wise as suggested... and yup, cranked as hard as I could with the screwdriver/socket.. and no movement.

So fuckit, get a wrench...and apply some leverage, and sure enough it moved, it moved a lot, a helluva alot and .....the monitors balanced... I can now raise and lower them and they hold...

bloody hell, years not having them working properly and all it took was a bit of effort..

So lesson learned, violence and power sometimes works when resolving long standing issues.

(or, read the fucking manual a bit better)


Ahthankyew

get rid of wires

I hate cables. really hate...they get tangled they are heavy to carry around, they trip you up, they wear out...oh so many reasons to hate them...

So am working hard to make my FBR acoustic set up wireless aside from the connection to an amp, the goal is no power cables (so battery/packs) and wifi systems.

I've got a decent, though little old guitar wireless system, which are a pair of old joyo rechargabe wifi units, they actually work pretty well when fully charged up. They probably need an upgrade as the batteries are probably on the way out... I also have a wireless mic, but it needs a powered receiver (and cable..grr) So been looking for a new option.

Today I took delivery of

Nux B4 wireless microphone system, which are rechargable ... I'm very excited about these as mic cables are the biggest pain.

Currently they are on charge so I can test them out, I've learned from past experience trying to test things that don't have a full charge can be quite annoying.

So...tell you in about 8 hours if they are a good buy or not. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.


edit...they are fantastic,, and I got a set of Harley Benton guitar wifi connecdtions and now am fully wireless... Brillian.t 4 hour rehearsals managed just fine, so a 1.5 hour gig will be no problem,. Though I'll always carry the cables in the gig box as a back up, this is the future :D
The only fly in the ointment is powering my voicelive3, I have a heafty powerbank that does provide power, but occasional drops in ampage result in resets...so its not perfect yet.

Ahthankyew

venturing out a bit.

Went to town yesterday for a drink with my old mate Martin and his wife Sally,  the centre was rammed with people though so we choose to meet up at the much quieter Hijgend Hert, which is our usual after work drinking haunt, away from the town centre, only a few people there.

It was nice to get out for the 1st time in weeks for a drink at a ba.... well outside terrace.

Im still going to avoid the main town attractions, its just too busy and not at all happy that social distancing can be observed.

In other news,  FBR did a lovely after hours office gig on Friday evening, and it was genuinly good to play, the audience of office workers staying apart and we on our "stage" 1.5m apart.
The video though!!!...There's a beachball playing guitar... as much as Jirawan thinks I look sexy (she's serious...crazy lady) I don't want to be a beachball..  98.0kg dead this morning...hoping to see a 97.9 tomorrow.

Ahthankyew

and another one bites....no more

So thats another of my rapidly reducing number of teeth gone...right bottom canine...been loose for weeks got much looser today and I managed to wiggle it out, with a final tug from a pair of manly pliers..

Sounds worse that it was...really wasn't..

It had to come out...but now I need to get some new falsies  again and hope my one remaining premolar on the bottom right is going to stay strong.  I suspct the whole of that side of the jaw is going to deteriorate over time though. I'll wait a week for the gum to settle back down again then book dentist.. At least I have insurance to cover it.




Ahthankyew

Please be wrong Brian..

today Breda opened up again, at least outdoors, but when I went online what I saw was crowds, loads and loads of crowds...

I'm going to wait a week-10 days...if there's no spike, then I go out and apologise to all...until then, I'm sorry but I think this is lunacy..

Ahthankyew

Not every day she said

No1 Sprog, well actually only sprog, says I don't need to weigh myself everyday... cos all I'm doing is telling  you all how much my shit weighs


She has a point.


But 98.9kg is a triumph of a turd deposit.

:D always good to see the numbers dropping.

Ahthankyew

why are bike saddles so uncomfortable?

8.5km last night, didn't really feel like doing more, but we have established a nice routine and 8.5km on the bike only takes around 30mins, so its about the same time as one of our late night walks but overall a better excercise.

We're both putting on a few pounds (ahem...she won't read this so I can say that, but she also says it) so this will be our method of shedding those pounds.

my ass hurts though, really need to find a more comfy saddle, a big wide saddle, with cushions, like a couch...or maybe I just stay in my couch, and ....hmmmm

todays weight is 99.1kg though, so back down after my curry shame.




Ahthankyew

Bills bills bills, and my curry shame

Well May is the month when I get a holiday "bonus" that gives me an extra chunk of change in my wage.....May is also the month I pay my local taxes and taxes on my freelance earnings and my accountant and.....well basically all the bills I have stalled and put a bit back into the credit card

And thats me back to level again....oh well, at least the mortgage is going down in July.


After being good for several days and seeing the drop below 100 stablise to a solid 99.x I got the munchies on Sunday night and needed a curry, I mean neeeeeded a curry, also promoted by having had several rums.


It was good, it was too much to eat, it was soooo good though I tried....and undid all the good work

sigh

oh and Im losing yet another tooth....damn this bone decay is a pain. which also means I need to get new false teeth, more cash...hope the dentsist is open.


Ahthankyew

99.2/3 well it wobbles a bit

13.8 km cycle last night...13 point fucking 8 km, lots of stops on the way but even so..thats quite a lot of kms.


Jeezus, my ass is sore, my bike does not have the most comfortable of saddles. But there's no real arguing with the results. Jirawan got herself a much more usable bike yesterday and she wanted to see other parts of Breda, so off we went to the Mastbos (local woods) and around the outskirts of Breda, taking in the old and new spots of the town. Nice

It is rather nice to take in the sites, but I do need a more comfy bike if this is going to be a regular evening event. I miss my old bike, I wonder if its worth getting it fixed up one last time......


Ahthankyew

99.9kg The phsycology of weight loss

I know, its only day 1, and that basically amounts to the standard evacuation of my bowels and bladder, but seeing a number below 100kg when the scales groan under my weight, is a good boost to the ego.

More excercise today, even though I ache a bit from last night's 10K, and considerably less food, Jirawan has been warned that not too much has to mean, not too much.

As well as a limit on booze to weekends only, and then only 1 or 2, maybe 3, no, no Brian,  need to cut that back to special occasions, like 5Kg losses.


Roll on Day 2.



Ahthankyew

fuck Im fat

ok today, I went on a 10k bike run, I hate 10k bike runs, and yes I could have easily got out of it, but I need to do something...101.4kg

101.4 fucking kg

thats absurd, I was getting stressed out when I was 90kg

Jirawans amazing cooking is tempting and keeps me away from all my good intents...but 101.4 fucking kgs.


well lets see how things go.


Ahthankyew

oh my hearing is back

took a few days (weeks) but my hearing returned to normal, I guess it was a small infection or something. The Tinitus is now back to normal, background levels and I'm fine.

phew

Ahthankyew

sitcoms are supposed to make you laugh

Just finished watching the 2nd series of After Life, my god, my fucking god...what an emotional rollercoaster of a show that is, genuinely tearing up and then laughing out loud then crying like a babe again...
This is genius writing and acting, can't express enough how utterly brilliant this show is, every emotion is laid bare and then twisted on itslef. utterly brilliant. Gervais made awkward comedy his thing, and it was amazing, now by design or luck hes stumbled on raw emotional grief comedy in a way that really leaves you a wreak...

oh man...brilliant.

Ahthankyew

Lockdown continues...and its kinda great

Well yes, there's a lot of boring repetition, and I'm dying to get out to the movies or a bar going out for a nice meal. But the one great thing is staying at home with Jirawan, someone who is totally comfortable with my bizzare working habits and looks forward to my "coming home" at 5

What a lucky man am I ....finally after all these years finding someone who just gets me. Enjoys doing her own thing, takes pride in our home and has totally fitted in,  and looks forward to the things we can do together...

bah..57 years building up to finding someone like this and I'll probably catch corona and die this year.

LIFE EH!

Ahthankyew

Im a lucky man

a little tipsy, it has to be said, so yiou can take this with as big a pinch of salt as you like

but I am a very lucky man... finally.


yeah, you know what I mean.

Ahthankyew