Monday, 7 June 2010

The joys and perils of Coffee

I posted this in the cancer blog as it is obviously cancer related but it did make me smile so here is the funny edited for extra 20% funniness.

So today was my consult with the new Radiotherapist/Oncologist at the Dr Verbeeten Institute in Tilburg . I suppose by British terminology you would call it a private clinic, it seems to specialise in cancer and cancer treatment, nice and posh.

I had no idea how long it would take to get there, so I decided to get a taxi from the station and off we went, 12 mins later I arrived 35 minutes early..oh well..I'll know next time.

Nothing much to report aside from a ridiculous Charlie Chaplin moment on my part.

On checking in they give you a token for the coffee machine, ok it was early and I needed a caffiene boost even though I usually don't before seeing the doctor, to avoid coffee breath as he's sticking his head in my mouth. So off I went to get my coffee. Token for coffee/melk/suiker and voila...

Brown and white streams start gushing out of the spouts. plastic cup dropped down, I rushed to grab a cup from the collection of cups stacked on the sideboard next to the machine, but too late, the precious fluid had stopped flowing..

I walked back to the fancy glass reception desk to ask for a new token, gesticulating fairly mildly I thought and pointing back to the machine. Not realising that the cup I still held in my hand was in fact a used cup, still containing a small amount of coffee from its previous use...

This small amount, now became propelled through the air, watched by me with sinking heart as time slowed down alowing me to track the brown coloured badness headed straight for the young blonde receptionist behind the desk, the blonde, very clean receptionist and her extremely white blouse........

Fortunately for her at least, the momentum of the coffee was more of a slow arc than a straight bullet projection, I was only pointing to the cofee machine absentmindedly after all, not thrashing my arms around in a range.

So the velocity was above "cup escape" velocity but below "in your face(or blouse), bitch" velocity, so the arc slowed and it didn't manage to clear the desk, but it did splash just before the top surface and trickled all the way down before leaving a nice splash on the carpet.

I apologised profusely as she handed me a new token and explained my actions, which she had missed as she was picking up a new token and probably wasn't expecting to be showered with brown liquid, while at work.

New token in place I took more careful note of the instructions in Dutch which I now realised said "first put your cup under the spout", I should read more, especially things in red at the top of coffee machines...I found clean cups and this time managed to provide myself with a full cup of coffee and began my wait....watched by a dozen or so slightly bemused cancer victims waiting for their turn with the still white bloused receptionist.

So I sat and waited for my name to be called, and while I waited, I watched mildly, amused and embarassed as 1st the receptionist cleaned the mess, then a cleaner came to clean the desk and floor.
The cleaner however seemed to be a little stumped. So she called for help. After a very short while, armed with a wealth of exerience in these matters, the cleaners supervisor comes to inspect the coffee spill which had managed to seep between the glass and its holding bolts.

After a few back and forth attempts at cleaning this side then the other, and the word coffee being said often enough to convince me they were talking about coffee,- the rest of the conversation was in Dutch but may have included the phrase some clumsy English man (I'll forgive them)- the supervisor made a call. Answered soon (they are bloody fast these people) by the arrival of the supervisors supervisor. Who, after a few moments of managerial hands on hips having the situation explained to him (the word coffee was used a lot again.),had a go with the cloth as well.
They then tried to remove the stain of coffee that could be seen had slipped in between the glass plates and the mounting bolts.....

Then my name was called and I had to leave the show...which could well have ended up with a whole slew of managers and perhaps even a CEO, saying the word coffee a lot..and something about clumsy Englishmen (no really its ok, they don't know the difference)

I must admit, even though I was the cause (and it was a total accident) I took some pride in knowing I was keeping these 3 fine people in work.


1 comment:

E-Dog said...

I thought for sure this story was going to end up with you crapping your pants. At least that's why i don't drink the coffee before important things such as this.