getting bigger

Ahthankyew

Really loving the Pi4/400

Its not just that its fun, but it gets better with little tricks and updates you discover making more things possible. It really is a nice machine

Ahthankyew

Not so many updates

Well we're still in lockdown here in NL, so there's really very little to talk about, Jirawan still makes me laugh every single day, and we're loving our life, but we do want to go out and eat and be entertained but...yeah...nothing much changes each day, get up, go to my home office, work for 8/9 hours, go watch TV or go back to my office do some programming on my Raspberry or Coleco projects.

Jirawan likes to take advantage of my working and have long lie ins watching her Thai soaps on her phone in bed till midday (she's addicted....but who am I to complain).  Then she gets to go out to work at the Thai restraunt from 3 till 9ish..(take away only)  So she at least gets to have a bit of a social life, which I think is the only reason she's not lost her mind :D  Thats when I do my own work, in the evenings when she's out, so don't think I'm neglecting her...unless I have bugs. :D

Life is falling into a very hum drum routine, but its not at all uncomfortable or stressed we  have so much fun together doing our own things and being daft together.

Waiting for the jab though so we can go on a holiday, get to Thailand and meet the family, or England and meet mum..

One day......

Ahthankyew

phew just a cold

Had a tiny scare,  for the last .....how long has it been? We've been in rigid lockdown, not seeing anyone, mixing with people or going out without mask..

So when I start to get symptoms of a cold, it was panic stations, there's just no way I can pick up a cold virus, and if I can get a cold, I can get... athletes foot...or worse

Anyway the rules here say if you have any cold like symptoms to get a covid test asap which I duly booked last night, and attended this morning to get the results this afternoon.

clear...no covid.

Its just a cold........but of course, its a bad horrible man flu kinda cold and I need my feet rubbing and stuff.....

good job I'm married now.

Ahthankyew

Curfews and snow

The Dutch introduced a curfew at the end of Jan which we all hoped would be lifted tomorrow, but no its going to extend to the beginning of March.... at least

That and the fact we've finally hit winter with the most snow NL has had in a decade means going anywhere is now impractical AND illegal after 9pm

sigh... If I am honest we're not too bad, J gets to go to work part time 4 nights a week, so that keeps her in touch with her thai friends and sane, I come upstairs and work on my projects. That keeps me....hmmmm

But we do want to get out and about a bit, there's just nowhere to go and nothing to do, my drinking is...well its undercontrol...kinda, a bit, but I am having a few more snifters of an evening. Our sleeping is all over the place, though I have to be up at my puter at 9 so I manage that but often doze on the couch after work.

We just want normality to come back to our lives, like everyone else...our resistance is strong, but it is getting thinner.

Ahthankyew

at last...oh its only February

It really is moving very very slowly this year... but at least its moving.

Grading time at work, so nothing much going to happen for a week or so.....

in other news, J, finally got her refund for her flight to Thailand that was cancelled last year at the start of the pandemic/1st lockdown... almost a year... and they took a charge...but meh...

nothing much else to report, its been such a long sllllllloooooowwww month.  We really want to go out, on holiday to a beach somewhere with sun...  sigh

Ahthankyew

January isn't going to end is it?

Its dragging on and on, not helped by the fact our lockdown has now added a curfew to the mix, which means we're locked in from 9pm, and can't do our late night walks any more...

Still crazy times here, ,NL has been painfully slow to get traction going on the vaccination program, so it looks like its certainly going to be summer before we get a jab and can start thinking about any kind of normnal.

Life as a newlywed is still wonderful, but not being able to go out for meals, entertainment or travel togher is really a pain. But at least we have each other to make us laugh every day and keep the moods at bay.

oh well...just have to keep focused, at least we're not sick.

Ahthankyew

Gawd its still January....

Lockdown continues.... we're coping pretty well generally but I must admit I do miss being able to go to the movies, or out for a meal, or just drinks.

Its a crazy time for all.. NL isn't rolling out the vaccine as fast as we'd like, for a small country with amazing government systems for keeping tabs on you, they should be doing better, but it slow so far.

Hoping we can get the jab before summer and maybe then see about a holiday to get well away from this crazy..

In the meantime I am worried about mum back in the UK, she's locked in a cage basically and going very stir crazy, Jirawan and I are hoping we can ship her over here sometime this year to chillax and recover...dunno how easy that will be, it will depend on jabs, mad dogs and new brexit visitor rules... all a bit argghh

Speaking of Brexit,....thats going really well isn't it..... muppets.

Oh well, back to work, my home office chairs arse indent isn't going to fill itself.

Ahthankyew

The world is truely mad

Watching the events in the USA.....madness

Im not a great fan of America, I have lovely american friends, even a few that still live there, but the place is insane, the politics are beyond crazy, the sense of undeserved moral superiority and ignorance of the world, as well as the social injustice they deny so hard is based entierly on the concepts of greed and power.

Its not a place I want to move to, though I do, or did, enjoy visits there.

But whats going on now is madness.. Trump himself is appalling, and there's more than enough evidence to prove that, what is scary though is that he has the support of so many who refuse to see just how appalling he is. He's literally, and its easy to check, literally has done nothing good as a president. Spent most of his time unravelling Obama and even Bush's legacy, while contributing nothing of his own, but claimed he's saved the US, by making it a paraiah state and a lauging stock on the world stage.

Populism without any accountablity.

Decades of corruption and abuse of power from both sides (and sides is so relative in this case because they are both right wing parties) has now produced a popualtion so ignorant of fact and concepts of responsibility that it has devolved into simple tribalism.

And tribalism forces you to back your tribe no matter what it does, without question or concern.

I am sure this is going to get worse, much worse, and Trump will stand proud as the country burns around him.

Ahthankyew

new 'puter in place

Well not that new really, I decided to make use of the upstairs games system, its still an older model system, but newer than the beast, and significantly quieter making for a nicer working situation, the old beast was churning out fan noise at an alarming rate and I'm sure its responsible for my Tinitus..

I don't like switching machines though, there's an inherrent loss of content you have to deal with, and at some point you find you need an app or a file that is just not there any more..its a pain..

But the old machine is still usable and I will set it up to be a back up, upstairs, then transfer all its many gig of files going back years and years....and years... and then see what I can do to recycle some of its good bits. Its still a nice machine despite its age, it has a good graphics card in place. But the noise is too much now, I might try to put its guts into an old silent case I have in the shed, if the PSU is compatable. But for now, its new pc in place. Which is sooooo much quieter.

Ahthankyew

Oops, Merry Christmas

sorry I forgot...

Merry Christmas

we had a nice quiet Christmas, though Jirawan did a bit of work in the evening which distrupted our dinner plans, we instead have an awesome roast beef and veg dinner on Boxing day

We never managed to get out shopping for presies before the lockdown shut everything down, so we'll be putting what we saved into a holiday pot. First chance we get we're going somewhere hot... dunno when that will be mind you. I suspect we'll be a little back of the queue for vaccinations, but as soon as we can we're having a holiday to remember, combined honeymoon, holidat, christmas pressy.

Even though it wasn't a traditional Christmas, it was still a wonderful 1st Chrismas together... the 2nd will however be a much bigger affair if I get even half a chance.

2020 was a pretty crap year for a lot of reasons, but it had its good points :D

Ahthankyew

Lighting done

So this is basically what I've been messing with, its not by any means new or revolutionary, in fact its pretty standard in most games and a little outdated. But I'm planning something on the Raspberry... which is capable of things like this quite easily, but not quickly.

The intenton now is to develop a few performance concepts that will let me use this lighitng model but at a much increased performance.. So that I can fill a Rasp3/4 with models and when appropriate, light them and make them look decent..
this particular model is probably not going to make it in a game, its too complex, but it does put the Raspberry at  its limit using a standard system. meaning I can measure improvements in terms of FPS, which lets me exeriment with a few ideas I have.

You can't really do this kind of researh with a PC, unless you draw 100's of these on screen, which also causes other things to come into play, so this is a really good use of a Raspberry's lack of power.

Oh and its damn pretty :D

Ahthankyew

Small Steps

The Difference with and without emission textures

though I must admit my light calculations are a bit off so having to use an ambiant light to make this pop

and on a bigger model the results can be subtle

Ahthankyew

New Pi Project underway

Every year I give my Y1 block C students a project to do on the Pi, its always an eye opener for them. this year I plan to make it a little more technical to help them transtition to the new Pi4's so more OpenGLES3.x than 2.0

They will get a basic render system like the 1st image below then have to load in the space station and different ships to create a basic space trading game viewed from an observers view point..

It'll be fun... promise :D

Ahthankyew

7 weeks married

Not a single cross word and every single day I've been reducd to tears from laughing and feeling an overwhelming sense of love and support.

wonderful.. just wonderful, no fear of saying the wrong thing, no eggshells to walk on, just a wonderful caring loving woman and a happy happy content loving man.... this is what I've waited 57 years for.

dammit Brian... why didn't you find this woman before, you muppet.

Ahthankyew

and I was looking forward to this.

bugger

Oh well, am sure they'll send me a new one soon...very soon... I hope... yeah course they will

Ahthankyew

Getting my Coding mojo back a bit

Trying to get things going again after a bit of burn out, I've only been working on the very slow progressing Coleco project and fixing students bugs which has given me no time to work on a personal project I want to start.

But I have to prep a new project for my block C students and been tinkering about with the Rpi4 and Jetson... 2 very interesting machines for different reasons

I've got a startup project running on both, just ready to start adding some proper content..Its not much to look at but it shows my implimetation of DearImGui in place, some basic OpenGLES2.0 set up, and though not clear here,  both RakNet and Screen Res changes in place, all operating at 60fps. Also Bullet physics and OpenAL so this is a good starting framework I can build on.

Not too bad.... but lots more content to add

Really want to get the Coleco out the way though, only been able to spend an odd hour or so on it, with occasional bursts during holidays. Its damn close now, such a shame to take so long on such a small project but its so much harder than it looks..

This silly thing looks like a lot of work but its only a few minutes to get things set up,which is why I really don't see me getting into retro gaming, weeks of work for little reward, compared to minutes for a lot.

ah well

Ahthankyew

New Block, new skills.

Block B started with a bang, my old friend Jacco Bikker, one of the worlds leading experts on ray tracing is giving classes on.....ray tracing.

Its not especially hard to code, but it does need a fairly solid grasp of maths, and an understanding of the basics of coding.

So I get 1 out of 2... 

It was so funny watching my students online, faces going from happy, to, wow, to oops, then oh, and finally oh shit..

haha, they'll manage it.

I guess I'll have to try it too..

Ahthankyew

Feeling fresh and clean

for the 1st time in months I was able to have my morning shower. Finally I finished the job, we have a new, non leaking, shower

Its not the greatest example of DIY ever, that back wall still has a lot of horrible water damage going up its length,that needs to be resolved eventually, but we can start putting a few quid away every month for the next couple of years then get a proper builder in to rip everything out and put in a brand new bathroom

In the meantime my patched up white tiles on the bottom (we found some spare tiles in the shed after IO'd done this...) and my masking tape applied silicone sealant are all working fine... we have a shower... its good to be clean and refreshed in the mornings, and not snoozing in a hot bath for an hour.

Ahthankyew

Married life is fattening

My wife is a feeder... its clearly all her fault, she's forcing me to eat delcious calorie loaded foods at an ever increasing rate.

I must....resist.

Ahthankyew

A new record

17 days and I've still not argued with my wife.......amazing

Loving it...

Can't think why I didn't do this be...oh wait.... yeah, well, lets not get into that.

Ahthankyew

this is nice....

Ahthankyew

Great day...

no words needed

Ahthankyew

Still on, but no celebrations!

Last night saw a host of new tougher regulations on social activity due to covid19. We were genuinely concered that there might be a chance our wedding was cancelled.

But.. we're good to go. Sadly all pubs and restraunts are being shut down,  so no chance to go for a drink after. We had planned to book somewhere but it fell through due to the last set of restrictions, and our fall back was just to walk to the nearest open bar.  Well there won't be any nearest open bars so..

Its certainly proving to be quite a struggle to marry this woman, but its going to be worth it... We've got  under 30 guests coming to the ceremony, all masked up and distanced as needed. And cousin Emily is going to livestream the event for us on this website which will also back it up to Youtube. So family and friends in the UK and Thailand can join in .

2 days to go :D

https://sites.google.com/view/brian-jirawan/home

Ahthankyew

And we are off...

Our wedding date is finally confirmed, (though of course Covid can cause a cancellation at any point)

but 16th Oct, we will be married :D A wonderful whirlwind of amazingness and fun...set to last for at least a few months more, if not a lifetime.. :D

The last of the documents arrived 2 days before the deadline, and despite a small hiccup at the gemeente due to Jirawan having entered into some apparent form of legal marriage in Thailand when she was simply registering her kids for school (I think there's a mis translation of annullment, or seperation), the word divorce, was used in the translation, they do accept that she's single and "divorced" so we're good to go.

We got a little good news that despite our reception having to be cancelled because the venue we had in mind had to back out due to covid, and no others could commit. We can at least have a bigger room at the Stadhuis that allows us to invite some guests. Which was not possible in the small room. Nice, a proper wedding after all.

So we are going to have our closest friends with us, and some can come back to the house and sit in the cold October garden and have a few drinks.. It will be odd, but best we can do. We will make plans for a mega party in a year to celebrate properly and get her and my family to come over...

Honeymoon plans also have to be cut back, we can't really travel at the moment, NL is more orange than usual at the moment and quarentine laws would make any travel out of NL impractical.. We'll again save the money and try to arrange for a trip to Thailand at Chistmas, or Easter, or summer, or the christmas after....depending on Covid.

Exciting times..if covid does not fuck it all up again. But very happy times in spite of all the hassles.

Ahthankyew

ohhh thats sad

I'm still working on getting together funds and manpower to arrange for a restoration of my great grandparents grave, its a slow process getting in contact with people who may or may not have documents needed to allow the restoration people to take the rather massive stone away and recondition it.

In the process though I've made contact with my cousin George, a 3rd gen Beuken to my 4th. He provided some useful information and sadly reported that the deeds to the plots are lost..hmm ok 

Well that just means a bit more effort to get permision to restore it

But he also let slip a nugget of info I didn't know, my own grandmother is buried next to them in an unmarked grave.

Whhhhaat??

Its no longer a big family secret, my father was raised by his grandparents(the ones in the grave) as a son, becuase his mother died very soon after giving birth to him, It was a bit of a scandal in 1935 Fauldhouse because grandad got her pregnant... so a swift marriage was arranged and they were sent out of the way for a bit to have the kid and wait for things to settle, well that was probably the plan. But she died of sepsis less than 2 months later..  Grandad let his parents raise dad as their own, and met his 2nd wife Alice (also getting her pregnant...what a lad) and he moved on, and everyone was sworn to secrecy... Later causing incredible family rifts when the secret was revealed by one of my dads "siblings" who probably using choice langague informed the stroppy teen brat in front of him of his origins. The fallout lasted years.....years...still going on really.

But...back to my grandmother, since dad was raised as a son, the story of his mum wasn't discussed, and it seems that the family allowed her to be buried in a family plot but  not to be remembered.. She was only 19 years old, thats so sad.

I found records of her marriage and death in the Scottish records office and now have info on her. Her name was Catherine Marshall Thomson McAlonan, she married Mick(Matthew), my grandad in Oct 1935 while about 3 months pregnant. Had dad in March 1936, and passed away mid May. not even a year married...so sad.

I'm now quite determined to ensure that this young lady is not forgotton, all we have is a few records, an unmarked grave and a single photo, she deserves a little more.

Ahthankyew

Maybe its an addiction?

Got a few more 5 star ratings on my book, no reviews that I can see but still nice to see the rating rise again after someone only gave it 4 stars because they thought they had to buy 1000quids worth of software (they don't its all free.. I doubt he read it), I now get all 5 gold stars instead of that annoying half white 5th star.

Its kinda done its thing though, and sales are very low, it was a very niche book and since the RPi4 came out it its lost much of its target audience.

But I can now announce I am writing another... as much as I didn't really enjoy the final phase of writing the 1st book I kinda felt I wasn't quite done with it and had a lot of content I needed to skip, so wanted to have another go.  Sales were not good enough to do a 2nd edition with edits, so I'm biting the bullet and doing a whole new book with all new content.

I'm about half way through, and its shaping up to be another big book, but I'm learning from my mistakes and not committing to a time frame with the publisher. I'll submit it when its done, and make sure all the software is uptodate and ready at launch. I've been playing catchup a bit with the older software and Raspberry's upgrades to the Rpi4 have made a lot of that redundant now.

So this books focus is mainly on the Rpi4 and lets me explain some of the cooler features of OpenGLES3.0, and some 3.1 and 3.2, though the RPi4's support of 3.1 and 3.2 is current very limited, I can use my Jetson to do that too. I'm pretty sure RPi4 will get the 3.1 and 3.2 stuff sorted by the time the book is ready.

Since the Rp4 is a proper linux/mesa libs system it will be a lot easier to do the cross platform stuff and wont' have to spend much time doing exceptions to rules.

About 200 pages of actual slightly meandering text done so far, but only outlines for the code and comparative content (I want to compare some good and bad principles and also how OpenGLES3.0 can do things a lot faster than OpenGLES2.0).  I'm also not going to spend too much time explaining set ups, as people sadly insist on using their own, even when VisualGDB is clearly the bomb for this stuff.

So its still a good 6 months away from being in a readable state for proof readers, I expect to finish in about a year.

I'll experiment a bit with my new 1st years in Block C and see how they cope with the projects I have planned for it.

Writing without pressure really is fun, but editing is still boring, I tend to write in a conversational style which makes sense as you do it, but looking back at it the day after, you can't always keep the train of thought going, so a lot can get chopped...still its nice, its fun, and I'm enjoying my hour or 2 sessions.

Probably won't do much updating about it on here, at least until I start the coding.

Ahthankyew

And you're back in the room.

Kinda, we're all back to work, though am still stuck in my home office as there's not really a need to go to the school office. Our instructions are to only go when we have to.

Strange kind of day, but hey ho, we have to work through it even though Im more than a tad hunover after a before work socially distanced BBQ with Martin and Dave W, and Sally and Maria. I overdid the vino a bit and paid for it most of the night. So today am suffering from lack of sleep and a need to stay near the loo.

Also I now have another new K-ring after my last one (itself a replacment) just stopped working during my trip to the UK,  Hopefully it won't give me any issues again, as I really like this gadget for paying for things, as it means I don't need my wallet. NL is pretty much a cashless place now, everyone uses some form of contactless, either via their phones or smart watches or just their standard bank cards.  And in my case my K-ring.

Currently installing latest software needed for remote working and file sharing, and its just done, so better get back to work.

Ahthankyew

Oh c'mon

As lockdown comes and goes with each new panic of spikes, so does the inevitable, plandemic, anti vax, Bill Gates is the devil, crowd. Added to the Brexit is good for us, flat earthers and near religious advocacy of the worlds most incompetant US president. I am finding myself utterly overwhelmed by stupidity.

No, really, I am. I have more than a bit of OCD in that, I adore facts, I research things, I seek understanding and knowledge on things. I spend hours reading books, the old fashioned paper kind, and hunting down research papers, listening to acknowledge experts and discussions and debates on topics that provide insight and reason and logic to reach conclusions.. And as such when someone says something I know is just wrong. I feel a need to speak up.

Now I know, that does not make me popular with some people, it pisses a lot of people off sometimes, and I do freely admit to sometimes having difficulty with differentiation of valid, (if wrong) opinions, with facts.

But still, some facts are clear.. some facts are researched, some facts are clear and obvious and backed up with generation os research and proof, or by the best scientific methods, and tests,  possible... and google isn't one of them, neither is duck duck go.

Im tired of reading from hyper active "truth" bombers about how the earth is flat, vaccines are poison,  Bill Gates wants to chip us all and, somehow control our minds. Not to mention the science doesn't know everything and crystals worked for me brigade.

Why, just why are these people on the planet, what possible purpose do they have? Where do they get this nonsense and how do people fall for it.. I'm so so tired of trying to engage them, this is the result, every time

I'm done with it,  I need to back off, for my own sanity as these people and my OCD for factual info can't handle it.. No matter what proof you give them they claim its fake or they just ignore it and carry on. You can't cure stupid.

Ahthankyew

Some Diet news..

Going well, very boring, nothing revolutionary, just a very small lunch, usually nothing more than a fruit biscuit and a fruit, apple, or orange. and then a small evening meal, left as late as possible. No snacks, and some kind of excercise in the evening, cycling 8k or walking 3.. sometimes both.

Its not helped though when Jirawan lovingly makes me a delicious burger with cheese and egg for lunch when  I am doing a bit of coding. Which was stunning, but I had to forgoe my evening meal tonight for just a few skewers of teriyaki chicken.

oh well..she really means well, but she's clearly a feeder and wants me to keep my sexy bhudda figure.....nope.

I am currently at 96.6  so around 3 kilo's lost so far, thats steady, about a kilo a week, if I can keep it up I should be in a fairly decent place for christmas.

Ahthankyew

Small print twattery

Insurance has to be the biggest scam ever... I've had a leak in my shower, its done a lot of damage, and sadly it went unnoticed for a long time, since I shower every morning, and head off to work, I never saw the dripping from the kitchen window gable that would occur 10-20mins later

But finally the insurance sent someone to look, they did some measuring, banged a few holes in the bedroom dividing wall to see where the leak was and off they went.

Today I get a call, that indeed the leak exists, its been caused by the connection from the shower base, to the drain pipe, the seal has given way and a fair proportion of  waste water is just ending up in the floor......ie....not the drain pipe, not the buildings drain pipe, but the seal that was installed when the shower was 1st fitted...when the building was done...so...sorry mate you're bang outta luck, insurance won't pay.

Total fuckers, absolute total fuckers... Its going to cost a small fortune, as the water has led to a lot of damage to the dividing walls and any timbers that might be on the path the water took to escape... fuck fuck fuck,.

no holidays for us for a few years...

Ahthankyew

And... its diet time again

I loved having a fish supper back in Scotland, and a black pudding supper the next night, stunning lovely comfort food, but of coruse fattening.. there were some mirrors in my room, and I seem to be about 22 months pregnant.....

so yes, again....its diet time. I have sat Jirawan down, and told her, that not too much, has to be redefined, to not too many calories, and that a mound of veggies and noodles is indeed too much.. We're going lo carb, and much smaller portions and more excerise (she likes that bit, we walk most nights, and she likes cycling)

She kinda gets it though, she also wants to lose a few pounds.

Her cooking is so tasty its going to be hard to resist, but she cooks for 5, and then eats very little herself, I have to resist.

No point in doing the running score  but lets be honest I've been hovering round 100kg for a few months now so hopefully each week we'll see a kilo or 2 dropping down.

Ahthankyew

So we start again.

My short trip to Scotland was, eventful, at least as far as cock ups with car hire were concenred, but really thats all irrelevent in relaton to the real reason I was there, to say goodbye to Chris. 

Social distance rules meant it was a small turn out, though a good one under the circumstances, his friends came to say goodbye and his family was there too, thats really all that you can do. Even though I don't agree with the religious mumbo jumbo the priest did a fine job in eulogising Chris, his daughter Kelly had given him some excellent background info. Mum was gutted not to be able to travel, but I sent her some pics that were upsetting but also reassuring for her and thanked everyone there on her behalf.

Colin and I were civil to each other, clearly we're still estranged, but civil is better than antagonistic. We will have to see if that can develop.

I was on my own a lot of the time and so decided to drive around a little bit, visiting Fauldhouse, Edinburgh, Livingston.  hmmm well...Edinburgh is still the same as always though there's a few more pedestrainised areas. Of course its not crazy busy like it usually  is, due to all the Corona restricitons but people were out shopping and I took pics of the castle and other sights still there to send to Jirawan who wants to visit when we can, though much of the tourist sites are still closed.

Livingston has grown beyond recognition, and Fauldhouse has changed quite a bit too, in that earily familiar but not, kind of way, almost all the old shops I remember are gone, including my dear friends the Martin's newsagents.
I did come away with a profound sense of decay though, the place really isn't showing any signs of investment or improvement. When I walk down pristine Dutch pavements and drive on immaculate roads, I can't help but notice how shocking the infrastrucutre in Scotland is. The roads, the streets, the houses, all falling apart. I have been told that Scotland is booming.....but as  a visitor, I don't see it. Overgrown verges, crumbling roads, hip breaking pavements.... hmmm well, ok.. maybe its the lockdown. 

I spent 2 nights at a small b&b in Corstorphine, which allowed easy access to the motorway, and had the good fortune to be near an excellent chippy to have my frist proper fish supper in ages, it was lovely. Familiar food was the only real joy in the trip,  it was a sad time, and I was there for sad reasons.

Overall though I didn't find myself sentementally attached to the place, Breda is my home now and I am glad I am back here.  Jirawan was waiting for me at the airport and her sense of joy at my return made me realise I have so much to be grateful for here and its time for me to focus on that.

Ahthankyew

Not the best time to travel

After a long delay, we finally have a date for Chris's funeral, which allowed me to book a flight to the UK, a lot of hassle, but eventually managed to get a flight via Paris to Edinburgh and return a few days later.

It was a strange experience going to so much effort to book a 2 day trip, what was stranger was the sense of pointlessness in it all after I had finally managed it.
I've been noticably downbeat the last 2 weeks, for obvious reasons, Jirawan has been a rock and done her best to keep my spirits up. but booking the trip, really upset me. I am not too sure how I'm going to cope on Wednesday.

No chance to detour down to Rochdale and see mum sadly, I did try to look into leaving from Bradford  but the cost and lack of flights made it impossible.

We also have more info on cause of death, basically heart disease, a long standing condition, made a little more serious by his life style. He suffered a bad nose bleed, got out of bed too quick and collapsed and died. Its sad that he died alone though, he was a social and friendly chap all his adult life, far removed from his miserable moody teens that I recall well. It would have made more sense to have happned having a laugh with his mates, but life and death seldom makes sense,.

Sad also that the funeral itself will be a social distanced affair, no service to send him on his way,  just a graveside event, but am sure his friends will be there to wish him goodbye and reflect on their time with him, as will I.






Ahthankyew

Well thats just not fair 2020, not fair at all.

Yesterday was a great day, very happy. But I made the mistake of taunting 2020 thinking it was fun to put my happy day ahead of all the crap happening in the world right now.

But as the day moved on, and become tomorrow it became a sad day as I received word in the early hours that my youngest brother Chris had passed away.

The details are still very sketchy, but it seems he'd not been too well recently,  neighbours noticed he wasn't around the last few days and asked the police to check his house where he was found.
Actual cause and time of death are not yet known, we will discover in due course. My middle brother Colin is taking charge of things and will let us know when he has more info as well as make the arrangments needed.

Chris and I weren't speaking much the last few years, its kinda a recuring theme in families that brothers drift apart,  for sure. thats been the case with both my brothers.
You would be hard pressed to find 3 more different people, personalities, interests, likes, opinions, talents; we share none, even our accents vary as we mixed in different circles as we grew up and moved into very different lives from the ones we grew up in.

We don't even look much alike, but there you go, in spite of that he was still my brother, and I'm filled with a sense of loss at his passing as I recall all the times as kids he annoyed me, irritated me, scared me, shocked me, surprised me, and made me happy to be his brother growing up. He was the youngest and mum spoiled him which lead to some fantastic rows and more than a few tantrums.
But as a man he was social, funny, slightly insane, sharp witted, and possesed of a friendly nature that made him popular with his friends. We got together a few times as adults before the inevitable rows on our different world views and physical distance left us drifting.


I have a genuine sense of helplessness to aid in a family crisis that is of course going to have a huge impact on my mother who has to deal with the loss of her child. Colin and I are also quite estranged for several years, but I have trust in his ability to take charge and will support him in anyway he needs. We may have to re-evaluate our relationship after this, we'll see.

I'm trying to confirm if I am able/allowed to travel to the UK at the moment given the lockdown/quarentine situation, its not looking very promising.

Really not much I can do, just have to get through the days, and see what develops.







Ahthankyew

Gambles work sometimes

5 months ago, on Feb 14, St Valintines day I met a crazy short, chatty lady, who made me laugh, a month later I took a gamble, having already taken a couple before that which didn't pay off and asked her to spend lock down with me. It really was a gamble.

This one paid of, the last 5 months have been filled with fun, joy, trust, respect and love...wonderful times..

I want them to continue and asked Jirawan if she would marry me.....I normally would put in a bad taste joke here...but meh...no need she said yes..I said she was crazy.

Life is good, and I can't see it getting bad ever again.


2020 has been a bad year for a lot of reasons, but for me there's a gilt edge to those clouds...


watch me get corona now!!!




Ahthankyew

Always time to learn.

A few years ago, I bought a triple monitor stand on ebay... big heavy thing it is... and I was dead excited, but when I set up my monitors, my excitement changed to dismay as it was clear the gas pivots would not hold the weight of them...and I cranked the adjusters as far as I could... and still no go, so even though they held the monitors, they sunk to the ground and I propped them up with books or whatever. It was more effort than it was worth to ship them to the seller for a refund, and i'd spent a day setting them up, and even with out adjustment I at least had triple monitors set up.

And then I saw a small video on youtube by accident about adjusting the gas/spring tension... which I was sure I had done.. but decided to try again, this time though with the assurance that if I fucked them up I'd buy something else as my monitors are getting a bit past it (as is my work horse PC)

So I turned them anticlock wise as suggested... and yup, cranked as hard as I could with the screwdriver/socket.. and no movement.

So fuckit, get a wrench...and apply some leverage, and sure enough it moved, it moved a lot, a helluva alot and .....the monitors balanced... I can now raise and lower them and they hold...

bloody hell, years not having them working properly and all it took was a bit of effort..

So lesson learned, violence and power sometimes works when resolving long standing issues.

(or, read the fucking manual a bit better)


Ahthankyew

get rid of wires

I hate cables. really hate...they get tangled they are heavy to carry around, they trip you up, they wear out...oh so many reasons to hate them...

So am working hard to make my FBR acoustic set up wireless aside from the connection to an amp, the goal is no power cables (so battery/packs) and wifi systems.

I've got a decent, though little old guitar wireless system, which are a pair of old joyo rechargabe wifi units, they actually work pretty well when fully charged up. They probably need an upgrade as the batteries are probably on the way out... I also have a wireless mic, but it needs a powered receiver (and cable..grr) So been looking for a new option.

Today I took delivery of

Nux B4 wireless microphone system, which are rechargable ... I'm very excited about these as mic cables are the biggest pain.

Currently they are on charge so I can test them out, I've learned from past experience trying to test things that don't have a full charge can be quite annoying.

So...tell you in about 8 hours if they are a good buy or not. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.


edit...they are fantastic,, and I got a set of Harley Benton guitar wifi connecdtions and now am fully wireless... Brillian.t 4 hour rehearsals managed just fine, so a 1.5 hour gig will be no problem,. Though I'll always carry the cables in the gig box as a back up, this is the future :D
The only fly in the ointment is powering my voicelive3, I have a heafty powerbank that does provide power, but occasional drops in ampage result in resets...so its not perfect yet.

Ahthankyew

venturing out a bit.

Went to town yesterday for a drink with my old mate Martin and his wife Sally,  the centre was rammed with people though so we choose to meet up at the much quieter Hijgend Hert, which is our usual after work drinking haunt, away from the town centre, only a few people there.

It was nice to get out for the 1st time in weeks for a drink at a ba.... well outside terrace.

Im still going to avoid the main town attractions, its just too busy and not at all happy that social distancing can be observed.

In other news,  FBR did a lovely after hours office gig on Friday evening, and it was genuinly good to play, the audience of office workers staying apart and we on our "stage" 1.5m apart.
The video though!!!...There's a beachball playing guitar... as much as Jirawan thinks I look sexy (she's serious...crazy lady) I don't want to be a beachball..  98.0kg dead this morning...hoping to see a 97.9 tomorrow.

Ahthankyew

and another one bites....no more

So thats another of my rapidly reducing number of teeth gone...right bottom canine...been loose for weeks got much looser today and I managed to wiggle it out, with a final tug from a pair of manly pliers..

Sounds worse that it was...really wasn't..

It had to come out...but now I need to get some new falsies  again and hope my one remaining premolar on the bottom right is going to stay strong.  I suspct the whole of that side of the jaw is going to deteriorate over time though. I'll wait a week for the gum to settle back down again then book dentist.. At least I have insurance to cover it.




Ahthankyew

Please be wrong Brian..

today Breda opened up again, at least outdoors, but when I went online what I saw was crowds, loads and loads of crowds...

I'm going to wait a week-10 days...if there's no spike, then I go out and apologise to all...until then, I'm sorry but I think this is lunacy..

Ahthankyew

Not every day she said

No1 Sprog, well actually only sprog, says I don't need to weigh myself everyday... cos all I'm doing is telling  you all how much my shit weighs


She has a point.


But 98.9kg is a triumph of a turd deposit.

:D always good to see the numbers dropping.

Ahthankyew

why are bike saddles so uncomfortable?

8.5km last night, didn't really feel like doing more, but we have established a nice routine and 8.5km on the bike only takes around 30mins, so its about the same time as one of our late night walks but overall a better excercise.

We're both putting on a few pounds (ahem...she won't read this so I can say that, but she also says it) so this will be our method of shedding those pounds.

my ass hurts though, really need to find a more comfy saddle, a big wide saddle, with cushions, like a couch...or maybe I just stay in my couch, and ....hmmmm

todays weight is 99.1kg though, so back down after my curry shame.




Ahthankyew

Bills bills bills, and my curry shame

Well May is the month when I get a holiday "bonus" that gives me an extra chunk of change in my wage.....May is also the month I pay my local taxes and taxes on my freelance earnings and my accountant and.....well basically all the bills I have stalled and put a bit back into the credit card

And thats me back to level again....oh well, at least the mortgage is going down in July.


After being good for several days and seeing the drop below 100 stablise to a solid 99.x I got the munchies on Sunday night and needed a curry, I mean neeeeeded a curry, also promoted by having had several rums.


It was good, it was too much to eat, it was soooo good though I tried....and undid all the good work

sigh

oh and Im losing yet another tooth....damn this bone decay is a pain. which also means I need to get new false teeth, more cash...hope the dentsist is open.


Ahthankyew

99.2/3 well it wobbles a bit

13.8 km cycle last night...13 point fucking 8 km, lots of stops on the way but even so..thats quite a lot of kms.


Jeezus, my ass is sore, my bike does not have the most comfortable of saddles. But there's no real arguing with the results. Jirawan got herself a much more usable bike yesterday and she wanted to see other parts of Breda, so off we went to the Mastbos (local woods) and around the outskirts of Breda, taking in the old and new spots of the town. Nice

It is rather nice to take in the sites, but I do need a more comfy bike if this is going to be a regular evening event. I miss my old bike, I wonder if its worth getting it fixed up one last time......


Ahthankyew

99.9kg The phsycology of weight loss

I know, its only day 1, and that basically amounts to the standard evacuation of my bowels and bladder, but seeing a number below 100kg when the scales groan under my weight, is a good boost to the ego.

More excercise today, even though I ache a bit from last night's 10K, and considerably less food, Jirawan has been warned that not too much has to mean, not too much.

As well as a limit on booze to weekends only, and then only 1 or 2, maybe 3, no, no Brian,  need to cut that back to special occasions, like 5Kg losses.


Roll on Day 2.



Ahthankyew

fuck Im fat

ok today, I went on a 10k bike run, I hate 10k bike runs, and yes I could have easily got out of it, but I need to do something...101.4kg

101.4 fucking kg

thats absurd, I was getting stressed out when I was 90kg

Jirawans amazing cooking is tempting and keeps me away from all my good intents...but 101.4 fucking kgs.


well lets see how things go.


Ahthankyew

oh my hearing is back

took a few days (weeks) but my hearing returned to normal, I guess it was a small infection or something. The Tinitus is now back to normal, background levels and I'm fine.

phew

Ahthankyew

sitcoms are supposed to make you laugh

Just finished watching the 2nd series of After Life, my god, my fucking god...what an emotional rollercoaster of a show that is, genuinely tearing up and then laughing out loud then crying like a babe again...
This is genius writing and acting, can't express enough how utterly brilliant this show is, every emotion is laid bare and then twisted on itslef. utterly brilliant. Gervais made awkward comedy his thing, and it was amazing, now by design or luck hes stumbled on raw emotional grief comedy in a way that really leaves you a wreak...

oh man...brilliant.

Ahthankyew

Lockdown continues...and its kinda great

Well yes, there's a lot of boring repetition, and I'm dying to get out to the movies or a bar going out for a nice meal. But the one great thing is staying at home with Jirawan, someone who is totally comfortable with my bizzare working habits and looks forward to my "coming home" at 5

What a lucky man am I ....finally after all these years finding someone who just gets me. Enjoys doing her own thing, takes pride in our home and has totally fitted in,  and looks forward to the things we can do together...

bah..57 years building up to finding someone like this and I'll probably catch corona and die this year.

LIFE EH!

Ahthankyew

Im a lucky man

a little tipsy, it has to be said, so yiou can take this with as big a pinch of salt as you like

but I am a very lucky man... finally.


yeah, you know what I mean.

Ahthankyew

hearing is...almost back

Tinitus has not gone away sadly,  I hope it does, hearing is coming back though, maybe 70-80% what it should be but a big improvment on 0-10%. I can hear both sides of my headphones again which is a big relief. And my guitar sounds like a guitar again which is even more of a relief.


Ahthankyew

bloody earwax

Dammit, I have too much wax in my ear and its clogged it up, so I'm effectively deaf in my right ear, which is deeply irritating, added to that the tinitus that causes and I'm officially going crazy.

Tried all kinds of things, ear wax disolving fluid, suction, nose holding swallow/pumping even orderd some corkscrew ear wax digging things to clear it out...arrghhh

Tried to play some guitar and was really fruestrated by my inability to really hear, even with one ear it just sounds horrible, and weak. I think I've mentioned my bandmate Jelmer 1 who is deaf in one ear...I really understand how frustrating it is for him. Mine should be a temporary thing but he has o deal with it all the time. I have a much better appreciation for his issues.


Ahthankyew

I just cant fathom the levels of stupidity

I've said this before, but the levels of stupidity, on Social Media are staggering, and I do mean stupidity, uttter utter mouth breathing, my name is Mr Gumby stupidity.

This isn't opinion, or new "woke" thinking, its just stupidity, a lack of basic understanding of the most basic science that should have been taught in school, social and medical concepts, replaced instead with meme's and confirmation bias from the internet.

It matters not how idiotic your view is, if you state it on the internet, you'll get a dozen people following you and spreading it....and so it quickly gains speed.

Anti vaxx, flat earth, illuninati, 911 truthers, lizard men, covid19 hoax, chemtrails, 5g mind control, Bill Gates bio tracking vaccines,  the works....its utterly amazing.. It dosn't take more than a moments rational thought to go, wait, what? huh, Do you actually understand science, to see the crazy in it?
But its easier to believe a man who says Covid 19 is a hoax because it forces you to stay in to make you compliant and miserable, than consider the fact that same man thinks the queen of England is literally a negative energy feeding lizard..... no I mean it. People BELIEVE this shit??

And whats worse, when it starts to gain some utterly unjustifed momentum it gets picked up by minor celebs who endorse it to their adoring fans, and then to top it all of, some defrocked doctor or other disreputable and discredited scientist will see a chance to sell a book and get on telly to make it a cause celebre and have smart people questioning if they might have a point?

Its fucking insane, it really is.

Ahthankyew

ohhhhh low interest rates is good

I don't always understand the Dutch mortgage system, its beyond me a bit really, since I had to buy the house again when Bina went, it was bloody expensive and has remained so, but I get to reset the intereste rate every so often. last time was 5 years ago and it saved me a couple of hundred, that was back when interest rates were around 2-4% and since the mortgage itself was taken out at about 7 or 8% I save a lot. Dropping down a good 300pm.

Well its that time again, 5 years later I get another chance to change and with interest rates currently being....pretty much 0, I was offered very low rates and chance to lock them in for 10,12,20 years

tempting to go the minimum for the 20years, but I locked in a middle 10 year option they provided, because when all said and done its an endowment based system, so if I don't have enough cash in the pot when its time to cash in, I have to sell up or fork out.

Even so, with the low rates, I'm going to be a whopping 250 euros a month better off... thats awesome....might reduce the credit card debt a bit for a year or 2 with that.

Cant' recall if recessions raise or lower interest rate though, becuase when the ecomomy dies after corona, its going to be uncertain times so that 250 a month will help put some food on the take or take the sting out of any other debts I aquire to stay alive.


Ahthankyew

Its nice when they start to get somewhere

My students are doing their Block C programming assignment which is of course to make a game on RPi

Its an interesting block as it really challenges them, doing something they may never do again but that can produce some really interesting results and show them some of the challenges and skills they have to master. 
Its nice when they start to click and this is a really nice short demo from one student, who's not quite as far ahead as the others but has really taken the time to make a nice looking demo from the start


Their task is to create a solar system and fly around it to reach a space station they have to dock with , then transition to an FPS view. There's a bit of z-fighting on the spacestation to investigate but he's doing really well. Done on a Raspberry Pi3B+ with no overclocking, and only using C++/OpenGLES2.0, no engines of any kind.

Ahthankyew

ohhh thats why there's no input to the grid

I get a notice from the electric company every month, and the last couple I noticed there was not the usual 6 or 7 (winter months) euros reduction in my usage....

I just went up the the roof to clean my panels and found this.





ohhhhh now it makes sense...must have got blown over during one of the big stroms in the last couple of months. Pretty amazed and lucky they never got blown over onto someones head...

They are all ok though, the frames are a bit bent, so not too hard to fix..


Set up them up roughly for now, will scrub them down and see if I can find some bolts to lock the frame with.. Plugged them in and got green lights on the converters, so looks like we're ok...should get some income over the summer, it tends to jump up to 30-40 a month in peak sunshine.



Ahthankyew

it just gets worse...but there's always a bright side, then it gets worse again

Working from home is pretty neat, its hard though, really hard, lots of things to keep up, hard to prep stuff becuase of students asking for help and a sense of ....stress I think. but its ok

NL took another step toward full lockdown today, no gatherings above 3 people and possible fines for people not keeping 1.5m apart its serious now, then UK has also issued slightly more severe advice,
basically don't go out.

In other news...my love life is taking a strange turn.

I've been dating a lovely lady for the last month or so, its early days but she's going to move in with me during the lock down, so I'm picking her up tomorrow. She house shares with a friend who's not taking the lock down seriously so she's stressed out. We're getting prepared for a very interesting getting to know each other phase while making every effort to stay safe. Under normal circumstances this is too soon, and god knows I'm wary of making another daft mistake, but, these are far from normal, so we'll see how this pans out, I might end up with another lodger in the spare room, but at least it will be someone to chat to in the evening.

I worry about my mum, she's a miserable auld bag though, which might actually save her life as no one wants to visit  (joke mum)... but she's old, so so so old...........(you are)... and not in good health so I worry, but she's pretty good at isolating herself and should be able to cope better than  most with the lockdown.

Interesting times for us all, my students are also stressed out, some of them are far from home and unable to go home, we need to try to help them stay on track and get through this..

Stay safe eveyone, stay home, for fuck stack stay home

Ahthankyew

Getting a bit paranoid

Im sure I'm not alone in this, but I am feeling genuinely afraid. Corona is escalating at an alarming rate and even though I have almost no contact with the outside world. I can't wrap myself in plastic. I had to let in a boiler repair man on Friday and I got a parcel delivered, and at least once a week I will need to pop to the shop for fresh fruit and veg...though I am investigating AH's delivery systems.

Even with such limited contact, its only a matter of time before I get it, then its a gamble if I'm going to die or not.... actually DIE...this is a scary scary situation.

I've never been afraid of the colds, chest infections even the occasional flu which has really laid me low, at no time did I ever fear for my life.

The lack of respect people are giving to the lock down is only going to make things worse in the long term, we all need to stay home, stay away from people for at least a couple of weeks. It won't stop us getting it, but we might have more hospital beds available if we need them if we can spread it out.

Phew, interesting times, scary times, re-defining times. We have to wait and see how this plays out.



Ahthankyew

Isolation,...well thats not too bad

Apart from a short trip to a very empty store to get milk and veg, I've been in isolation along with the rest of NL all week

We've pretty much got the working at home thing sorted now, its hard work, more time consuming than you might exept and much more tiring, but I'm getting into it now.

Not sure I can keep this up for 3-4-5 however many weeks though, but also have to be very aware Im not in the best of fitness and have a bit of a reduced lymphatic system so if I'm going to get it, I don't want to get left on a trolly in a corridor...

I've got enough food and booze, and the all important bog roll (I still have plenty from my last 2 for 1 buy befoe the madness) . I've got neflex and Prime all set up ready, and KPN have made extra film channels available for free during the lockdown, so I think I should be able to entertain myself.



Ahthankyew

Dis town, is coming like a ghost town

Went to Rotterdam yesterday, after being cooped up with the cold for the week, it was nice to get out, even though my (now very old) cough had people starting at me,  but man, I've never ever seen Rotterdam so empty, at lunchtime it was just totally sparse...it got a little busier as the day went on but the lock down is certainly taking shape

Today walking down to the station Breda was an equally sparce place, I don't think I have ever seen the station so empty, even on a Sunday.

The lockdown is set to get much stricter too, cafe's are being urged to close and only a matter of time before shops and all offices do to.

Home delivery curry isn't such a bad idea now is it??


Ahthankyew

Lockdown in 3,2.....

Well Corona is having quite an impact. I've been working from home this week since I still have a cough since christmas, so not corona, but then I get a mild cold and people start stressing out when I sneeze.. So following works guidence I self isolated and worked from home all week.. Not too bad actually I got a lot done, with no distractions and did my first ever livestream lecture. 2 in fact, 2nd one had some issues but it did work out.

But now BUAS is closing the campus to students and all class based teaching is on hold, we're shifting to online only for at least 2 weeks. Its only a matter of time before the Netherlands goes into full lockdown.

Very interesting times, I've never known anything like this, the sense of panic and fear is very genuine. We're pretty sure our next band gig is going to be canned as all public gathers are being banned. I may not leave the house for weeks.....though I do need milk in my coffee, and maybe some fresh veg.....

interesting times indeed.


Ahthankyew

oh great

Im sick, just a little bit, don't panic, (I'm not panicking, are you panicking?) pretty sure its just a cold again, rather than the dreaded CV
But the advice from work is to stay home and/or work from home if you have any cold/flu symptoms and clearly I have at the moment

if it gets worse, I'll go to the docs....or die.....watch this space.


Ahthankyew

awww bugger y'all

I was all set to go to San Fransisco on the 13th March to attend GDC and meet up with lots of old friends and new contacts. It was going to be a good experience and I was buzzing.

but its been "postponed" though in truth that means cancelled, meh, I guess its a sensible move, the Corona virus is currently high on everyones fear list and thats caused a lot of the main exhibitors to pull out, so we have to wait till the danger passes and see what happens.

I really was looking forward to it, so many old friends lined up, but its understandable..,...disappointing, but understandable.


Ahthankyew

memories

I was doing what you're supposed to do when you keep blogs/diaries and looking back on some of my earlier posts, trying to remember some specific dates for things, but falling into a rabbit hole of memories.

Its interesting how things change you, make you angry or happy or sad at the time, and you look back with a certain degree of meh...

Not for everything though, I still feel an bit of inner rage at the way some people have treated me, also a sense of wtf was I thinking on others and the loss of some lovley people through death or neglect...but over time, even the biggest heartaches and cock ups just become memories, and today I need to focus on the fact I'm turning into a fat grumpy old man.

Probably won't be a problem in 4 years from now though.

Ahthankyew