Thursday, 26 March 2015

Am I past it?

Health issues aside, (99.95% now so pretty much there)

I worry if I am still up to my job..not the teaching, I still love that, and enjoy the challenges it gives me. But as a programmer, can I still cut it?

The last year, I have had so little time to do much programming, but when I get time, it never seems to be productive.. I can't seem to finish my Z80 project, though I usually work on it 5-10hrs or so a week, I seem to spend more time firefighting and hunting for memory than actually progressing towards a clearly visible but still distant end. I can't do much more till that's out the way as people are waiting for it to be finished and I can't let them down. There's an old coders adage, 95% of the work is in the last 5% of the project....very true in this case.

I have also a PSM and a PS4 project on the back burner...but just no great inspiration to move forward with them. The PSM one is dead though, since Sony have sadly decided to kill of the PSM sad..
But the PS4 gig is potentially a great thing.. it was going to be my Masters gig project but the masters never kicked off, so back burnered, with a glance from time to time. I fear disappointing an old friend who has let me run with this project he originally created with his brother...But I do still hope it will be the masters project in Sept... Not that I want to do the masters..but if I have to, that's the project I want to do. etc....moan moan rant rant. Masters crap shit fuck..

I dunno what I need to do, I've had writers block before of course, but I never used to suffer prolonged writers block, I have an enviable reputation for getting projects finished, but that drive seems to be missing.. I can't just sit down and do it....all my tips and tricks which I pass on to students are not working...I need a kick up the arse from somewhere, but its just not there.

We're moving into a quiet period at work, for 3 weeks, and I have a quiet block also coming up then summer...that might finally give me some chance to recharge... I can't wait for the summer holidays, though mostly I plan to sleep and do as little as possible, before going down to La Moreau in France, for a special week of guitar playing and performing in memorial to a lost friend.

I think I need to do something else for a while...once I get the Z80 thing still fills my time, but not when I am so busy with work.  Could it be time to clear out the shed and get my model building tools set up on the workbench?? hmmmm naaahhh...too much hassle.

Being single also isn't helping, I can't say how much I miss Brenda, she doesn't read this, so I can be open, I can't really get over her, nothing would make me happier than having her back in my life, but I know in time nothing would make her sadder....can't win!

Need more time,  apparently it heals all wounds....might bleed to death waiting though....hmm there's a song lyric for someone.

hmmm that got depressing quite quick........can't think of a way to make it lighter right now...Better just go get back to staring at my screen, I have some odds and ends of marking and project reviews to do...suppose I might as well crack on with this.


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