Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Last Post before the chop

So.....what to say...am off for my op in the morning, I'm supposed to get an early start so I can have the minuscule biscuit breakfast, so I need to go to bed soon but really am not able to sleep just now.

I've posted all the students retake stuff but had real problems concentrating on the marking process so I'll have to deal with that later.

I'm due to check in at 10am, get settled, tubes and drips inserted as needed before the op which will be "sometime" in the afternoon. I might have to finally allow the dutch medical service access to my old man to fit that catheter they've been dreaming of since last year....hope I'm out cold when they do that.

Its strange that people seem keen to know the time of the op, I keep being asked by email and so on...I honestly have no idea, I suspect there is a schedule at the hospital but I dunno..probably after lunch sometime, hopefully they will tell me when I get there.

I'm nervous, and of course stressed about this, so not knowing the time is probably a bad thing...bit like waiting for the hangman to come to the cell for your early morning walk and stretch. Then again knowing could be even worse as I count the seconds till Op time....argghh can't decide which is worse, knowing or not knowing.

Its not at all like all the other surgeries I've had over the years, none of which have ever stressed me out, partly I suppose because I needed them to relieve pain or discomfort...When you have an appendix throbbing away, you don't think of anything else but getting it out..now!

The enormity of whats happening is starting to sink in and its hard to explain..I got cancer...shit ok, thats bad I know that...and just 3 weeks to the day after finding out I'm having a big chunk of my jaw, with associated and much looked after teeth, removed to deal with it...

Its mindblowing really. I don't feel ill, have little to no discomfort from the tumour, no visible signs, no weight loss, no obstructions, nothing! My body is doing everything it should do apart from a little lump on my outer gum!

So surgery just seems to be a scary prospect for no physical reason....but of course there is a reason, if I don't do this, I'll die!!!

yup..theres a motivator for you! But still does not change the facts..I feel fine and I'm about to go under the knife and without the normal physical stimulus of pain or discomfort that usually proceed surgery, it feels very unnatural.

Still its a good way to get loads of medical grade drugs..the only time I ever indulge in such things :D

I don't think there is internet access in the wards, so this will be the last post for a while, unless I can hobble down to the reception area where there is a wifi hotspot and leach a bit of signal to feed my internet addiction.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words and support, I mean that, its easy to forget just how many people are in your life, even if its the outskirts, but when they all come forward to wish you well its truly overwhelming and I'm quite choked up by some of the nice things I hear and old friends who got in touch.....bet you wouldn't be so nice if I had the clap though eh??? eh???

Bed time now...hopefully I'll be able to update this soon...and add pics of the current cute beardless me, with some before and after pics :D


1 comment:

Mary Helen said...

Good Thoughts, wishes and prayers for you....I've been there and know the feelings