Annnnnnd single again.

I think I should fit a revolving door on my heart, or cut the strings or something...fuckit
The anticipated romantic trip for two just wasn't..no talking, no sharing, no romance, no sense of joy or discovery, no silly giggles, no wow moments, no sense of belonging, nothing...thats when you just have to stop farting into the wind and stop. I've made too many mistakes recently to let a deep fear of being alone trap me into an empty and doomed relationship.

There has to be someone out there...somewhere...who actually wants me for me? I will make a bit of an effort, clean up a bit, be attentive and all that, I'm getting quite good at that now...just want to be noticed and loved for who I am...

Thought that was the easy bit.

ho hum.... more rum Brian...
I don't mind if I do Brian thanks.
It tends to make you talk to yourself.
Oh thats ok I've got no other fucker to talk to.


Ahthankyew

Brian the pop star

I'm so incredibly excited at the way our acoustic trio, Famous Belcrum Recordings is taking off.  Gigs are rolling in and we're starting to build a serious following.

Considering my other band's never really managed to get many gigs, this incredible degree of interest, which so far has 7 or 8 confirmed gigs in the next couple of months with more on the horizon. Its making me giddy with fear, pride and excitement.
There's a couple of them are big gigs too, so hopefully that in turn will lead to even more gigs, and hopefully some attention for the summer festival circuits.

Can't post the dates just yet, a couple are still in negotiation but its all amazing. Just amazing.



Ahthankyew

Grandad again :)

Ah bouncing new baby granddaughter.

she didn't let me know she'd gone into labour this time, I was so stressed and worried last time she waited till after...grrr.

But yeah, happy happy happy

Ahthankyew

well this is dull

The diet seems to have flatlined, constantly floating around 96kg,  I guess I am just going to have to increase the physical activity a bit more, uggg excercise .....gulp

Spring break is coming up, its been a bit hectic at work, (and home) so am really looking forward to a  a few days away from a computer in the Dutch wetlands near Rotterdam, I've booked a small holiday place for a few days where Joyce and I can spend a bit of time just chatting and unwinding over the mess we're...I'm making of my life....well we'll see.





Ahthankyew

And gummy Brian is here

Yup, now toothless, but thats ok I'll get to teh dentist soon and sort out some nice falsies....

sigh...falling apart

Ahthankyew

gummy Brian

I've been "suffering" (really there wasn't much suffering involved) from some bone necrosis in my lower jaw as a result of my radio therapy 8 years ago now. As the bone has slowly died, its finally start to impact on my lower incisors, and one has already fallen out last yeat. The other is pretty much on its last legs now and probably going to pop out in the next few days (watch, it'll take 2 months)

Its a bit of a pisser, I could have had them both removed last year by the dentist but I wanted to hang on to them as long as possible.. But its time. I can't really get any implants or other things done, since the bone is compromised and will probably continue to die off for a while yet, but at least when this old fella pops out I can get some false teeth..

sigh...false teeth.. never thought I'd ever have them..but I guess considering the alternative its a small price.

I will now be able to watch all those dentafix adds with a sense of, must try those.

Ahthankyew

96.0 bouncing a bit

Many more salads needed I fear...but I will take the plunge



Ahthankyew

95.8 And all's well

So far so good, the continued small portions and occasional salad at work are having the desired effect.

today is going to be an excercise day...well i say excercise, what I really mean is clean up the attic and office day. Considerably more energetic than anything I'd ever do in a gym.

Going to have a bit of a clear out (no really), time to sell off some of my of music gear I'm not using, still reluctant to get rid of any guitars, even the crap ones, but got lots of gadgets I don't use as I am trying hard to simplify my equipment.

also seriously considering getting rid of my Traps Drums, as much as I love them, I just don't play them any more, and they are a massive space claimer upstairs.... hmmm maybe when I finish cleaning up I'll have a change of heart and do a bit more playing.



Ahthankyew

Well it was a good steak 96.1kg (again)

We had some great visitors to BUAS last week which meant I got to take them out for dinner and drinks at Conb Fuego steak house in town...and what a dinner and drinks it was, there was no way I was not going to pay on the scales for that, even with a few extra days of ...ermmm well I was going to say salad, but not even that I kinda cheated KFC figured in the cheating...great new chips...but the chicken is starting to dissapoint, never thought I'd say that about my favourite take aw....2nd favourite take away. (curry is tops)

It was an amaaaaaazing steak though 500g....a slab of meat followed by an excellent selection of beverages of the alcoholic, and fatterning variety. Oh also starts and dessert....oh my, after being careful about what I eat for a month it was heaven....

yum

anyway, could have been much worse, much much worse :D Back on the diet now, this week we should properly crack 96 and stay in 95.

Ahthankyew

for 1 day only 95.5kg

get in there :D
didn't last long though, a slightly non diet weekend kicked it back up to 96.3 but thats ok, am sure by the weekend we'll see mroe 95 than 96



Ahthankyew

96.1kg but bouncing a bit

I think the body is settling into a clear out now, and its finally starting to drop the fat rather than lose water/crap  I hit 96.1 mid week but it has been bouncing around abit between 96.1 and 96.5 so very much depending on what I eat.

So having basically cleared out and got my metabolism to settle down its now time to up the activity levels and do some...gulp, excercise...

My gym membership seems to have lapsed but thats ok I still hate gyms with a passion, such soulless dull places, I hate the time wasted to go there, the time wasted to do the actual work, the boring and crappy act of exercise and the time to get home and stuff doughnuts in my face. uggg..

I will simply do some more hard walking and try to do a few sit ups and pus.....lol who am I kidding.. I just need to try to be more active and continue to eat less on as many days as possible. I do have lapses but overall its working out.


Ahthankyew

96.5kg keep it coming

ok so thats nearly 3kg since the Fatman incident.... portion control and a bit more mobility but not much in the way of real cardio, aside form fast walks with the dog, who hates fast walks and insists on stopping to sniff, every, single, leaf to test if its worth droping 2 drops of piss on it.

I'm not at all getting used to being hungry, but I just have to keep in mind the 99.2kg

but ok, so far so, good, I am sometimes breaking the rules,  especially in the evenings,with a biscuit or cheese and crackers,  but overall smaller portions, and carrots for snacks is starting to pay off.

Once I get down to 90 I'll up the cardio a bit more and see if we can accelerate things a bit.


Ahthankyew

Another crowd funded meh!

After waiting a year and a half, ....yes a year and a half, I finally took delivery, after paying nearly 40euros for customs, of my much anticipated Jamstack.

oh well. Its a bit dissapointing, its certainly well made and does its job but the claim that it could be used outdoors and be as loud as an acoustic is not even close. 10watts its claimed, my 5W champ is 2 or 3 times louder. I was hoping it might be useful in a busking situation, but not really. (not that I'm planning on doing any busking but I like to be prepared).

It "might" be due to me using my Blueshawk, which as fairly low gain pickups, I'll try it on a humbucker system or a high output strat, but basically its not very good, I'm quite dissapointed.

All told, nearly 200euros...for a gadget that dosn't really deliver and 18 months+ of anticipation.


hmmm much like my love life....sigh.

At least I can sell it, it might help pay for my love life.

Ahthankyew

Edit... yes the higher output on my Suhr pickup Strar is indeed quite a bit louder, but still not at acoustic guitar levels, it can be gained but you get feedback and noise...so..nope, its not for me, I'll put it on ebay, might get back what I paid for it.

Happy New Year

Even though it seems that most of the hassles and agrivation from last year are still ongoing....hmm so much for a redo..

No real resolutions this year, I'm not a fan of the concept, but I do intend to lose weight and improve my dutch....not sure which will be the easy one.

I do have a feeling this is going to be a pivotal year, I'm trying to make more change in my life, and also get out of a very severe professional rut. I tried to get hold of a couple of freelance gigs in the latter part of 2018 but despite some interest, the projects never materialised, which is annoying but c'est la vie.

I've still got Benta living with me,  I haven't really pointed out that in my posts. She and I didn't work out as a couple, that was upsetting and a bit of a life changer, but we have to proceed as best we can. She's going to complete her masters in the coming year and then move on, in the mean time she's a house guest while we try to get on with things.

Financially though it puts a massive strain on me, which I need to do something about, not sure if that means a new job or trying harder to find some freelance work.

 I'm very very dissapointed in the book income, not in the book itself, or the process but the actual getting hold of any money its making is just such a bloody chore. I've learned a lot about how publishers work, they really are not the interested in looking after your interests...nieve on my part I think but hey ho. They will get round to checking my sales at some point, and sending money, probably in the form of a useless check (US spelling) but it will come, in the mean time frugality and focus has to be the key themes this year. I'll have to chase them in a few weeks.

Another book is in the works, but only as an expansion of my magazine articles, and I won't make much on that, but every little helps.

Anyway....its going to be a busy year, I hope I can get my motivation levels up to handle it.


Ahthankyew

a good start 97.2

I can probably say that the 99.2 kg was due to a mega kebab or something, but I have been careful to try to eat less after the shock, before the serious business of the diet starts and its startig to show results.

2Kg already, mostly due to the standard clear out of the old digestive system, so we'll call that the starting point.

The diet is simple, 1 main meal per day and not a massive portion.I need to eat musli/bran each morning, I don't normally eat brekkie but the metabolism needs to be able to know when the food is coming and not start complaining about being hungry by 10-30.

Lunch will be a small salad, preferably with protien, such as smoked salmon, but maybe some goats cheese, ham, or bacon. I do like a honey and vinegar dressing though, so that will also happen.

More protien, less carbs, and for snacking, its carrot sticks and soup, I just bought a months worth of cupasoup from Makro, as well as a fair amount of chicken.
I will top up with fresh salad (no point trying to constantly make my own)

so chicken, (no skin), pork chops (no fat..sob), steak (yum), some sushi/sashimi.I won't make quite so many stews, mince etc...but I won't totally abstain, just small portions.
I also have to get some fish, fresh.
And of course,  more walking, cycling (I can't run, don't even bother trying to tell me) and stairs, and as soon as possible the gym (shudder).



Ahthankyew

And I'll start before new year

Fatman is now going to make a start on losing the name.

I'm on a diet

Stop laughing at the back, I'm quite serious, I've lost a little bit since the 99,2kg shitfest, but I now have to make a serious start and reduce my calorie intake and get back to the gym, or at least get in a lot more cycling and walking (weather permitting)

I didn't have a massive pig out on Christmas dinner, the only real extravigence was cheesy mash..was lovely. but 1 plate of beef and potatoes with roast carrots..yum


1 hot meal a day, and switching to low cal, high protien dinners, as well as some non sugar musli or bran (at my age...I need it)


oh.... and booze, once a week and only a couple.

Ahthankyew

55 solar revolutions

So,...55, it feels much the same as 54, a few more aches, a few more lines, a lot more lbs and a few more regrets.

Trying very hard to see the positives but I'm really not sure, there's some bright spots in my love life, but lots of complications, some serious downsides to my finances due to the previous misfires of my love life.
I spent the day largely alone, doing some work, and not finding much pleasure in it.

I am also starting to look to new pastures, not something I've done for a while as I've been very happy here, but lack of engagement with work and brexit are making me re-evaluate what it is I want from life, and at the moment I've not toally decided. I see 20 years of mortgage still to pay, and a sense of tiredness and lack of working motivation thats hard to really get over. I work all the time, but seem to achieve very little.

meh....55 kinda sucks, I wish I could go back to 50, that was much more fun, but onward...ever onward.


Ahthankyew

holy shit Fatman!

99.2kg.

99 point fucking 2 kg

man that is heavy, and I thought I was keeping my eating under control....clearly not.. starting to wonder what more I can do... I really am not eating so much, nor am I drinking ...quite...so much

its going to hit 100kg, its one more sausage roll away.

really need to fix this.

Ahthankyew

Another book?

hmm a publisher got in touch to ask me to write another book, not the same publisher and not the same topic.

Very interesting, I'll give it some thought, I am still really working on the 1st one though making sure the website is fully working and supporting readers, so need to consider if I have the time to do it

I am planning to collate the 12 monthly tuts I wrote into a book/pdf download though so maybe once I've done that I'll consider it.

But still :D a publisher got in touch, has a nice ring to it.


Edit... not going to do it, they sent a list of topics they wanted coverered in only 6/7 months...just not viable, I passed. I might try to write a few things down about the basics of AI though and see if I can collate it into an introduction book on the subject without all the buzzword bingo that is associated with AI.  First expand the articles though

Ahthankyew

went back to work...that was a mistake

5 days of cold and I thought the worst was over...so went back to work, after 2 hours I was drained and close to fainting.....thats not good, came straight home to bed for 3 hours....

It is just a cold but its certainly hitting home, lets hope the chest infection dosn't set it.



Ahthankyew